Dear xxFP,
I love you, man. You're my boy. But you have to stop trying to prescribe what how you THINK I am when I KNOW how I am. It's so f*&$ing annoying. Also, accept me as I am. Just because I don't want to partake in the same things you partake in does NOT make my life "sad."
If someone offered me one of my lives for ten of yours, I wouldn't even hesitate to say "hellllll no."
Love, Your INFJ (although you claim me to be xSxJ b/c you love to disagree with me) bro
Dear ENTP,
You know I think you're fascinating. You aren't exactly emotionally mature yet. That's fine. Let that INFJ jerk you around, when there's a perfectly mature INFJ guy right here who thinks the world of you, laughs at all of your jokes, LOVES listening to your Ne, puts his trust in you when he has trouble trusting even his best friends and parents, and will probably bring you places that you haven't even dreamed of in the bedroom, and WANTS to help make your lofty dreams realities.
Just stick THAT INFJ right in the friend zone.
If you want to do something more than just "hang out," give me a call. We'll see if another girl hasn't taken your place by then. I'm patient, but I won't waste my precious life waiting for you.
Otherwise, stop doubting yourself, you're great, I'll see you in another life.
Love,
The INFJ Who Would Have Made You His World.....If You Let Him
Dear INTJ Best Friend Jo,
You are so self-aggrandizing. You aren't nearly as awesome as you think you are. You are the sour grapes that thinks they are sweet. I realized that I want you to do better more than YOU want you to do better. That, sir, is sad. Your ISFJ girlfriend sucks. You are only 23, how can you even be with a girl who always complains about everyone and everything and has 0 sex drive? What the hell is the matter with you? You call it "love," I call it "I got a girl with a pretty face, so I'm set for life -- a lie to oneself." Get a job, find a way to move out of your house, stop spending every penny you get on weed, stop the drinking, go to a gym and actually break a sweat, and wake up earlier than 10 everyday. Also, get your gatdamn license. Here's another grand idea: GET RID OF THAT DAMNED GIRLFRIEND! Your problems stacked with her problems are just MORE problems on your plate. She doesn't help you. She enables you. And you enable her. But you are both so emotionally and mentally immature you can't even see it.
You know that you ONLY have to say the word and I'll be there to help you. But I'm done helping you because I want to help you. YOU need to want to help YOU.
Love,
Your INFJ Best Friend of 16 Years
P.S. I know where you get your self-aggrandizing from. See your mother.
Dear INTJ Best Friend Ja,
Keep doing what you're doing. You stuck with me through high school, even when I wanted to kick you to the curb. Thanks for that. You're the best friend a guy could have. I trust you with my life and my entire family's life. You are going to make a kickass doctor some day.
Love,
Your INFJ Best Friend