Shit. Did I just say that? Don't take away my NT badge.
He says “you are crazy and emotionally unstable and I am afraid to be alone with you, as if I make you mad you will so something like call a lawyer and take the baby away from me or take all of my moneyâ€.
Last week they met and had a very peaceful lunch at which they discussed very superficial topics that don’t have anything to do with the baby or their relationship.
She says she loves him and would like to be a couple. However she has never seen anybody so insistent that nothing is his fault and everything is her fault. His paranoia is also getting out of hand. The flip-flopping is also very notable in that she cant understand why if he doesn’t want a relationship, he keeps contacting her then acting like he wants a relationship. Her comment was “If I don’t like someone I don’t spend time torturing them…I just leave them alone. “
Questions:
1. Should she walk away and avoid this man due to physical danger? (This is a very slight concern of hers due to the unexpected paranoia)
2. Should she continue to try and interact with him before the birth of the baby or give him time alone to work through his frustration?
3. Is this relationship possible to save?
4. If the relationship is not possible to save, what is the best way to negotiate boundaries regarding the baby, given his paranoia and anger regarding lawyers and financial issues?
After about six months of dating she became pregnant unexpectedly.
Questions:
1. Should she walk away and avoid this man due to physical danger? (This is a very slight concern of hers due to the unexpected paranoia)
2. Should she continue to try and interact with him before the birth of the baby or give him time alone to work through his frustration?
3. Is this relationship possible to save?
4. If the relationship is not possible to save, what is the best way to negotiate boundaries regarding the baby, given his paranoia and anger regarding lawyers and financial issues?
I hope you're right. You actually know them, of course, whereas we can only go on a few facts. Still, I have to point out that financial responsibility is important but not even close to the only factor. "Wild Fi" outbursts and parental anger/fighting/paranoid accusations can be very damaging for kids, regardless of the parents' stability otherwise. (My parents were IxFP and xNTJ, and ohhh the fighting. Te can cause plenty of irrational arguments without any help from Fi).Oh, I am sorry if this seems distressing. Based upon Te standards both are actually very reliable with a long history of financial and emotional stability. They are both just in a period of Fi misbehaving. Fi can look very extreme, as the moment to moment displays are very erratic, but it tends to pass and be reined in via Te, especially in TJs. So it looks very, very messy externally. However once past the next few months, no matter what happens to the relationship, they will be good parents and be very financially responsible so I am not at all worried about the future of the kidlet.
I hope you're right. You actually know them, of course, whereas we can only go on a few facts. Still, I have to point out that financial responsibility is important but not even close to the only factor. "Wild Fi" outbursts and parental anger/fighting/paranoid accusations can be very damaging for kids, regardless of the parents' stability otherwise. (My parents were IxFP and xNTJ, and ohhh the fighting. Te can cause plenty of irrational arguments without any help from Fi).
If they're as emotionally stable as you say, surely the relationship isn't in jeopardy, if all these problems are going to evaporate for some reason in a few months?
Oh, I am sorry if this seems distressing. Based upon Te standards both are actually very reliable with a long history of financial and emotional stability. They are both just in a period of Fi misbehaving. Fi can look very extreme, as the moment to moment displays are very erratic, but it tends to pass and be reined in via Te, especially in TJs. So it looks very, very messy externally. However once past the next few months, no matter what happens to the relationship, they will be good parents and be very financially responsible so I am not at all worried about the future of the kidlet.
Who lets a pregnancy get to five months without addressing how fucked up the relationship that spawned the child is? TJs, probably. Or someone is lying about something somewhere. INTJ paranoia is real and usually points to something somewhere. ISTJ sensibility is also real and usually points to something somewhere.
They are a couple who are guaranteed to both put stress on each other and regret putting stress on each other, and to eventually seek solace elsewhere. That solace will broadly take the form of creating opportunities to create disorder in their by then quite ordered existence. That disorder will have been created on purpose because it brings to light their distress and allows it to be addressed.
So yeah, smooth everything over now. There'll be much better fireworks later.
It is a grave, grave, monumentally grave mistake to assume an ISTJ female will be content to be forced constantly to be "the woman". These two robots need to work out how to have their divorce now, while the child still has a chance to suffer only the distress of an absent parent.
*weeps a little*
Flesh has so many better uses than as clothing for people.
The INTJ inside says: 'Advice A: consider choosing better friends'