[ISFJ] isfj love interest

[d@v3]

Tough break.

huh?
Yes, it is tough to get an ISFJ to be more than friends with you, even though they flirt with you all the time.
This sums up my current situation with ISFJ:

 

[Grungemouse]

huh?

As in, ISFJ's like logical men. "Tough break" was a silly joke, which turned out to have poor execution. I was implying that you weren't such a man.

I think I'll see myself out.

ETA: I think ISFJ females seem themselves as the Princess who waits for her man in shining armour to come to them. The other person has to be the aggressor (in my experience).

 

[d@v3]

^FAIL

Anyway, how much aggression is the question. I suppose it depends on the ISFJ but, is there an average?

 

[FDG]

Yes, it is tough to get an ISFJ to be more than friends with you, even though they flirt with you all the time.

You have to kiss them on their lips.

 

[Phantonym]

I definitely buy the ISFJ-ISTJ relationship.

In my opinion this type of relationship would be among the strongest. But like Eagle said, in any relationship it doesn't matter what type the other person is, it could still work.

I agree. My mom (ISFJ) and dad (ISTJ) have been married for 30 years now. It has worked out great for them and they're very compatible. They do everything together.

And I also agree that regardless of type, everything depends on the individuals themselves.

 

[d@v3]

You have to kiss them on their lips.

I agree. My mom (ISFJ) and dad (ISTJ) have been married for 30 years now. It has worked out great for them and they're very compatible. They do everything together.

And I also agree that regardless of type, everything depends on the individuals themselves.

Sounds like a good thing to me!

 

[brainheart]

But i want to know that if someone threatened me (for which i could easily kick ass) i would like to feel that my man would come forward and protect me. I suppose it is that notion of being vulnerable and protected. That is all i look for .. well, amongst other things.

That's what I mean when I say traditional social roles. I'm not saying that this is something exclusive to XSFJ women but I do think it's especially important to them- someone who will take them out and buy them dinner and pay for their cab and defend their honor. Someone who will appreciate their femininity, just as they appreciate their other's masculinity. I'm not saying that F men can't be masculine because my ESFP husband is, but he also gets teary-eyed and emotional at the drop of a hat and I don't think he's chivalrous enough for an XSFJ woman. And if a man isn't chivalrous enough, I think there's this tendency to try and 'reform' him. This may be something that J women in general do, though. I see it happen with my sister and the long line of ISTP men she's been involved with. She loves the masculinity, hates when they don't fit into the traditional role she desires.

Also regarding what you said, I think there is this pleasure ESFJ women get from being vulnerable that I don't understand. I don't want a husband to protect me or to try, I'm more than willing to do that for myself. I can get a little defensive about it, actually.

Anyway, my point is that I think Js work best with Js, typically. I think that the J/P divide is the one that can cause the most trouble and the greatest amount of miscommunication.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

As in, ISFJ's like logical men. "Tough break" was a silly joke, which turned out to have poor execution. I was implying that you weren't such a man.

I think I'll see myself out.

ETA: I think ISFJ females seem themselves as the Princess who waits for her man in shining armour to come to them. The other person has to be the aggressor (in my experience).

No, I understood it completely. You cant pull that stuff out on dave because he usually doesnt get it

 

[INFtha14]

No, I understood it completely. You cant pull that stuff out on dave because he usually doesnt get it

Me too, I understood the idea of it as well GrungeMouse.

lol.

 

[Giggly]

You have to kiss them on their lips.

Good idea.

 

[d@v3]

Good idea.

*takes notes*

 

[Saslou]

That's what I mean when I say traditional social roles. I'm not saying that this is something exclusive to XSFJ women but I do think it's especially important to them- someone who will take them out and buy them dinner and pay for their cab and defend their honor. Someone who will appreciate their femininity, just as they appreciate their other's masculinity. I'm not saying that F men can't be masculine because my ESFP husband is, but he also gets teary-eyed and emotional at the drop of a hat and I don't think he's chivalrous enough for an XSFJ woman. And if a man isn't chivalrous enough, I think there's this tendency to try and 'reform' him. This may be something that J women in general do, though. I see it happen with my sister and the long line of ISTP men she's been involved with. She loves the masculinity, hates when they don't fit into the traditional role she desires.

Also regarding what you said, I think there is this pleasure ESFJ women get from being vulnerable that I don't understand. I don't want a husband to protect me or to try, I'm more than willing to do that for myself. I can get a little defensive about it, actually.

Anyway, my point is that I think Js work best with Js, typically. I think that the J/P divide is the one that can cause the most trouble and the greatest amount of miscommunication.

*Sigh* There seems to be a lot of speculation there.

This only applies to me as no one can put me and every xSFJ in the same box.

Get a meal and share the cab.
I am not very feminine although i am capable of it at times.
Chivalry is fine and all that, but i am more than capable of opening doors myself.
Reform someone .. Lol, that is cute.
I am 30 and for the first time have put myself in a vulnerable position. Do i like it, hell no. It is scary. I only want my man to defend me if i am getting my arse kicked by someone. Other than that, i am more than capable of looking after myself.

Thanks for the insight though. I'm sure i will sleep better at night.

 

[LotsOfHeart]

I'd date an ISFJ if we clicked for sure. I tend to enjoy the company of introverts with the feeling preference.

 

[Lambchop]

I'm an ISFJ and love my super weird INFP husband!

I was engaged to an ENFJ and found him to be too controlling and suffocating.

I was married to another ISFJ and he bored me.

My boss is an INTJ and if he was just a guy I knew, I could see being attracted to him (personality wise.) He's very smart and has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor that I find funny. I wonder if I would need too much emotionally from an INTJ though. When I first met him, he was very stand-offish. Now that he knows me better, I can tell that he feels affectionate towards me. So maybe we ISFJs can bring out the mushy in those Ts!

I think I've always preferred Feelers because they "get" me and aren't confused by random outbursts of emotion. I am finding that I enjoy having Thinker male friends though.

My brother in law is an ISTJ and he drives me nuts. He's always super mopey and kid of whiny...like Eeyore. Another male ISTJ I know is controlling...but funny and I like hanging out with him. I would never marry him though, like my ENFP sister in law did.

It's really hard to tell I think!

 

[d@v3]

...male ISTJ I know is......funny and I like hanging out with him. I would never marry him though, like my ENFP sister in law did.

So you're saying there is still hope?!

 

[Lambchop]

So you're saying there is still hope?!

Oh Dave, you are obviously not controlling and mopey. You are adorable! There is a ton of hope for you!

 

[SubjectA]

My boss is an INTJ and if he was just a guy I knew, I could see being attracted to him (personality wise.) He's very smart and has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor that I find funny. I wonder if I would need too much emotionally from an INTJ though. When I first met him, he was very stand-offish. Now that he knows me better, I can tell that he feels affectionate towards me. So maybe we ISFJs can bring out the mushy in those Ts!

In my case that's pretty true, about ISFJ's brining out the mushy side of Ts. I'll admit that it doesn't happen often, but it happens. When my fiance gets into "cute mode" or when he's playing with his nieces, I can't help but smile. I find it adorable. That and his playful side doesn't allow me to be serious all the time.

I don't know. It's just sometimes little F quirks really annoy me or I'm endeared by them. I dated an ENFP before and I wanted to kill him with the ray gun I built by the time our relationship was over.

 

[lauranna]

I am an ISTP who is currently dating an ISFJ. Normally I am the most emotionally unavailable cold hearted bitch I know. I have never been soft or had anyone find a mushy side of me until I met the ISFJ. I was very much the agressor in the first place and I think she liked that I was the knight in shining armour. Normally Fs piss me off and I can agree with wanting to kill them with a ray gun! But this ISFJ has me entirely besotted with her, bringing out emotions (like love) that I didn't know I possessed. So yeah I think it can definitely work ISTP and ISFJ. But I think the important thing is that I'm crazy about her and six months down the line I'm still making an effort. If I was bored of her, didn't have these kind of feelings for her and resorting to my ISTP normal behaviour I think she'd hate it and don't imagine she would put up with my lack of interest long!
It's not natural for me to ring/ text someone every day but cos I love her and I know it's what she needs I try and remember to do it! ( and it's best to keep her happy so I get sex at the end of the day ;-))

Anyway... I disagree with the whole J stick with Jand P stick with P thing. I mean obsessive Js totally piss me off. But I'm unsure how I would get through life with a P. I mean sure it would be helluva fun for a while but imagine the state of our house! It would be a tip, we wouldbe financial disasters and we would probably end up in jail. Two Ps are clearly not healthy. And two Js would probably die of boredom from being so anally retentive....

 

[Sinmara]

I'm surprised no one has pointed out the obvious yet.

ESTP/ISFJ is supposed to be the ideal pairing. Works perfectly for me. My guy is ISFJ.

Seriously, I'm starting to think most people in this forum are ESTP-haters...:rolli:

 

[Saslou]

I'm surprised no one has pointed out the obvious yet.

ESTP/ISFJ is supposed to be the ideal pairing. Works perfectly for me. My guy is ISFJ.

Seriously, I'm starting to think most people in this forum are ESTP-haters...:rolli:

Are you kidding .. My bro is an ESTP and granted at times he is an emotionless bastard but damn he knows how to have fun .. Life to him is a playground with lots of alcohol involved. Lol

Seriously though .. he does care about his big sis, he just shows it differently. He is a good lad really.

EDIT - The hating (although it has calmed down recently, is mainly towards sensors) .. But hey, i think it is great being an S so balls to them