[ISTP] How to keep an ISTP

[Poki]

Hehe...coz I like knowing how people work. Coz you guys are an enigma to me as we're sooo different in the way we look upon the world and yet somehow seem to click and share a lot still too. I like figuring out how people work, what makes them tick, how they view the world and what motivates them, what their boundaries and significant differences compared to me are. And normally, I'd do this with people one on one, but I've found that when I talk to ISTPS one on one, I get too into this (as I can go for hours on this), and it's not what they necessarily wanna be talking about (and I hate being pushy). On here, I know you'll be in that mindset as..well, it's a thread about what ISTPs are like, and if you don't want to reply, you have the freedom to walk away and not post at all

That said, I appreciate your patience with me

Thats interesting seeing the dynamics between an ENFP and an INFP and really start seeing the differences and understanding Ne vs Fi

It is not really about being social or not. It is truly about external perception vs internal feeling. Not about being social or quiet.

 

[miss fortune]

This is a wonderful thing to watch. Someone doing something they like and being amused. Something about someone amusing themselves.

Do something to get us to laugh at you

that's easy... I frequently do hideously klutzy things, like shut my own head in the car door by accident, and then have the good sense to be amused by it instead of crying and needing reassurance

or figuring out a new way to slice potatoes thinnly, running into the livingroom, and enthusiastically announcing the new discovery with enthusiasm usually reserved for things like Christmas morning- this was good probably because it led to fried potatoes

yeah- he has no shortage of things to make fun of me for...

 

[seamaid]

Are ISTPs consistent in what they want?

What I mean is, once they decide that they like/want something..do they ever grow tired of it, bored, when it is no longer new? Or will something consistently draw them near if they had one good experience with it, say for instance, go to a themepark. Do you want a new themepark every time or is the same themepark that you loved the first time always exciting coz it offers that same buzz over and over again?

I'm not an ISTP, but I'll venture to take a guess based on what I've read on these forums so far.

I don't think ISTPs think of important relationships the same way as they do things, places and experiences (I would put new acquaintances in this latter category).

Theme parks, restaurants, stores, books, etc, don't really change what they offer in terms of experience. They're fairly predictable after a while. The brief novelty is thrilling, but that's all it is--a short thrill.

However, people don't have to be. You might think you know everything there is to know about someone, but as long as they continue to grow and develop, I would hope that they not only do not get "boring" but attain that rare status of offering both deep familiarity & intimacy, while keeping up the ability to still provoke and surprise.

ISTPs: do you agree or disagree?

Edit: I think Poki already agreed/said this several posts ago. Oops.

 

[sLiPpY]

Yeh, I agree...especially with, "rare status of offering both deep familiarity & intimacy"

 

[Heinel]

Hehe...coz I like knowing how people work. Coz you guys are an enigma to me as we're sooo different in the way we look upon the world and yet somehow seem to click and share a lot still too. I like figuring out how people work, what makes them tick, how they view the world and what motivates them, what their boundaries and significant differences compared to me are. And normally, I'd do this with people one on one, but I've found that when I talk to ISTPS one on one, I get too into this (as I can go for hours on this), and it's not what they necessarily wanna be talking about (and I hate being pushy). On here, I know you'll be in that mindset as..well, it's a thread about what ISTPs are like, and if you don't want to reply, you have the freedom to walk away and not post at all

That said, I appreciate your patience with me

It's actually very easy to tell whether ISTPs want to talk about something or not, because if they don't, they'll just stop. You'll start seeing half a response, or no response, or a retreat.

 

[seamaid]

Girl: So, just out of curiosity, do you ever miss your mom?

ISTP: Uh... maybe.

(Long pause.)

Girl: Wait. What. What kind of answer is that?!

ISTP: So, how about that new Motorola DROID phone that's hitting stores soon?

 

[sLiPpY]

Well, uh...

Going to summer camp and field trips? Not once. Staying with grandparents over a weekend, never...

It's just that I live in the moment and with whom ever I'm with, or whatever I'm doing? For the moment.

Hanging out with mom was fun, and I didn't miss my friends or girlfriend during the times we were visiting and/or doing things.

 

[seamaid]

I didn't really want to know the answer to THAT question, actually.

I couldn't think of a real-life one where my ISTP evaded answering it successfully, so I made one up (kinda lame sorry). But I know he DID evade a couple of times, just like that! Probably in response to some overly personal ex-girlfriend question perhaps.

 

[countrygirl]

Girl: So, just out of curiosity, do you ever miss your mom?

ISTP: Uh... maybe.

(Long pause.)

Girl: Wait. What. What kind of answer is that?!

ISTP: So, how about that new Motorola DROID phone that's hitting stores soon?

LOL.

My husband does this alot. He's not avoiding questions. He has one passion that dominates his life and therefore is always thinking about it.

 

[countrygirl]

**gringe** ...oh no! oh god,... don't do that!! why would you ask personal ex-gf questions?? that's not cool for any type, that's common sense. just FYI. you naturally know this as an INFP!
jeez, follow your gut next time.

Why not ask? My husband and I have talked about our past. I see it as open communication and honesty.

 

[sLiPpY]

*looks both ways* *ducks out the side door*

 

[Bamboo]

that's easy... I frequently do hideously klutzy things, like shut my own head in the car door by accident, and then have the good sense to be amused by it instead of crying and needing reassurance

or figuring out a new way to slice potatoes thinnly, running into the livingroom, and enthusiastically announcing the new discovery with enthusiasm usually reserved for things like Christmas morning- this was good probably because it led to fried potatoes

yeah- he has no shortage of things to make fun of me for...

Definetly entp.

also, try not to get off on some mental tangent about politics or whatever and cut off your index finger slicing potatoes. or back up into my car listening to talk radio. please.

i worry about you guys.

Why not ask? My husband and I have talked about our past. I see it as open communication and honesty.

I'll second this. I don't really mind talking about my past. And for her case, I know I'm not the first guy, why pretend? I can probably learn something about how I fit into her life but finding out why the other guys no longer are.

I'll know how not to screw up. This won't necessarily preclude me from screwing up, but at least I won't be clueless.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

If someone wants to tell me something about their past or exes. Fine by me. I don't judge...but I will remember...

I don't like someone asking me about my past. I'll decide when or if or what I disclose. It can be a turn off if someone is asking these questions too soon. Often it depends on if I feel like the person asking me these questions can handle the answers.

The worst thing is dating someone who uses what I have disclosed as ammo for arguments. I absolutely hate that and it's a surefire way to have me leave yo' ass stat!

 

[Amargith]

I actually enjoy 'using things against them', or at least, I do something that could be misinterpreted that way. Because I enjoy understanding and making sense out of people, I'll point out things that you seem to do in an inconsistent way, in the hopes that you can enlighten me as to why the dichotomy exists, or to point out to you that your actions might not be in line with your values/reasoning/previous actions. I don't mean that badly, but it can certainly sometimes not be appreciated by people.

I...take it that's a no-no with ISTPs then?

 

[Trepidation]

I actually enjoy 'using things against them', or at least, I do something that could be misinterpreted that way. Because I enjoy understanding and making sense out of people, I'll point out things that you seem to do in an inconsistent way, in the hopes that you can enlighten me as to why the dichotomy exists, or to point out to you that your actions might not be in line with your values/reasoning/previous actions. I don't mean that badly, but it can certainly sometimes not be appreciated by people.

I...take it that's a no-no with ISTPs then?

It's in the difference between making an observation and making a judgement. It would probably be fine if you say "I don't get this, you did X last time because you value this, that and the other. But this time you did Y, which seems to contradict that." But if you say "What the hell? Why do you always have to have double standards about everything?" then I doubt that you'll get a positive reaction. I don't think it's really specific to ISTPs, but that's how I've always thought about it.

 

[Amargith]

^No, though I do that too. I'm talking about pointing out discrepancies in their behavior, or like things where I feel I haven't gotten all the pieces of the puzzle yet to interpret them correctly. The second instance I'm talking about is where I've got a pretty clear picture and something doesn't add up and smells of hypocrisy..Could be hypocrisy they're not aware of and don't mean that way, they've just never realised it was hypocrisy. So I'll point it out carefully by questionning it innocently, to see if I've made an interpretation mistake, or if they just don't realize it's hypocritical. Those I see being deliberate hypocrits and asses at the same time get it full throttle though

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I...take it that's a no-no with ISTPs then?

When you explain your reasoning it's more understandable why you are curious and why you would ask but I can't speak for other ISTP's. Only myself and I would definitely not like that. I wouldn't be offended but more than likely I would just shut that line of questioning down. Nicely. Here's why:

Every situation is different. Every person I have been involved with is different. Which means that my actions in that relationship was particular and unique because that individual is particular and unique as well. If I did something in one relationship that could be considered "out of character" (i.e. what you judge my character to be) it's because I was responding to something at that moment in that time that felt right.

Therefore, I don't feel like there's much of a need to disclose the past because it is not indicative of any current or future behavior on my part while involved with you. I would respond only to you. I don't take the past with me other than the lessons learned. So talking about it is pointless.

It's natural for you to do what you said you like to do with that information. People are human.

For example. If someone tells me they cheated on the last three lovers they had. Guess what? I'm not gonna judge you but I'm gonna keep that in mind. If you tell me something about your past I figure you're telling me because it's important for me to know. So. I won't forget it.

If it's not important and you're just disclosing your past to do so. Eh. Okay. But why give someone cause to get distracted from the here and now and what is going on with YOUR relationship with THAT person? Make sense?

 

[Amargith]

I see your reasoning, but I don't completely agree. I do think that the past is valid and it has a lot more impact than we often realize. At least, I find it to be true for most people. And...most of them don't even know that they're bringing it into the equation. Often it also gets them stuck in a pattern that can be unhealthy or an explanation as to why they do something typically, or why someone else triggers that pattern in them.

I don't judge. Everyone has their reasons, has been formed by their past, by their emotional bagage and they're all human and have their flaws, as well as their strengths. I won't ever hold that against someone. But I do wanna know where it comes from. Much like NTs like solving problems, I enjoy solving the puzzle that is a person. So..yeah, I'm going to be curious about your past, coz I wanna see you as an entire person. I wanna see the patterns emerge, the journey you've made, I want you to share with me how you experienced those things, how it formed your look on life, your perspective on the world, which I in turn can learn from as well. It's all relevant to me. Not to judge you. But to understand you completely

I do respect it though when people rather not talk. Though..I might try several times to get to that topic as several roads do lead to Rome..and several streaks of curiosity can end me up at that same roadblock again and again

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I see your reasoning, but I don't completely agree. I do think that the past is valid and it has a lot more impact than we often realize. At least, I find it to be true for most people. And...most of them don't even know that they're bringing it into the equation. Often it also gets them stuck in a pattern that can be unhealthy or an explanation as to why they do something typically, or why someone else triggers that pattern in them.

I think this is especially true for people who don't know themselves very well. Then the past creeps in and can sabotage relationships.

I don't judge. Everyone has their reasons, has been formed by their past, by their emotional bagage and they're all human and have their flaws, as well as their strengths. I won't ever hold that against someone. But I do wanna know where it comes from. Much like NTs like solving problems, I enjoy solving the puzzle that is a person. So..yeah, I'm going to be curious about your past, coz I wanna see you as an entire person. I wanna see the patterns emerge, the journey you've made, I want you to share with me how you experienced those things, how it formed your look on life, your perspective on the world, which I in turn can learn from as well. It's all relevant to me. Not to judge you. But to understand you completely

Very understandable. One of my very best friends is ENFP. I know how you guys work. She knows everything about me and is one of the most open-minded individuals I know. Keep in mind my previous post was geared towards the general population and not just curious ENFP's.

I do respect it though when people rather not talk. Though..I might try several times to get to that topic as several roads do lead to Rome..and several streaks of curiosity can end me up at that same roadblock again and again

Ultimately this is how you guys open people up. I may not disclose what you are asking the first few times but in time, when I know and trust you, that third or fourth time you ask may do the trick.

Or just get us drunk. Much easier.

 

[Amargith]

What is it with ISTPs and being drunk?
It's like the button 'Open' suddenly appears out of no where