[ISTP] How to keep an ISTP

[ChocolateMoose123]

Dunno. I think that sweet nectar turns our Se and Fe loose and we just don't give a f*ck.

 

[Heinel]

Actually I have another theory sort of brewing in my head.
Though it's not totally about MBTI. You know, the ISTP in MBTI translates to either LSI (ISTj) or SLI (ISTp) in socionics? In socionics perceiving and judging is understood differently, but anyway. The way it goes, it seems that ISTPs who love getting drunk, or like the adrenaline rush from extreme sports or competitive sports or whatever, are SLIs. Their first function is Si, which makes sense, since it's about sensations and your own experience of that sensation.

So yeah. Since people feel at ease when their first function is active, booze is indeed the key to an SLI's (which is some ISTPs) heart.

 

[Bamboo]

I actually enjoy 'using things against them', or at least, I do something that could be misinterpreted that way. Because I enjoy understanding and making sense out of people, I'll point out things that you seem to do in an inconsistent way, in the hopes that you can enlighten me as to why the dichotomy exists, or to point out to you that your actions might not be in line with your values/reasoning/previous actions. I don't mean that badly, but it can certainly sometimes not be appreciated by people.

I...take it that's a no-no with ISTPs then?

As someone else pointed out (I skimmed through), how you do this makes a difference.

I don't think it's a bad thing, as long as you're motivated by feelings of good will and reciprocity. Do unto others...

 

[Wild horses]

The only way to 'keep' anybody is realise that you can't 'keep' anybody... I think that this is good advice for anyone in a relationship with any type...

 

[Bamboo]

I agree Wild Horses, but being that this thread is dominated by ISTPs and XNFPs, it has diverged from that original topic considerably.

 

[JustHer]

Dunno. I think that sweet nectar turns our Se and Fe loose and we just don't give a f*ck.

Drunk ISTPs are so great

There's nothing like Se + Fe combined!

 

[seamaid]

Drunk ISTPs are so great

There's nothing like Se + Fe combined!

What does this look like?? My ISTP has a high tolerance for alcohol or something--I don't think he's ever let himself get drunk around me or his coworkers yet. Though his old college buddies might tell a different story...

 

[Poki]

Girl: So, just out of curiosity, do you ever miss your mom?

ISTP: Uh... maybe.

(Long pause.)

Girl: Wait. What. What kind of answer is that?!

ISTP: So, how about that new Motorola DROID phone that's hitting stores soon?

that would be my answer. I went to college and it didnt bother me to be away from my parents at all nor did i really miss them and me and both my parents got along really well. Now if my mom asked me that question, i would probably try and side step it or answer vaguely.

I see your reasoning, but I don't completely agree. I do think that the past is valid and it has a lot more impact than we often realize. At least, I find it to be true for most people. And...most of them don't even know that they're bringing it into the equation. Often it also gets them stuck in a pattern that can be unhealthy or an explanation as to why they do something typically, or why someone else triggers that pattern in them.

I don't judge. Everyone has their reasons, has been formed by their past, by their emotional bagage and they're all human and have their flaws, as well as their strengths. I won't ever hold that against someone. But I do wanna know where it comes from. Much like NTs like solving problems, I enjoy solving the puzzle that is a person. So..yeah, I'm going to be curious about your past, coz I wanna see you as an entire person. I wanna see the patterns emerge, the journey you've made, I want you to share with me how you experienced those things, how it formed your look on life, your perspective on the world, which I in turn can learn from as well. It's all relevant to me. Not to judge you. But to understand you completely

I do respect it though when people rather not talk. Though..I might try several times to get to that topic as several roads do lead to Rome..and several streaks of curiosity can end me up at that same roadblock again and again

When you hit that same roadblock again and again, its something we do not wish to disclose. We are not a type that feels like we have to disclose anything and along the same lines we dont feel like anyone else should either. Similiar to you I believe people will eventually tell us things because once they do learn us, they realize we do not judge either.

 

[SillySapienne]

Too P to read all the responses, but to reiterate....

ONE CANNOT KEEP AN ISTP!!!!

If they like you, they come back to you.

If they love you, they stay.

 

[toast]

I will only be put on a leash by my choice so the topic really doesnt bother me. Look at Amars response. I never felt a leash growing up, it doesnt mean it was not present.

I think its easy to let anyone "go" & be free if they give you some security first. Its the leap of faith that ISTPs seem to need initially that sucks for the types that need security. There seems to be a lot of (maybe subconscious) "testing the boundaries" that goes on in new relationships / friendships with ISTPs that really shakes the foundations for me. It pretty much always ends up getting them plenty of "space", but it also degrades what I could feel for them or the depth of a relationship I could have with them. It kills the intensity of my attraction to their ISTPness, because I come to the conclusion that it is unwise to invest that kind of intensity. The ISTP may not even notice this is happening though, so I guess it works out anyway.

I hate feeling overwhelmed sometimes by people surrounding me with needs or expectations. Like when I'm tired, I want to shake off all the people that seem to shackle me & take all my time & energy. But I never really consider wanting to be "free" of them. I figure I can just hide or get away for a while when I need to. I can't really fathom feeling caged in.

I can relate to the ISTP "live & let live" thing in one way though...

I never really think a relationship can't be fine if its taken moment to moment. Though it is difficult for me to live like that, I feel like if the people around me just take it easy & don't get crazy or panicky on me, I will never really have any reason to abandon them. I think the ISTPs I know get this too. Most of their relationships seem to end when people just get paranoid that they are driving them away... and then they drive them away.

When you hit that same roadblock again and again, its something we do not wish to disclose. We are not a type that feels like we have to disclose anything and along the same lines we dont feel like anyone else should either.

This I really like about ISTPs. It is soooo much easier to deal with the silence when you know they aren't expecting you to say anything either. Can be a bit confusing when they are looking for attention but don't have much to say (Like when they are in a bad mood & just want you to small talk so they can be distracted). But overall, that ability not to judge or feel entitled is so refreshing. Definitely one of the greatest ISTP qualities.

 

[Amargith]

What does this look like?? My ISTP has a high tolerance for alcohol or something--I don't think he's ever let himself get drunk around me or his coworkers yet. Though his old college buddies might tell a different story...

That seems to be a typical ISTP thing too! From what I hear, they have to drink a lot to be and stay drunk

 

[countrygirl]

Please take this wisdom in the nicest way possible.... too much open communication about one's ex's is just not necessary. After all, the relationship is about you and the person you are with in the present time and nobody else, right? If you're married and you and your husband want to go there, how nice for you. My advice to anyone else dating would be to fight the urge to ask these types of unnecessary questions. Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Would you want to be put on the spot and asked the question you are about to ask someone else? God no!!!

I got to be honest, if a guy starts asking me personal ex-BF questions, it will suddenly rob me of my positive emotions for them. Why? because I'll interpret that as an insecurity... not attractive! I'll also be wondering why the person is thinking about my ex-BF's past and not focusing on me in the present moment.

First of all your opinion is just that, an opinion, not wisdom.

Secondly, it does open the door for some good conversation.

I guess it really depends on the person you are talking with, why they are asking and their intentions with that information. I can see that under certain circumstances it could be seen as insecurity by the person asking but it also shows insecurity by not answering.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I guess it really depends on the person you are talking with, why they are asking and their intentions with that infomation.

Very true. This ultimately determines whether or not I and probably most ISTP's disclose anything. It really is subjective to the person asking.

 

[millerm277]

What does this look like?? My ISTP has a high tolerance for alcohol or something--I don't think he's ever let himself get drunk around me or his coworkers yet. Though his old college buddies might tell a different story...

Depends on your ISTP. I'd say we tend to fall into one of two groups.

1. Like to drink and get drunk because it loosens us up and lets us overcome certain mental blocks we have.
2. Don't like to drink and/or get drunk because it loosens our mouths, and we too strongly like to keep our thoughts to ourself.

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, I could be wrong, but.....I think ISTP's may have an above average tolerance generally (we might still drink a ton making it irrelevant though), because we have some very strong control over ourselves normally.

Too P to read all the responses, but to reiterate....

ONE CANNOT KEEP AN ISTP!!!!

If they like you, they come back to you.

If they love you, they stay.

Agreed. Trying to "close your grasp" on us, will just make us bolt for the door in a hurry.

 

[jixmixfix]

That seems to be a typical ISTP thing too! From what I hear, they have to drink a lot to be and stay drunk

I'm drinking right now and making fun of someone on my MSn who I dislike it feels good. lol I think sometimes you have to let go of your logical side a bit...stop thinking....and project emotions.

 

[sLiPpY]

ISTP's are very good and open about projecting emotion at annoying nemisis.

+1

 

[StephMC]

Depends on your ISTP. I'd say we tend to fall into one of two groups.

1. Like to drink and get drunk because it loosens us up and lets us overcome certain mental blocks we have.
2. Don't like to drink and/or get drunk because it loosens our mouths, and we too strongly like to keep our thoughts to ourself.

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, I could be wrong, but.....I think ISTP's may have an above average tolerance generally (we might still drink a ton making it irrelevant though), because we have some very strong control over ourselves normally.

I'd agree with that. I've always switched between the two for extended periods of time. It depends on what I'm going through. And I don't think it's that we literally have a higher tolerance, but we just have a better "mind over matter" ability than others. So pretty much what you said... we have very strong control over ourselves.

Edit: .... when we want to.

 

[Poki]

It pretty much always ends up getting them plenty of "space", but it also degrades what I could feel for them or the depth of a relationship I could have with them. It kills the intensity of my attraction to their ISTPness, because I come to the conclusion that it is unwise to invest that kind of intensity.

You would be suprised what we notice. 99% of a relationship to an ISTP is not out in the open. We work to balance the NF/ST difference. We try to absorb that difference in emotional intensity as much as we can. While we may not always know why others are really emotional and have an average EQ, Our EQ is almost 100% from emotional stability. We are specialized in this one field. We will use our stability to absorb emotions from others as best we can. We will absorb good as well as bad. Eventually it works its way back out.

I hate feeling overwhelmed sometimes by people surrounding me with needs or expectations. Like when I'm tired, I want to shake off all the people that seem to shackle me & take all my time & energy. But I never really consider wanting to be "free" of them. I figure I can just hide or get away for a while when I need to. I can't really fathom feeling caged in.

SPs learn from experience. While we can read and study as much as possible, we are a type that until we do it hands on you dont learn all the little nuances that appear. In the world of computers its called undocumented features With just theory we feel lost, we know that theory is just an educated guess.

I can relate to the ISTP "live & let live" thing in one way though...

I never really think a relationship can't be fine if its taken moment to moment. Though it is difficult for me to live like that, I feel like if the people around me just take it easy & don't get crazy or panicky on me, I will never really have any reason to abandon them. I think the ISTPs I know get this too. Most of their relationships seem to end when people just get paranoid that they are driving them away... and then they drive them away.

We know how to make people panicky and wont do it on purpose just to drive you away. This is one of my flaws, but also one of my strengths. What is done has to be for a reason, in return I trust that what you do is done for a reason. Comes back to the trust thing.

This I really like about ISTPs. It is soooo much easier to deal with the silence when you know they aren't expecting you to say anything either. Can be a bit confusing when they are looking for attention but don't have much to say (Like when they are in a bad mood & just want you to small talk so they can be distracted). But overall, that ability not to judge or feel entitled is so refreshing. Definitely one of the greatest ISTP qualities.

Thank you

 

[jixmixfix]

ISTP's are very good and open about projecting emotion at annoying nemisis.

+1