See the thing is, which is what I wonder about when people complain about the ExFJs and FJs in their life, is are they taking the 10 things that annoy them about this person and completely blowing it up to be the whole of their being? No one is trying to stop valid criticism. But the noise of I hate it when Fe does this and Fe does that is all you hear. And like I said already, the complaints aren't even original. It's the same old same old.
About my boss: She has been at my organization for 15 years. If you've been at a place that long, you'll naturally go up the ladder simply by virtue of seniority or being the last man standing. My particular department has been through two turnovers since 2000 (I just started in 2006) and she is the person who's been here the longest and knows the most.
I think she's a decent person and I can handle both her good and her bad qualities. She is not leadership material and she's not a good supervisor. Does that mean I dislike her as a person? No. I feel like I'm capable of separating her personal attributes from her professional ones. Her professional attributes are nightmarish occasionally, but I don't inflate those things to the whole of her person. It often seems to me that people inflate an FJs negative traits (which every person has) to some twisted caricature of the whole person. And then they give some MBTI cliche positive traits to make up for it and I see very little nuanced criticism of Fi (maybe because the second largest type group on the forum is INFP) to balance the criticism of Fe.
In this case, to my view, whether or not she is a nice or good person or if you like her on a personal level doesn't seem to factor in. She's a part of your professional life and you have to deal with her on a professional level. It's her professional behavior that causes you stress.
It seems like she was placed in a job that she wasn't suited for and so how can the people around help but magnify her negative traits? Her negative traits seem directly opposed to her position so they stick out like a sore thumb, it has nothing to do with if she is a nice or good person but that she's not competent and that causes frustration and dysfunction. Your complains about her seem valid and I feel a lot of sympathy for you over it.
Like I am thinking of an FJ relative. I know she has good traits but her position relative to me places her in a postion where I bear the brunt of her bad traits and the fallout from them without gaining any of the benefit of her good traits, so hence I'm more likely to rant than glorify her. But there's another EFP female relative who displays negative Fi traits and I've ranted about her too. In fact, I won't talk to her anymore.
BTW, I do see criticism all over this board for INFPs. We're just aimless, whining cry babies who are so selfish, we're boring and we bother people with useless things like values and we all want to return to Disneyland and childhood and we let everyone around us down because we're so self centered.
By larger point earlier was just to say I realize that I put out shadow vibes that J types can pick up on. I mean, yeah there are people I do avoid or that cringe before I have to deal with them because of their "are you depressed? Are you upset? Are you mad?" type questioning. Like there's this one relative:
On the phone:
"Are you depressed?"
"No, why do you ask?" --- Me
"Well, you're talking really slow."
"I had an antihistiamine earlier because I was feeling sick and now I feel pretty tired."
"Yes, but you always talk so slow."
"I was raised in Texas." ---- Me, laughing now.
"So, are you going to tell me what you're depressed about?"
"I am in a fine mood today, what's going on with you?"
"Come on, tell me what's going on." Person growing irritated.