No, I think it's fine if he needs to stay in his cave for a while. I understand that need, and I really want to give that to him. I just kind of wish, you know, he could have told me beforehand (I know! I know!) and then I wouldn't have to spend the weekend thinking I did something wrong and simultaneously keep myself from contacting him (because, you know, I can give him his cave).
Aw... you sound like a very supportive person (here are some free snuggles for you!
). Personal space means a lot to us INTP's; someone who is understanding of our need for "the cave" is very much appreciated.
What I can tell you right now is I'm 99.8% certain that he doesn't have a problem with you. For many INTP's, their need for "the cave" is just as strong as any ENFJ's need for appreciation/emotional validation. Note: Female INTP's (self included) have this impulse as well as the male INTP's. I would go so far as to say that "caving" is the
default mode of INTP's. We feel most at peace when we're caving... as in when we're alone, comtemplating, and relaxing. When we do this, it's not intended as a rejection of you; you seem to understand this in theory, but find it more difficult to accept in practice (please do correct me if I'm wrong).
^ I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here, by the way; just stating my opinions/perceptions.
The problem that needs to be addressed here, IMO: your INTP is unaware of the
extent to which his caving affects you. He isn't aware of the fact that without some sort of reassurance from him, you won't feel as secure about the relationship as he does (which is
NOT your fault). The quickest way to resolve this issue is to tell him flat-out that you would appreciate it if he would inform you beforehand that he needs some time alone. As long as he understands that the issue is there, he'll make efforts to accomodate to your needs.
If that method makes you uncomfortable, you can also try lavishing him with "rewards" (hugs, kisses, gifts, compliments, etc.; whatever he likes and reponds well to) when he comes back to you from his cave. You know this already, but I'm going to say it again for emphasis: do NOT punish your INTP for going to his cave. Keep rewarding him for coming back to you.
This is how the ENFJ in my life got me to keep coming back to her... and I've gotta tell ya, she has me hooked for good.
I just wish I didn't crave snuggles so much. I guess I got used to getting a certain amount of snuggles every week, and the abrupt change in the general way-things-were-going makes me feel a little off.
I relate very much to your INTP in that I tend to sporadically cut off affection from people I care about
without being self-aware of it. The ENFJ in my life facilitated a great deal of emotional growth in me when she made me aware of the gaps that I created in our relationship. Nowadays I make conscious efforts to be accomodating of the ENFJ's needs, cuz I understand that she doesn't like asking for help/support/loving gestures.
TBH the whole effort I'm making to accomodate to the ENFJ's needs make my life very fulfilling. Not only is it a good goal to strive to achieve, but it also makes me feel like I'm a good person (something I don't get to feel quite often!
)
Tis from another thread:
The INTPs inferior and aspirational function... Fe is a nebulous function for INTPs. Many INTPs reject and are actually afraid of it. But when used, it gives the INTP a sense of satisfaction, a �warm n' fuzzy� feeling.