This is most succinct and wise.
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I 2nd the whole "testing-is-manipulation" thing, although I probably have to admit that I'm guilty of it from time to time. On the other hand, my "tests" are rarely set up. I just see how someone behaves in a situation, and it's usually after the fact that I figure out their behavior which prompts me to realize something about them and if I want to continue the relationship/interaction or not.
A few examples:
A friend was "my friend" frist, then became a mutual friend of the person I was seeing at the time. Besides the weekly game night we would see each other at, this friend and I would meet on our own around once a week. After the relationship dissolved, I opted not to continue going to the game night, and she stayed in the gaming group. In and of itself it wouldn't have been a big deal, but then she quit hanging out with me.
Because of her behavior in all that, and the way she's treated me since (contacting me only when she needs something from me), I've decided to not have her in my life anymore.
I went on a few dates with a guy I met speed dating, and he made a big show that he was a busy person and starting medical school and how all his time was scheduled and allocated away. The next weekend he called me and wanted me to come hang out with him at a bar across town from where I was at the time. I said "OK", but after thinking about it decided that I deserve to be involved with someone who can schedule time in for me, as opposed to just giving me the immediate scraps whenever he happened to be available and expecting me to drop everything for him. So I called him back and canceled.
I was recently out on a biking date with my INTP, and we were down by the beach. It was a holiday and there were a bunch of people out, who we had to swerve and maneuver around. He also surfs a lot, and after we both commented on the hassle I mentioned that he would probably be happy after the summer was over and he could have his beach back. He said, "I would never presume to think of it as my beach." He then went on to say that it was nice to see people using the beach and if you're biking down the beach you should alter your expectations to account for that. Later when I was thinking about the conversation, I thought his whole attitude about that topic was really nice and agreeable, and I thought better of him because of it.