logistician
New member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2015
- Messages
- 6
- MBTI Type
- ISTJ
I've started seeing this INTJ guy and I'm at the stage where I'm unsure if he's interested in a relationship or even a friendship. Just for background, we've only been out 3-4 times in the past 2 months or so.. so our outings are fairly infrequent. I get the feeling that he needs a LOT of space and independence, which is fine with me for now although if we do get closer, I'd ideally like it to go out weekly or fortnightly.
On our first date, it was apparent that we weren't exactly clicking. He was quiet and seemed rather uninterested. I thought he would just end the date early but surprisingly we hung out for a couple of hours. He said he'd be up to go out again but as friends for now (was I just friend-zoned? haha). By the way, I'm an ISTJ and I've read that ISTJ and INTJs have difficulty making a connection or something.
We had a second outing which went better than the first in that he seemed to open up just a tiny bit more. I definitely saw more personality come through. The only thing that drove me nuts was him being indecisive about what he wanted to do (I had made some suggestions but he didn't like any of them), and he kept on looking at and playing with his phone. I thought Js were supposed to be decisive and like to plan things in advance?
Our most recent outing I did all the planning, initiating etc. because I didn't like what happened the last time, and he seemed fine with it. I'm not sure why, but it has been a consistent pattern throughout that our outings always start out quiet and awkward but towards the end, there's free flow of conversation, laughter and things to talk about. This was probably the best outing so far. I've read that INTJs like to talk about intellectual/theoretical/philosophical stuff but he hasn't tried to discuss any of that with me. He probably suspects that I would either be uninterested or would not understand. I consider myself fairly intelligent but yes, as an ISTJ it's true that theoretical and philosophical discussions are unlikely to interest me.
Although I've enjoyed our outings/dates, I am unsure of where things stand between us. We haven't had any serious talks, but then that's probably because neither of us are "feeling" types so we don't find it easy to talk about feelings and stuff. I do get the impression that he enjoys our outings and likes spending time with me, but the constant phone-checking bugs me. It makes me feel like he is bored. I do know that he's the very introverted/shy type. I wonder if he checks his phone as a security blanket, because he has nothing to say and the silence makes him uncomfortable so he resorts to his phone. I find that I'm doing a lot of the initiating, which I don't really mind, but I need some level of reciprocity. I'm fairly resigned to the fact that I'll be the one asking him out. He does take some initiative within the date though, like suggest that we eat somewhere or do something that we didn't plan. He also picks me up and drop me off at home when we go out, even though I didn't ask or suggest that he do so. I text him sometimes to see how he's doing (not much - like once or twice a week) and he always replies but with very clipped responses.
I guess my big question is : how much of this is "he's just an INTJ" versus "he's just not into you"?
If an INTJ is interested, will he take initiative? Can he be open about feelings and stuff or will I have to ask him point-blank? How does an INTJ express interest or affection?
Help.. Sorry I'm totally clueless when dealing with INTJs.
On our first date, it was apparent that we weren't exactly clicking. He was quiet and seemed rather uninterested. I thought he would just end the date early but surprisingly we hung out for a couple of hours. He said he'd be up to go out again but as friends for now (was I just friend-zoned? haha). By the way, I'm an ISTJ and I've read that ISTJ and INTJs have difficulty making a connection or something.
We had a second outing which went better than the first in that he seemed to open up just a tiny bit more. I definitely saw more personality come through. The only thing that drove me nuts was him being indecisive about what he wanted to do (I had made some suggestions but he didn't like any of them), and he kept on looking at and playing with his phone. I thought Js were supposed to be decisive and like to plan things in advance?
Our most recent outing I did all the planning, initiating etc. because I didn't like what happened the last time, and he seemed fine with it. I'm not sure why, but it has been a consistent pattern throughout that our outings always start out quiet and awkward but towards the end, there's free flow of conversation, laughter and things to talk about. This was probably the best outing so far. I've read that INTJs like to talk about intellectual/theoretical/philosophical stuff but he hasn't tried to discuss any of that with me. He probably suspects that I would either be uninterested or would not understand. I consider myself fairly intelligent but yes, as an ISTJ it's true that theoretical and philosophical discussions are unlikely to interest me.
Although I've enjoyed our outings/dates, I am unsure of where things stand between us. We haven't had any serious talks, but then that's probably because neither of us are "feeling" types so we don't find it easy to talk about feelings and stuff. I do get the impression that he enjoys our outings and likes spending time with me, but the constant phone-checking bugs me. It makes me feel like he is bored. I do know that he's the very introverted/shy type. I wonder if he checks his phone as a security blanket, because he has nothing to say and the silence makes him uncomfortable so he resorts to his phone. I find that I'm doing a lot of the initiating, which I don't really mind, but I need some level of reciprocity. I'm fairly resigned to the fact that I'll be the one asking him out. He does take some initiative within the date though, like suggest that we eat somewhere or do something that we didn't plan. He also picks me up and drop me off at home when we go out, even though I didn't ask or suggest that he do so. I text him sometimes to see how he's doing (not much - like once or twice a week) and he always replies but with very clipped responses.
I guess my big question is : how much of this is "he's just an INTJ" versus "he's just not into you"?
If an INTJ is interested, will he take initiative? Can he be open about feelings and stuff or will I have to ask him point-blank? How does an INTJ express interest or affection?
Help.. Sorry I'm totally clueless when dealing with INTJs.