Looking for a little clarity in a friendship...I have an ISFP friend from work whom I've known for over 4 years, and I really enjoy his friendship. He is positive, encouraging, asks questions about my life, and gives me a firm handshake whenever he sees me. I believe this is my first ever ISFP friend. Most of my other friends are intuitives, though ironically I am married to an ESFJ. However, I'm struggling to determine whether I should keep investing in this friendship. We've had lunch together numerous times over the last two years, & we always seem to click really well. Last year, he even mentioned at one lunch how much really values our time together. Every time we're together in-person, I think, "He's a really good friend."
However, most anytime I try to follow-up with lunch or a hang-out a week or a few weeks later, he typically has either a legitimate or lame excuse for why he can't. On the flip side, a couple of months ago, he gave me an open invitation to stop by his house anytime I'm in the neighborhood (we live close to each other). He also tends to respond quickly to my texts. Since learning more about ISFPs, I've really focused on giving more space than I normally would in a friendship and not contacting him that often. I've also been more spur-of-the-moment and less planned with him.
Yet, 80-85% of the time, it is me initiating contact. I am the one pretty much always stopping by to visit him at work. He has only asked me to get together about four times total over the last two years. A few times, I've even allowed several weeks or months to pass in between contact, thinking he didn't want my friendship anymore. Then out of the blue, I would hear from him again. From the forums, I recognize this seems to be common ISFP behavior.
In addition, I confronted him about an issue we had last year. He was very apologetic, stated he really values me as a friend, and promised to give a better effort in our friendship. Yet, nothing really changed from that exchange.
So, I'm looking for some general feedback:
1. Do you think he considers me a friend? Should I continue investing? My time is limited, and I want to be investing it wisely with good friends.
2. Am I annoying him by asking him to hang out?
3. How much space should I give in between text messages, lunch invitations, invitations to hang out outside of work?
4. How do ISFPs tend to compromise in friendships/relationships to mesh with other types?
Thanks very much for your thoughts!
However, most anytime I try to follow-up with lunch or a hang-out a week or a few weeks later, he typically has either a legitimate or lame excuse for why he can't. On the flip side, a couple of months ago, he gave me an open invitation to stop by his house anytime I'm in the neighborhood (we live close to each other). He also tends to respond quickly to my texts. Since learning more about ISFPs, I've really focused on giving more space than I normally would in a friendship and not contacting him that often. I've also been more spur-of-the-moment and less planned with him.
Yet, 80-85% of the time, it is me initiating contact. I am the one pretty much always stopping by to visit him at work. He has only asked me to get together about four times total over the last two years. A few times, I've even allowed several weeks or months to pass in between contact, thinking he didn't want my friendship anymore. Then out of the blue, I would hear from him again. From the forums, I recognize this seems to be common ISFP behavior.
In addition, I confronted him about an issue we had last year. He was very apologetic, stated he really values me as a friend, and promised to give a better effort in our friendship. Yet, nothing really changed from that exchange.
So, I'm looking for some general feedback:
1. Do you think he considers me a friend? Should I continue investing? My time is limited, and I want to be investing it wisely with good friends.
2. Am I annoying him by asking him to hang out?
3. How much space should I give in between text messages, lunch invitations, invitations to hang out outside of work?
4. How do ISFPs tend to compromise in friendships/relationships to mesh with other types?
Thanks very much for your thoughts!