Similarity of thought and speech - abstract or concrete - tends to work
for stability in a relationship, up to a certain point, that is. When both
mates communicate primarily about what they can observe (S), or about
what they can imagine (N), they quickly realize that they are sending and
receiving on the same wave-length as their partner. SPs mated with SJs
and NTs mated with NFs thus know where each other is coming from or
getting at in their messages, and there is pleasure, and strength, in this
common bond. But being too exactly alike (SP-SP, NF-NF, etc.) can have
its down side, the stability of shared language at times giving way to an
irritating predictability, and at other times to an unhealthy duplication,
even competition, in the relationship, problems difficult to ignore, and
which can grow over time. Remember that familiarity breeds contempt,
and if not contempt, then at least boredom, and perhaps rivalry.
On the other hand, complementarity in a couple's style of using tools
(cooperation mated with utility) tends to enhance the level of satisfaction
in a long-term relationship, at least to a certain extent, by creating not only
a feeling of completion or combined resources in the two mates, but also a
charming sense of mystery and challenge. In a cooperator's match with a
utilitarian, the cooperative partner (Guardian or Idealist) might admire the
utilitarian's (Artisan's or Rational's) independence or resourcefulness, while
the utilitarian partner might value the cooperator's interpersonal concern
or conscientiousness. Each might be intrigued by the other's character, and
might even hope to develop the other's neglected side over time. But when
the mates are diametrical opposites (SP-NF or SJ-NT), with different styles
of implementing their goals, and without the common ground of a similar
focus of language, each can feel in the relationship like a stranger in a
strange land, and bridging the gulf can present serious, lasting problems.
This is not to suggest that these problems cannot be solved, whether
problems of excessive similarity or excessive difference. As has been said,
particular couples have a way of working out their relationships no matter
what the mix of temperaments. But when speaking of the frequency of
long-term compatibility, the combination of similarity and complementarity
in the Artisan-Guardian and Rational-Idealist matches seems to give the
best chance of successful mating. In essence, the exceptional vitality of
these marriages comes from a shared style of communicating messages
wedded to an appreciation of, or at least a tolerance for, different ways of
using tools to implement goals.