Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
- Is there a role that you seem to fill?
- How do you act differently than you normally do?
- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?
Why do you think this is so?
As far as parents and siblings go, I feel like we don't have a family. We don't spend the holidays together, not as a group. I'll probably see my mom in a few weeks, and I'll see my sister on Thursday. My dad, I won't see. But even when we were together, it wasn't much of a family feel.
Usually in my family, I end up having to accommodate SFJ mentality. Sensitive and respectful. That's typically all I ever did. If my children are there, since they know the "real me" far more, I'll be exhibiting my funny, imaginative side. If necessary, I'll use my rationality to resolve specific problems that come up or to frame a particular conversation, but the Fe thing dominates all and there's no one there to engage me on a different level.
I honestly have a better time with my friends, even if I do love individual members of my family. At least with family of choice, I'm just me and don't have to rein in anything. I can be as intellectual or imaginative or inappropriately funny (while still being considerate) or sensitive/giving as I want, without fear of being unappreciated or misunderstood.
Why does this happen? Because I feel like out of everyone in my family, from experience, none of them are capable of coming onto my turf, so if I want a relationship with them, I have to go on theirs. The most flexible/adaptable/strongest person has to carry the load. My choice basically has been, "Am I going to invest in this, or am I going to cut my losses?"
Discounting the fact that I hold in any lewd/inappropriate jokes that come into my head, and discounting my lack of swearing, I don't act that differently around my family.
I do tend to swear casually, or go all over the map, when I'm not with my parents/sib. But they're religious and I know they won't appreciate it; it's not worth going there with them.