I think it depends on the person and their current state. Not everyone goes through the so called five stages of grief. I didn’t.
Everyone is different. Now I know I say that a lot. Because it’s true- a lot. So there really isn’t a sure fire way to help someone navigate grief. Everyone has a different duration to their grief. Some people want to talk some don’t. Some don’t initially but then do. Some do and then don’t. Honestly it varies so much.
The one thing I never do is compare my grieving experience to someone else’s. I may mention what I went through but never in comparison to their experience.
When my father died I honestly didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t for a long time. The I’m so sorry’s seemed endless and after not too long rang so hollow. I just wanted to be left alone to process it by myself. My mom was different she didn’t want to be alone and for her the deafening silence after his service, when the flowers have dried up and the condolences have ceased was a dark place for her.
So it really is an individual experience but never pity someone. Let them know that if they wish you are there for them but pity, pity is something you take on a homeless puppy with a broken leg, not a human being. Understanding and being mindful and respectful of their wishes is what people want I think.
Population: 1 wrote (all quotes are Population: 1 followed by my reply) (1) "...think it depends on the person and their current state. Not everyone goes through the so called five stages of grief." and "...really isn’t a sure fire way to help someone navigate grief. Everyone has a different duration to their grief."
Exactly. Succinct. The stages of grief often overlap and turn around on each other. The process gets repeated. This goes on until the grief and cognitive dissonance over losing a loved one classed with your expectations on how reality was supposed to be between you and your loved one. The clashing with real reality is like a head on car wreck.
(2) "Some people want to talk some don’t. Some don’t initially but then do. Some do and then don’t."
It is an independent journey. As a friend of a person going through the grieving process it is best to be a supportive listener. This helps the person feel validated and understood. It can help facilitate the healing process. It is better to listen than to talk. As I remarked to Coriolis sympathy and worse advise giving are not wanted. In the case of advise give some of your wisdom and insight only if directly asked for it.
(4) "...never do is compare my grieving experience..." and (5) "I may mention what I went through..."
I do share my own grief process. It took me 5 years to overcome the grief and anger about the health care system. In sharing my own battle with grief it forms solidarity and a feeling of being understood. It is also shared empathy.
(6) "...I’m so sorry’s seemed endless and after not too long rang so hollow. I just wanted to be left alone to process it by myself."
These are sympathizers. In my own experience they rubbed the wound raw. It was not their intention. I know this and tried to be understanding. Nevertheless it grated as unto my teeth.
(7) "...pity someone."
This adds insult th grief. It goes without saying not to share pity. It shows a complete lack of understanding.
(8) "Understanding...being mindful...respectful of their wishes is what people want I think."
As I said in an early response people (generalization) wish to be validated and understood. LightSun