[INFJ] How does an INFJ show interest in someone?

[souffle]

Oh well we haven't known each other that long so I wouldn't say we're really good friends. It's weird because we talk hours every time we get together, but he doesn't feel like a "friend" (we don't hang out in the same way I hang out with my other guy friends) but we're definitely more than acquaintances because we've had tons of long/personal conversations.

I hope it wasn't a date...I would hate to have gone on a date without even realizing it He first suggested that we should "hang out" sometime soon. I said sure. Then he asked if I'd want to have dinner on Friday night. And I said yes, obviously. So I don't think it was a date, since "hanging out" is a friend thing, right? ...Oh, why do ISTJs have to be so socially dense? I honestly have no clue with these sort of things unless it's spelled out for me (as in: "I. like. you."), haha. Would an INFJ ever spell things out like that? Would you?


Aw, really? Well the Friday dinner went really well. I was afraid that it'd be awkward because weekday lunches or so different from a Friday dinner, but it actually wasn't awkward at all. We ended up staying at the restaurant for at least 3 or so hours just talking (till closing). Then he walked me to the bus stop and waited with me till my bus came. As soon as I saw my bus though, I almost walked away really fast because I was afraid that it would leave without me (since it was night)...but he stopped me by saying that he liked spending time with me and had a good time, that we should do it again, and that he would call me. Me, being paranoid about my bus, hastily agreed and yelled "Sure, call me" as I was running toward the bus. :blushing:

We have plans to "hang out" again next weekend (I'm the one who asked him this time)...but I'm not quite sure what activity we should do. I don't want to suggest anything with romantic implications in case he just likes me as a friend, because that would make him uncomfortable (and then we'd be awkward). So maybe, a picnic? Movie in the park? Art gallery? I don't know...anymore suggestions?

I say, shit, he really likes you! If it was me, that behaviour would be a guaranteed indication that I liked somebody romantically. Given, I am a girl and an INFP, but close enough! Seriously, asking somebody to 'hang out'? Alone? And then saying he really enjoyed the time with you, and he would love to do it again? That is precisely how I would try and initiate things with someone I liked. In fact, I've done it before. (It's never actually led to a relationship.. but that's irrelevant! ) Starting the romantic stuff (hand holding etc) wouldn't be as fulfilling to me unless I already knew the person well and had come to the conclusion that I really really liked them. That is why I would tread the waters carefully at first, and build up evidence of their suitability to me and my like for them with lots of quality time and intimate talk. Exactly like he's done with you. And it appears with his comment at the bus stop, he likes what he's found!

So I wouldn't be worried about doing anything that is too romantically... implicative? (that's probably not a word.) But do what you're comfortable with. But I seriously believe you have a really good chance with this guy, based on what you've written. And I'm really enjoying reading your commentary on all of this; please do tell us how it ends... Ive got a really good feeling about this!

 

[souffle]

 

[AutumnReverie]

I don't think I ever stop.

So...what ever happens with the girl?

When I'm interested in someone, I have a bad habit of becoming friendly with him and outwardly only showing the "friends" interest. I'll talk to him, and make a specific effort to get to know him and figure out what he's like, but I'm terrible with overt verbal or physical flirtation. Usually it's for fear of rejection. I'm working to get better about that and becoming more confident in myself -- it's a process!

I do the same thing! Hopefully we can both improve.

I say, shit, he really likes you! If it was me, that behaviour would be a guaranteed indication that I liked somebody romantically. Given, I am a girl and an INFP, but close enough! Seriously, asking somebody to 'hang out'? Alone? And then saying he really enjoyed the time with you, and he would love to do it again? That is precisely how I would try and initiate things with someone I liked. In fact, I've done it before. (It's never actually led to a relationship.. but that's irrelevant! ) Starting the romantic stuff (hand holding etc) wouldn't be as fulfilling to me unless I already knew the person well and had come to the conclusion that I really really liked them. That is why I would tread the waters carefully at first, and build up evidence of their suitability to me and my like for them with lots of quality time and intimate talk. Exactly like he's done with you. And it appears with his comment at the bus stop, he likes what he's found!

Aww I really hope that you're right! I guess I'll find out (hopefully sooner rather than later )

So I wouldn't be worried about doing anything that is too romantically... implicative? (that's probably not a word.) But do what you're comfortable with. But I seriously believe you have a really good chance with this guy, based on what you've written. And I'm really enjoying reading your commentary on all of this; please do tell us how it ends... Ive got a really good feeling about this!

I'll definitely tell you all how it ends. As for the activity...at the moment I'm thinking dinner + comedy club? I haven't mentioned it to him yet though (or reminded him that he agreed to go out again)...hopefully he remembers and is still up for doing something this weekend ...if not, that might not be a good sign.

 

[Requeim]

So...what ever happens with the girl?


I do the same thing! Hopefully we can both improve.


Aww I really hope that you're right! I guess I'll find out (hopefully sooner rather than later )


I'll definitely tell you all how it ends. As for the activity...at the moment I'm thinking dinner + comedy club? I haven't mentioned it to him yet though (or reminded him that he agreed to go out again)...hopefully he remembers and is still up for doing something this weekend ...if not, that might not be a good sign.

i don't think it really matters, he probably just wants to spend time with you somehow

 

[Liminality]

+1

INFJs are made of all things awesome and wonderful, I hope you guys realise that?

I soooooooo hope things turnout well for you, AutumnReverie.

 

[AutumnReverie]

i don't think it really matters, he probably just wants to spend time with you somehow

Aww I hope so! He's either thinking "I want to spend time with her" or he's thinking "Wow, I was just trying to be nice" I guess I'll see...

INFJs are made of all things awesome and wonderful, I hope you guys realise that?

I soooooooo hope things turnout well for you, AutumnReverie.

Thanks, Liminality! Don't worry, I definitely realize it.

 

[Fife]

When I'm interested in someone, I have a bad habit of becoming friendly with him and outwardly only showing the "friends" interest. I'll talk to him, and make a specific effort to get to know him and figure out what he's like, but I'm terrible with overt verbal or physical flirtation. Usually it's for fear of rejection. I'm working to get better about that and becoming more confident in myself -- it's a process!

+1

 

[Requeim]

+1

+2

 

[souffle]

I'll definitely tell you all how it ends. As for the activity...at the moment I'm thinking dinner + comedy club? I haven't mentioned it to him yet though (or reminded him that he agreed to go out again)...hopefully he remembers and is still up for doing something this weekend ...if not, that might not be a good sign.

Sounds awesome! Good luck!

Yep, forgetting your arrangement mightn't be a good sign! But I'm just going to riskily throw this out there while touching wood and say that he won't. (Seriously, I'm typing this on a laminated wooden table, lol!)

 

[AutumnReverie]

Sounds awesome! Good luck!

Yep, forgetting your arrangement mightn't be a good sign! But I'm just going to riskily throw this out there while touching wood and say that he won't. (Seriously, I'm typing this on a laminated wooden table, lol!)

Thanks! Well you were right, he didn't forget, but...

He texted me today saying that he was going to the football game on Saturday but something came up with a sick friend's mom and he needs to go back home, but that he might be back in time for the game. And if he is back in time, he was wondering if I'd be interested in going.

So, yeah... Should I ask him if it was just him going or if it was going to be a group thing? Because I'm going to invite some of my friends to go to the game as well. That way, if he doesn't come back in town in time, I won't have to go to the game alone (since I'm going to go ahead and buy the ticket -- they're selling out fast). Actually, I don't think I'll ask. I think I'm just going to tell him "sure, I'm interested" and go ahead and invite a few friends to come along as well. Since football game => implies group function anyways, right? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong

Anyways, I'm still not so sure about what this means in the grander scheme of things (whether he's interested or not). It seems to me like maybe I was an ...afterthought? Like he already made plans and then when I asked if he was still up for doing something this weekend (and asked specifically if Saturday would be good, since I'm busy on Friday night and Sunday), he thought to himself "Oh yeah, her, I guess I can invite her along..."

Looking at it in a positive light: our plans were very general (i.e. "sometime this weekend"). And, to be fair, even I already had made alternate plans for Friday night, Sunday, and a little bit of Saturday already with other friends. But still...

Me ==> Now back to only 50% sure he's interested

Sorry for rambling (I minimized the text size for you)! I'll just let it be and see what happens.

 

[Requeim]

Thanks! Well you were right, he didn't forget, but...

He texted me today saying that he was going to the football game on Saturday but something came up with a sick friend's mom and he needs to go back home, but that he might be back in time for the game. And if he is back in time, he was wondering if I'd be interested in going.

So, yeah... Should I ask him if it was just him going or if it was going to be a group thing? Because I'm going to invite some of my friends to go to the game as well. That way, if he doesn't come back in town in time, I won't have to go to the game alone (since I'm going to go ahead and buy the ticket -- they're selling out fast). Actually, I don't think I'll ask. I think I'm just going to tell him "sure, I'm interested" and go ahead and invite a few friends to come along as well. Since football game => implies group function anyways, right? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong

Anyways, I'm still not so sure about what this means in the grander scheme of things (whether he's interested or not). It seems to me like maybe I was an ...afterthought? Like he already made plans and then when I asked if he was still up for doing something this weekend (and asked specifically if Saturday would be good, since I'm busy on Friday night and Sunday), he thought to himself "Oh yeah, her, I guess I can invite her along..."

Looking at it in a positive light: our plans were very general (i.e. "sometime this weekend"). And, to be fair, even I already had made alternate plans for Friday night, Sunday, and a little bit of Saturday already with other friends. But still...


Me ==> Now back to only 50% sure he's interested

Sorry for rambling (I minimized the text size for you)! I'll just let it be and see what happens.

if he makes it, and expects it just to be the two of you, he is probably going to be pissed off. I would be

 

[AutumnReverie]

if he makes it, and expects it just to be the two of you, he is probably going to be pissed off. I would be

True But I actually think that it's a "with friends" event. Since I asked him if any of his friends had gotten their ticket yet and he said that they had, but he hadn't. So...that implies that he was going with his friends, right? Haha, I have no clue.

Nevermind! I just checked the online news and the game just sold out. So I guess neither of us are going anyways (since he told me that he hadn't gotten his ticket yet either). Problem solved, I guess!

I decided just to put the ball back in his court (so to speak), by saying "if you want to hang out some other time just let me know ...or not, if you ~hate me and wish I'd go away haha. Well, in that case, just let me know too " So if he wants to do something still/again then he'll have to intiate

EDIT: Anyways, he said that if he hated me then he wouldn't keep talking to me/responding to my texts haha. And that he thinks we can still get into the game (idealist). And he also thinks that we should go see some international films sometime too. He told me not to worry.

Yay! I feel better now! I still don't know if he's interested in me, but at least now I know that he's not annoyed by me or anything. Why so confusing, INFJs? It's okay...it just makes me love your guys' type more Plus, it seems you all have a good memory too (although not as great as the ISTJ memory haha)! Since I told him at that dinner that I really liked Football and international films...and it seems like he remembered.

 

[workaholicsanon]

When it comes to a love interest, it's true I have an excellent memory. It's like I devote a large part of my memory (and thought) to the love interest. True i dont always remember everything (especially if i'm heavily sleep deprived, which happens a lot with my work), but even so I will remember interactions that were significant to me with him down to the fine nuances, if only for the reason that my mind analyzes, ad analyzes some more, and analyzes some more to try to figure out whether he's interested, what kind of a person he is, what his likes/dislikes are, how he lives his daily life (just out of curiosity and wish to learn more about him, not to stalk). constant repetition if those moments has a way of burnning themselves into my brain

 

[thats.mana]

AutumnReverie your situation is so cute. He imo likes you, maybe he isn't sure how to express it just yet. You mentioned hugging him earlier, I say go for it, don't even ask. He'll have a surprised demeanour but once his emotions settle he'll appreciate it and will definitely want more.

Now I would hate if it doesn't work out for you, for every happy scenario I've gone thru a couple of bad ones pop up also. But it can't be because he's just nice, I can't imagine spending time with someone because "I'm being nice". If that was the case you might get alittle interaction with me but not "dates".
Goodluck ok.

 

[souffle]

I decided just to put the ball back in his court (so to speak), by saying "if you want to hang out some other time just let me know ...or not, if you ~hate me and wish I'd go away haha. Well, in that case, just let me know too " So if he wants to do something still/again then he'll have to intiate

When did you decide this?! And without our permission!? :steam: Where did all that confident resolve to initiate things go?

I say that the football thing not working out is your perfect opportunity to strike with your comedy show plan!

But if you do leave things in his court, don't just say "if you still want to hang out let me know." Say "I still really want to hang out." This is the command of I, your God, Souffle.

Plus, it seems you all have a good memory too (although not as great as the ISTJ memory haha)! Since I told him at that dinner that I really liked Football and international films...and it seems like he remembered.

Well there you go!

 

[AutumnReverie]

When it comes to a love interest, it's true I have an excellent memory. It's like I devote a large part of my memory (and thought) to the love interest. True i dont always remember everything (especially if i'm heavily sleep deprived, which happens a lot with my work), but even so I will remember interactions that were significant to me with him down to the fine nuances, if only for the reason that my mind analyzes, ad analyzes some more, and analyzes some more to try to figure out whether he's interested, what kind of a person he is, what his likes/dislikes are, how he lives his daily life (just out of curiosity and wish to learn more about him, not to stalk). constant repetition if those moments has a way of burnning themselves into my brain

Thanks for sharing this! I just remember everything about...everything Even if a conversation/interaction isn't particularly significant to me, I'll still remember all the details of it and the conversation verbatim. So it's definitely interesting to here from the POV of the INFJ. And it gives me valuable insight into the mind of this guy. I also loved how you explained it! I can very easily visualize you (or any INFJ) just sitting there analyzing and over-analyzing ever detail, which isn't a bad thing, you apparently do it because he care so much.

AutumnReverie your situation is so cute. He imo likes you, maybe he isn't sure how to express it just yet. You mentioned hugging him earlier, I say go for it, don't even ask. He'll have a surprised demeanour but once his emotions settle he'll appreciate it and will definitely want more.

Aww thank you! I really hope that you're right! But either way, your comment definitely made me feel good and feel more optimistic about the situation. For sure, I'll try to get over my shyness and go in for a hug (if the opportunity presents itself...like end of the night?).

Now I would hate if it doesn't work out for you, for every happy scenario I've gone thru a couple of bad ones pop up also. But it can't be because he's just nice, I can't imagine spending time with someone because "I'm being nice". If that was the case you might get alittle interaction with me but not "dates".
Goodluck ok.

Well that's good to know that there's a limit to the "niceness" (as in, he wouldn't take chunks out of his time to do something with me just "to be nice").

When did you decide this?! And without our permission!? :steam: Where did all that confident resolve to initiate things go?

I say that the football thing not working out is your perfect opportunity to strike with your comedy show plan!

But if you do leave things in his court, don't just say "if you still want to hang out let me know." Say "I still really want to hang out." This is the command of I, your God, Souffle.

Oh no Where were you earlier? I shouldn't make these decisions on my own! Luckily, he responded right away and said all that stuff that I mentioned earlier...so I'm glad that my sudden lapse of judgment didn't backfire on me. Now I'll obey my God, Souffle, and return to my previous resolve!

He still seems to think that we can get tickets to the game on Saturday night (even though I told him that I called the offer to confirm and they said it was sold out )...but I'll go along with him anyways. So, when we inevitably don't get into the game (assuming that he makes it back in time), I should suggest we walk around downtown and then go to the comedy show?

Yay! Then I can put the whole "hug" plan in action, hehe, and see how he responds. :blushing:

 

[souffle]

Oh no Where were you earlier? I shouldn't make these decisions on my own! Luckily, he responded right away and said all that stuff that I mentioned earlier...so I'm glad that my sudden lapse of judgment didn't backfire on me. Now I'll obey my God, Souffle, and return to my previous resolve!

He still seems to think that we can get tickets to the game on Saturday night (even though I told him that I called the offer to confirm and they said it was sold out )...but I'll go along with him anyways. So, when we inevitably don't get into the game (assuming that he makes it back in time), I should suggest we walk around downtown and then go to the comedy show?

Yay! Then I can put the whole "hug" plan in action, hehe, and see how he responds. :blushing:

Hehe, sorry I forgot about this thread for a while, and then was like, "Hey! I should see how that's going!"

Yep, all sounds good. I consent!

 

[AutumnReverie]

Hehe, sorry I forgot about this thread for a while, and then was like, "Hey! I should see how that's going!"

Yep, all sounds good. I consent!

Hehe, don't you know I need constant help up until the point when he actually confirms that he's interested in me? (if that ever happens) An INFJ who may or may not be interested is too delicate of a situation to handle on my own, lol.

Also, he mentioned that the next thing he wants us to do together is watch the int'l films...so...should I plan for that next weekend? Or, I don't know, I don't want him to feel like he has to go out with me every weekend. I don't want to bug him or anything So should I just wait like two weeks then after this to take him up on that offer?

 

[souffle]

Hehe, don't you know I need constant help up until the point when he actually confirms that he's interested in me? (if that ever happens) An INFJ who may or may not be interested is too delicate of a situation to handle on my own, lol.

LOL I never meant to undermine your own abilities in handling the situation! But we NF's love to help out when we can .

Also, he mentioned that the next thing he wants us to do together is watch the int'l films...so...should I plan for that next weekend? Or, I don't know, I don't want him to feel like he has to go out with me every weekend. I don't want to bug him or anything So should I just wait like two weeks then after this to take him up on that offer?

Ah, this we can further use to your advantage!

Suggest your comedy thing (cos I really can't picture him being all like, "no way, I wanted to do a movie thing!") and then if you end up doing that, ask later if he still wants to do his film thing. You're not nagging him, he's the one who wanted to do it. You're accomodating him!

 

[AutumnReverie]

LOL I never meant to undermine your own abilities in handling the situation! But we NF's love to help out when we can .

Oh, haha, I wasn't being sarcastic! I was totally serious...I really do need all the NF help I can get And it's all very much appreciated! So yeah, I definitely didn't think you were ever trying to undermine my abilities. I have very little abilities when it comes to these kinds of things ...so there's nothing to undermine! Hehe, "INFJs when interested in someone (possibly)" really is a delicate situation!

Ah, this we can further use to your advantage!

Suggest your comedy thing (cos I really can't picture him being all like, "no way, I wanted to do a movie thing!") and then if you end up doing that, ask later if he still wants to do his film thing. You're not nagging him, he's the one who wanted to do it. You're accommodating him!

Sounds like a plan! That's true, that he offered, so he shouldn't be surprised if I take him up on that offer. Especially since I said that I would.