ENFJ #2:
We dated very briefly a couple years back to which he disappeared on me after a few great dates (he told me later that he "does that sometimes" ???). Anyways, I run into him at a bar to which he goes NUTS on me. Makes all sorts of extravagant plans to take me out and compliments me like he's been in prison and hasn't seen a woman in 10 years. Escorts me home and we kiss and then I NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. I gave him the second chance because I figured time may have changed him a little.
It's just so psychotic. I mean to go from OMG YOU'RE AMAZING BLAH BLAH BLAH to COMPLETE SILENCE AND UNAVAILABILITY is weird. It almost doesn't register it's so bizarre. Like I don't even really acknowledge it's taken place because it's so f-ing weird.
JoSunshine we've covered a lot of ground since that first post, but...thanks?
How's that going, JoSunshine? (if you don't mind me asking)
Oh god...this thread cannot turn into an ENFJ INFP love fest now.
Plus, there are plenty of ENFJ males that don't do this and would love nothing more than to be the white knight to a special lady. You should go find yourself one of those.
Indeed...and I read every one of them, which is how I know no one said what I wrote. Just sharing an additional viewpoint. I thought the point about the "sure thing" could have been particularly valuable in understanding what other healthy ENFJ's (or any type really) might be feeling especially considering that it has been my particular experience with my INFP that he tends to be cautious and reserved to the point that I have wondered in the past if he felt anything at all towards me, let alone that he was "sure" about me. It was clear to him that he did, but not so clear to me. Fi vs Fe, I'm sure.
Oh god...this thread cannot turn into an ENFJ INFP love fest now. I know make-up sex only feels natural, but I'm a scorned woman and this is my thread dammit.
I love you UDog!
Ummm well everyone of my partners felt lucky at some point .. But things go to hell..
This thread is insane by my standards.
I am sorry for that.
ENFJs make me tired all over!
Things always went to hell for me, even though I've been told by quite a few that I'm the best girl they'd been with. I somehow get dumped and then find out later that the other person regretted doing so. At that point, it's not my problem. Dude had his shot, and blew it.
But it's not your fault the thread is insane!!!!!
HA!!! That's hilarious.. I get told similar stuff. When I first joined facebook and I was speaking to High School people, 3 of my ex girlfriends told me, still 25 years later, I am the standard by which they measure their boyfriends.
Pure crazy..
I heard similar themes through out my life.
But I think therein lies the problem. I am often held to higher standards. I think more than few of my partners in life took it quite personally when they found out I was just human after all.
Also makes me wonder why they weren't more careful when they had me.
ENFJs make me tired all over!
Why do you decide to dismiss legitimate advice as mere “greeting card†clichés?
I'll try to elaborate: When you take responsibility for your emotions, you are no longer the victim that is being helplessly carried away by the manipulative ENFJ. You empower yourself. Perhaps the ENFJ is doing something to trigger your attraction, and then taking it back when you respond. Some definitely do this, and that is not acceptable. But we'll say that he's an insecure ENFJ desperate for validation. Normally that would equate to loser, but because of his charms, general social graces with the opposite gender, and push-pulling, he gets away with it.
This thread reads like the INFPs are completely dependent on the ENFJ deciding to stop needing that validation and ceasing his behavior. It's victim-hood. Good luck with that.
When you take responsibility for your emotions, you realize that you have the ability to DO something about it. On one end, you can stop all communication with the ENFJ. Less drastically, you tell the ENFJ exactly what it is they are doing to trigger your misconceptions, and clearly tell them that if they wish to remain your friend, they must stop. And if they don’t stop, then you now know their validation seeking is more important to them than your friendship.