Courage or no courage is not what this is about, and it's not about me lacking the courage to make myself vulnerable. It's that it seems superficial, pointless, and unnecessary. And if it were ever the case that I was vulnerable, I wouldn't want to roll around in it, I'd want to fix the issue and get back to what I was doing. The types around me tend to jump at any show of vulnerability and do everything in their power to have everyone see it and to drag it out as long as possible for their own satisfaction, and they think nothing's wrong with this behavior. I don't like being this way, and I definitely wouldn't want it to be some thing that gets triggered and becomes a regular presence in my reality. I also don't want to frequently need a hug, as that implies that my life is frequently shit, and that I'm frequently miserable. I don't want to spend my entire life being miserable or needing support. Why in the hell would I want that? I want to spend most of my life happy, satisfied, prosperous, and doing and accomplishing the things I want. Yes, life isn't always this way, but to legitimately be in a position where this vulnerability/weakness/neediness BS is showing up all the damn time would be a nightmare. And I get annoyed thinking about it, because people actively try to make my life a living hell just so they can rush in to "support" me (and in a way that's not usually genuine) and other bullshit, and I think there is something very wrong with this behavior.
But women keep repeating that they want this over and over again (and you'd be best served figuring out what they really mean), so I suppose if the right woman were to come along, then I would do something like this to get her or to please her, but that's just a "makes sense" theory because that not how I operate. If I can't be myself and can't be comfortable/happy with the compromises I make to have a relationship work, then I'm wasting my time. Relationships should not be a source of misery for either parties, it should be a source of strength, refuge, support, understanding, happiness, etc. I want to stab the people that say pain is love, because I just don't think it's supposed to be that way.
Also, I'm not very mistrustful, though certain people jump out at me as not being trustworthy due to past experience. I just don't care, and would prefer to be in an environment where I don't even have to think about such things as who to trust, etc, because everyone is ethical and honest, and about their business. I haven't had much luck finding such an environment yet. My life has been one string after another of BS. And it's not even anything major, just always something to keep me from being happy, and to keep me from progressing with my life. I wouldn't wish this existence on anyone.
And I remember at moments during this life that I needed the attention and support of others, and it made me aware of the painful reality that those around me wouldn't know how to help me if they tried. They just replay the same bullshit about "talk talk talk your problems out", "express how you feel", "let me give you a hug", "what you need are friends", or suggest some other stupid idea that either does nothing or makes things worse. Truly depressing. I don't need a hug, or to express how I feel. I'm not like you. What I need is to be rid of the problem, and it seems that when my brain shuts down and I can't think through the solution the reality becomes clear that there is no one else around that can do it, or if they are around, they'd rather die than do it. And the message throughout is that "this is life", or that "life is hard" or some other BS, which just makes me think they wouldn't help me even if they knew how. For some reason they prefer it and enjoy it when my life is hell, and I'm accomplishing nothing, and going nowhere, and am surrounded by people like this that only give the runaround while suggesting BS that doesn't work. It's like they can't stand it when I'm working to achieve something big, and it's like they are getting revenge against my larger than life positive outlook and my ambition, by shitting all over any chance I have of making them reality, and by "bringing me down to earth." I think I can do something big, and it becomes their job to make it clear to me, by getting in my way or any other means necessary, to make it clear that I'm wrong. There's no reach for the stars around these people (unless it's their stars), just the same old blah blah blah.
I think it's important for people that do care to realize when they aren't helping. Just blindly forcing shit down people's throat while freaking out at any resistance (and thinking you are perfectly justified in doing it) because you want to help is just not right. If you aren't helping, then your intentions don't matter.. you aren't helping. Either find a way to help, or remove yourself from the situation lest you cause more damage.