That makes sense, TickTock. Thanks.
To Ygolo and anybody else:
I just looked at the Rosenberg Self-Esteem scale.
Rosenberg self esteem scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Even though I'm constantly wanting to be better, based on that self-esteem scale, I have a high amount of self-esteem. I believe that my constant striving to be better doesn't affect my self-esteem negatively because I don't have any doubt that I can be better as long as I try to be. So I guess my own self-esteem is partially based on that belief. For example, if I was trying to improve some particular aspect of my character, I'd be happy with myself just for trying.
I don't feel a void because the trait I want is missing, I feel excited because I know I'll have it some day. Heck, I feel excited just by knowing it's an option to strive for and that I could possibly have it some day. And I think that's probably the main difference between contingent self-esteem and the other, more holistic, kind of self-esteem.
I agree with TickTock - I do think self-worth is always based on something. I guess the main thing is how complicated or specific of a thing do you base it on. I had a conversation on Ventrilo about this a few months ago, actually, with someone else who had contingent self-esteem.
The things that I base my self-esteem are EASY things that are very broad and generally fail-proof. Haha. I believe that I'm a good person who is doing my best. I know that I'm kind towards people. And beyond my intentions alone, I actually believe that I do pretty well sometimes, that I'm unique, that I'm creative, that I'm relatively smart and capable, and that I have a positive impact, no matter how big or small, on a lot of people. I also believe that I'm constantly becoming better, regardless of how slow progress is, and that because of this, I'll be able to make even more of a positive impact and be able to experience an even deeper and richer life experience in the future. (And I'm excited about that!) Sometimes people think I'm beating myself up when they hear me say negative things about myself, but it's really just out of excitement and the will do better that I do it. The more clearly I look at my flaws, the more excited I get about possibly overcoming them or at least giving them a magnificent battle. Even when I'm miserable and clearly suffering from my own mistakes and faults, I still think I'm awesome, that just means more credit to me for trying to dig myself out of it and more glory for me once I overcome it all!
There, that's probably the corniest thing I've ever written. I'm not an expert, and I'm not trying to make it look like I don't have my own problems, but I tried to help and contribute and that's all that matters to me. I won't base my self-worth on whether I did a good job or made perfect sense or not.
(However, I will try my best to answer questions if there are any.)
What do you actually base your self-worth on Ygolo? How hard is it too maintain?
You wanted convincing, so here's my attempt: You're growing. You're moving UP. Relax and be happy that you're on the right elevator, the upward moving elevator. You're moving up no matter what you do, so failures, unmet expectations, and the occasional letting go of your worries isn't going to make the elevator stop and start going the other way. At the very least, you'll just move slower for a while. You deserve all the self-love in the world for moving in the right direction. It doesn't have to be any more complex than that.