Ok here are some examples
1. The other person wants to have a small talk , light conversation while I am pushing / want more serious conversation. Especially if I get the impression that the other person is running away from problems.
2. I just come to a person draw its attention and say that I have his/her noticed problem and how much it trouble his or her. And then I offer solutions.
I know that by social codex this is not something you should do.
However I am wondering where exactly is the problem. (from perspective of other people)
Okay, let’s see… for me I typically do find myself a little surprised in this type of situation, usually taken aback, because it’s not how most people would respond to small talk. I wouldn’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, though. It could lead to some very interesting conversations. But it can definitely be surprising, particularly in a light-hearted situation like a party or something. And as for a situation where somebody is offering me unsolicited advice… I guess it would depend if I was actively trying to solve the problem or not. In general, if I’m trying to solve a problem then I look for any type of insight into it that I can find, from any source. However, if it is not something that I have recognized as a problem, then I may or may not appreciate someone bringing it to my attention and telling me what they think I should do about it.
I guess a good way of thinking of this type of thing is that it’s like training for a physical activity. Let’s say you are going to do a triathlon. You need to prepare for it, you need to lift weights and go running/swimming/biking in the months leading up to it, and you need to be sure to eat proper food and get enough sleep too. It takes awhile to get to the point where your body is capable of performing at that level. And some people need less time to train for such physical activity than others. Some people have an easier time with one part of the process than another.
You can think of it the same way with being emotionally ready to deal with a situation. I think people tend to need some time to adjust to the idea that it actually is a problem. This can take a lot of effort for some people. there’s a lot that goes into it, mentally and emotionally leading up to the change (for some) beside actually making the change. It involves shifting around different priorities, their world view, their understanding of themselves… it takes time and energy, and it can be frightening. Imagine the time and effort training for the race, but now applied inside of a person. Just like you cannot make somebody get into physical shape for the triathlon (the only person who can do that is themselves), you cannot force a person to be ready to make a change in their lifestyle or perceptions…
One other thing is the idea of authority. People may not perceive you as having the knowledge into their situation and their context to give them advice, therefore they may not listen to it. Or people may not trust your insight because they do not trust you as a person. Obviously I am speaking in generalities here, I do not know you and I am not saying you aren’t trustworthy. In fact you seem very sincere in understanding other people.
Another thing could be that deep down the person is getting some sort of perverse pleasure out of the situation. I know people who are like that, actually. They bemoan their condition but actually they secretly love it. I don’t know why people feel that pleasure though. Probably because it reinforces beliefs they have about themselves or something and because it’s easier than trying to do something about it.
I have no idea if any of this is helpful or not.