SilkRoad, I was diagnosed with GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder at 22 and it was serious stuff. I think there are people who actually enjoy/find comfort in wallowing in depression, self misery, but I've never been one of them. I rarely like to admit any kind of emotional vulnerability, believing that any kind of depression/anxiety is something I can change or un-do if I examine long enough, find the right angle, work hard enough, etc. But this "do it all myself" mentality truly screwed me up...
The way I delt with it was by not dealing with it.
very similar, i was diagnosed at 27. what spurred it was i had put
my own career on hold and went to work for my family because i felt
that was the right thing to do at the time, this unspoken sense of obligation.
but i didn't realised then how i would end up feeling like i completely
lost control over myself, what i wanted to do, it all just became a 'duty'
that just drowned me. i was just lost, because i was listening to so many
people all at once and stopped listening to myself.
i completely withdrew from others and myself--and that's what i realise
now, it's dangerous to stop listening to yourself. it took me awhile, to
get back, i'm usually good at not staying unhappy for too long, but while
i was on meds: rivotril/klonopin, it just kinda made me sleep a lot. plus
i have a tendency to abuse drugs, and like to play pharmacist on myself.
i just had to get off the meds, had to impose restrictions so i could slowly
build up self-control--which is just very, very hard for me. i can't just have
a little--it's always all or nothing for me. and it included me having to give
up recreational drugs. up to that point, i had been a chronic pot smoker,
for almost ten years, and was consistently going on coke binges. like
10g in a
weekend. it was insane and sooo cliche. i'd be up for 5 days
straight and just crash and burn.
but i got out of the zone, by just attacking the root of the problem.
listened to myself. figured out what i needed. not just what i wanted.
and went from there. discipline. is very hard for me. when i lack it,
i realise i'm not listening to myself. had to be an environment that was
conducive to getting better also. i started meditating a lot. just started
taking care of myself better. it's just hard, getting over myself, but i figure
nobody else gonna do it for me, so there was no choice.
i went back to what i loved, and what i knew best. and just had to pause
outside noise for awhile. and i just made up for all the time i was gone,
i was completely zoned in to building back what i had lost. very satisfying.
it just drove all the crazies out, and gave me a fresh pair of lens to look
through. very cool.