Misty_Mountain_Rose
New member
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2008
- Messages
- 1,123
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.
Needless to say any further, I am another sensitive INFP who's fallen for a strongass INTJ. She's very strong especially on the I T and J. Less so for N.
We're approaching our graduation ball, and I think she's off to the UK or staying in Hong Kong for university. I am staying in Hong Kong for university.
So INTJ women/men, put yourself in her shoes for a moment and if someone relatively close to you said this to you during the graduation ball how would you react? Her name in this case is Gillian.
<Normally before graduation ball, there is time for people to take photos and generally chit chat. This is when I approach her wherever she is.>
"Hey Gillian!" <her response should be 'hey'> "Can you come with me somewhere more private for about a minute? I have something to ask you about unis and the future."
<Ideally, we can find somewhere private and nice to sit down>
"Okay so, don't freak out now. <without stopping for any pause> wo dui ni yau gan jue <Chinese for 'I have feelings for you'>"
<At this point, she'll either freak out and leave or she'll stay and listen. Given that she stays and listens for a bit longer>
"I'm telling you this now because I want to be genuine and honest with you. I don't want us to dissolve into nothing and never breathe a word to one another ever again after this ball. I am pretty sure that with our introverted personalities, we'll lose contact as soon as you're in the UK, and I didn't want that to happen without you knowing this single piece of information. <pause for a bit, but not long, In a very soft tone now> Sometimes I wish that I could help you a bit more. Like maths for example. You always needed help for it, but I was never able to give any. For any of your other subjects, it was probably I who needed the help more than you did! <smile slightly. Pace a bit faster now> But perhaps that's exactly the reason why I enjoy your company. <short pause awaiting her response. If she has no response. . .> "I know we won't have much chance being together, we have, afterall, only a few months left. What do you think/how do you feel (not sure which one)? I've always wanted to hear your thoughts."
<end>
So, given that we're quite good friends, how would you react? Any room for improvements?
I can't speak for all the INTJ women (maybe this just applies to people in general?), but honestly, say it how you want, but maybe preface it with 'You don't have to respond right now and we can talk about this later... but...'
After you've had your say, if she seems like she doesn't have a ready response, let her off the hook for a bit so she can think about what you said. She'll think about it, trust me. Depending on how patient you are, you could give her a specific time when you two can meet up and discuss, or you can tell her to get back to you when she is ready. (The second one would make me more nervous than the first.)
She may not take you up on your offer to wait... in which case she'll dive right in to her response. If she does that, she's probably already thought about this possibility (to a great extent) and knows her answer. If she does this, take her at her word. My guess is if she's true to form, she won't give a solid answer unless she's thought it through. If she's blindsided by it and hasn't considered the possibility before, she'll need time to process.
Just my two-cents