Southern Kross
Away with the fairies
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2008
- Messages
- 2,910
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
See the 'backstabbing' didn't really bother me, but then I define the word differently to most people. When you find someone annoying, it is natural to complain about them, and venting about someone when they're not around to hear it is infinitely better than just abusing them to their face. I don't think it disingenuous to be civil to someone you don't like - in fact, I think it virtuous to control your emotional response to them and treat them with respect, regardless. I see backstabbing as having more of an intention to publicly discredit someone while feigning warmth and friendship towards them - and because I don't wish to speculate on whether this is the case, I will give the ISTP the benefit of the doubt and assume it was just a rant.Complainer's Behavior Lacked Congruity with Her Feelings:
Fi Likes Authenticity and Truthiness
If my Fi/Te driven opinion is at all representative of other Fi/Te users, I found it DEEPLY offensive that the complainer would act one way around the subject of her complaints and another way in her absence. This incongruity in her behavior felt disingenuous at best and backstabbing and unnecessarily cruel at worst.
Not All Fi Values are Created Equal:
What Is the Most Important Value in this Situation?
What seemed of primary importance to me was that the complainer was morally in the wrong to publicly talk about the object of her complaints to Orobas. Only after this point is agreed upon, then would I begin to sort through the veracity of the complainer's statements.
I do believe you are right about the importance of 'authenticity' and that we Fi users are focusing on quite different issues but we are simply applying the values differently to this situation
Yes, I do see that as a secondary issue; not because I consider it unimportant whether there is neglect or not but because I draw a conclusion on this based on the claims made by the accusor. I find what the ISTP says to be quite telling and that it negates the whole neglect issue.I think to Fe-Ti, the veracity of the claims (or lack thereof, depending) is very relevant to the conversation that took place. To determine whether the ISTP was being overly harsh or not, it seems important to know whether the claims were valid.
I think in Fi-Te terms that perhaps is a separate issue. For me, it is one and the same issue, and that is maybe why there seems to be a disconnect.
It is possible that she really is seeing neglect and is failing to properly articulate it but from the limited information that she gave there is little to no evidence of it. Additionally, I believe that the way in which she justifies her argument (ie. clouded with emotions and logical fallacies), actually discredits any real evidence that she provided. As she is the primary source of information on this issue (and being now discredited in my eyes), this leads me to conclude there is no reliable evidence of neglect, and until there is, I will presume the ISFP to be innocent of it. Following this conclusion, I then evaluate the fact that the ISTP has made (as OA said) slanderous remarks she can't back up. This is where I begin to think her spiteful and judgemental, because she has callously made an unjustifiable accusation about the ISFP over so serious an issue as child neglect. Note: irrelevant to this opinion of her behaviour, is the fact that she vented about the ISFP, and whether or not she is compassionate in her attempts to help her. I am only focused on what the ISTP herself said about the situation, everything else is unreasonable speculation.
Hopefully this makes sense...