[MBTI General] Socializing. Is this all there is?

[FC3S]

Wait, I thought ENTPs liked to banter.

Isn't that what rivalry is?!

 

[Nocapszy]

At a glance I thought it was self-destructive behavior as well, but these people seem to be genuinely happy, exuberant, and entertained when they drink.

well what kind of shitty activity do you have in mind when you think of self destruction?
cutting wrists?
you don't have to frown to want to screw yourself up.

besides alcohol is a euphoric drug. of course they're going to smile.

I thought I understood drinking as a social facilitator but for many in my circle of friends it's become the only thing worth doing. They view any social scenario where they didn't get absolutely wasted as a failure.

i think this is called alcoholism, but i've heard other definitions as well.

i only drink alone.
when i'm playing dota.

excusing that, i won't do it.

 

[jenocyde]

Cady, it sounds like you need new friends.

 

[jenocyde]

Sorry, I didn't really read the 2nd part of your post when you were asking about making new friends, and if other NTs have this problem.

The answer is: no, I don't. I have some cousins that I hang out with and all they do is get drunk and high and talk about the last time they were drunk and high. I love them but they are boring as shit. I deal with a lot of drunk people in my daily life.

Other than them, most of my friends are in the film, writing, art and music world and we spend our time creating shit or admiring others' creations. It's a rare moment when I am not doing or making something. My other group of friends are the party animals but not everyone drinks or does drugs, but we all dance and laugh and get into trouble anyway. I wish I had more friends that I can talk tech with, but most people are not interested in that sort of talk in their free time. Then I have my daredevil friends, who are always down to do whatever physical things I suggest. It's good to have a variety and not just be with one crowd. When all else fails, I just venture out on my own and meet new people to add to my collection.

My suggestion is to figure out what your interests are and seek out people with those interests. If this means hanging out in museums, or taking a photography class, then that's what you should do. Stop limiting yourself to what's directly in front of your face. There is a whole world out there to explore.

btw - alcohol is a depressant, not a stimulant.

 

[Nocapszy]

Cady, it sounds like you need new friends.

lol
i figured this thread was his way of easing into the idea.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

lol
i figured this thread was his way of easing into the idea.

Her!


<---- also a her

 

[entropie]

Her!


<---- also a her

god save us all !

 

[Little_Ancient_One]

Checkout INTPc. There is a whole section dedicated to getting fucked up.

The INTP Central variety like their booze, eh? I could definitely see that.

 

[Erudur]

Why do the majority of social gatherings consist of a competition to see who can drink more alcohol, and make the biggest ass of themselves?

I was invited to a ESFx friend's cabin this weekend for his 21st birthday and the entire distraction and entire focus of all conversation and activities the entire weekend was alcohol, alcohol, and getting drunk.

Luckily the conversation was so enthralling. The subjects basically ranged from "how drunk are you?" to <insert stupid thing you did while drunk once> and cycle to ad nauseum. Imagine the following stuck on playback:

"Are you drunk?"
"Oh man I'm so drunk."
"I'm going to drink so much more!"
"We're getting wasted tonight!"
"Dude, we were so wasted last night!"
"Yea I puked but just kept going"
"Yea that was the shit!"
"Let's go shotgun a beer!"

If I have to plaster on one more fake smile while some drunk tells me their awesome drinking story while simultaneously managing to spill their drink all over my shoes I'm just going to give up. Is this really it? It seems like "partying" (read: drinking) has become the be all end all thing to do socially for my age group. Conversation, if it exists at all, consists of monosyllables and a continuous parade of singular bland observations ("This song is so cool.", "You're so drunk!", "It's so dark out").



At this point I'm wondering why I even try? If this is what it takes to have friends or be social I can't do it. The problem is that isolating myself doesn't work either. Without social interaction I feel lethargic, depressed, and lonely, but I simply can not relate to the vast majority of people in my social group.

It's complicated further when every time I attempt to meet new people they either turn out the same, secretly wish they could be the same (what the hell is with worshiping these guys like they're some social gods??), or are so far in the opposite direction from me in their value's and personality-wise that meshing is just as bad.

Where are the confident, intelligent, and still fun young people that value discussion, trying new things, and actually use their brain once and a while? Even my more intuitive and intelligent friends are susceptible to dumbing themselves down in social situations. I feel like shaking them! Wake up! Stop turning into mindless pop culture huffing zombies every time we go out!

Why is drinking until you throw up and become an obnoxious prick considered so acceptable? If you're home by yourself reading a book you're considered boring and a homebody, but if you're out drinking with friends every night and suddenly you're a social success?

I'm sorry for the vent but I had to get that off my chest, not to mention any help or insight about this would be greatly appreciated. Do other NT's feel like this?? How do you cope?

If I have to keep dumbing myself down to be successful with people I might as well just get a lobotomy.

I would guess a university setting with people who can think and are trying to make something of their lives would be a great place to meet people better than the crowd you described.

What part of the country do you live in? What are your work/school plans?

 

[InquisitiveCow]

Perhaps if you're looking for stimulating conversation, a friend's 21st birthday party might not be the place to look for it. It's common sense, to me anyways, that what you walked into would be exactly what you should have expected considering the event.

If its a constant issue and its not your thing then maybe you need a new crowd.

 

[proteanmix]

:chicken:

Groups of people are like schools of fish. It's like standing in a line and there's an open cash register that no one is going to and once one person breaks out and goes to that empty line everyone starts to break out as well. Depending on what the group is gathered for all you have to do is break out. Since it's just a bunch of college kids talking about getting drunk, being drunk, and staying drunk your bar is set very low and it should be pinch to hop right over. Just the fact that the only topic of conversation is drunkenness indicates to me this isn't a very tight group of people talking about being drunk not even engaging in the act of being drunk.

You can tell how tight and comfortable a group of people are with each other simply by the subject matter of the conversation. If pedestrian observations are passing as stimulating conversation then the people don't really feel comfortable with each other so it's not really you, it's them. Is it a group of friends that has a stable core? Do you all kind of know each other, but don't really know each other that well? Will they ever feel comfortable enough to engage in conversations you find stimulating? Well, who knows, somebody has to try and see what happens. Just sitting and sulking the the conversation isn't exciting enough doesn't make it more interesting it just makes you salty.

I've been in a situations myself where people are talking about how drunk they are, somebody's drinking a Guinness, somebody wants an Irish car bomb, we start talking about Ireland, then next thing we're talking about the current state of affairs in Ireland, why you don't hear much about it in the news, then from there we're talking about how to define a terrorist, terrorism, the conversation just shoots off from there.

I guess in my mind, there's always a way to take a current conversation and segue it into something at least I find interesting and it's a totally smooth transition. Those who aren't interested in the conversation will drift out and those who are interested will drift in.

If you're in a large enough group (8+), there are at least two other people guaranteed to be as bored as you are. If you look you will see the feigned half-hearted interest. Strike up a conversation with those people. If yall look like you're having a good enough time other people will join in.

I think of groups of people in chunks. It's like they zoom in and out to me. I see little dashes going from one person to another. These group activities are platforms for you to find people you're more interested in. You're there for the group inasmuch as the group gives you a bank of people you may want to get to know better.

 

[Athenian200]

The problem is give it a week, maybe two and I'll think I can solve this problem. I'll think that maybe if I drink enough, dumb myself down enough, become more of what society expects girls my age to be, I could win this game. When really, it's not a game I'm even interested in, I just keep having it force fed down my throat as the only way to social success.

You probably CAN dumb yourself down to that and drink like the people around you, if you put your mind to emulating those around you. It's not difficult to do. In fact, I'd wager to say that's what quite a few of the people around you are probably doing. If your primary goal is to win the most friends and social connections possible, then that's probably what you should do. Give the masses what they want. I won't lie about that.

However, as an NF (and I know you're probably not interested in this), I'd be more concerned about losing the respect of people I'd probably be more interested in being friends with, by associating with that crowd and emulating their behavior. Furthermore, it seems like you really don't like or want to be what they expect you to be. If you play into that stereotype, you'll reinforce it and make it that much harder for the people who come after you and have the same problem to do anything besides follow that path. If you push to do things a little differently, though... then perhaps you won't be popular or well-liked, but you'll chip away at the stereotype and possibly give a few people like yourself a chance to associate with someone more like themselves instead of conforming to something they find painful. And the friends you do make will likely be better friends than the ones you would have made by conforming.

In other words, the choice is essentially quantity vs. quality. Both choices are valid, and the matter depends solely upon what you desire from your relationships with other people.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I hate to break it to y'all, but it's not INTP thing.
Jenocyde is right though. Have drinks with a bunch of N's....if it's good company, it's not just about getting drunk, it'll happen by accident, and I guarantee you will have fun. Lots of good intellectual disscussion.

 

[Cady]

The logic is strong with this board!
Here I am preparing for a cozy little hermitage and you soothe me with such reasonable arguments.

Stop limiting yourself to what's directly in front of your face. There is a whole world out there to explore.

But...must...win...social...game...

How the hell did this mentality get so ingrained? You're spot on about this, I need new friends. No more putting it off and frustrating myself trying to ingratiate myself with people for the sake of winning some perceived competition.

Time to hunt some Intuitive type!
I'll lay traps with logical fallacies and social injustices .

However, as an NF (and I know you're probably not interested in this), I'd be more concerned about losing the respect of people I'd probably be more interested in being friends with, by associating with that crowd and emulating their behavior.

Why would I not be interested in this? NF's are such social geniuses I feel thoroughly autistic in comparison.

 

[simulatedworld]

I do drink, but to the point of not being able to form sentences and passing out in your own vomit? Excessive drinking seems to have a strangle hold on it's position as the dominant social activity...

You're hanging out with the wrong people.

Getting intoxicated with my other NT friends results in deep discussions of the theory of...whatever. Often we play strategy games or do other competitive things, but we play badly because we're drinking and that makes it hilarious. (NTs are ridiculous.) And drinking with NFs can result in serious philosophical inquiry.

SPs are the ones who seem most likely to drink until they vomit. (SJs who drink in excess are usually not pretty--they either flip out and finally release all that tension through exaggerated emotional outbursts, or imitate the SP drink-till-ya-drop attitude because that seems to be the accepted social standard.)

Quit going to parties populated primarily by SP drinking enthusiasts who view consuming the most intoxicants possible as an end unto itself, and you should be fine.

(Read: Don't go to college.)

 

[Athenian200]

How the hell did this mentality get so ingrained? You're spot on about this, I need new friends. No more putting it off and frustrating myself trying to ingratiate myself with people for the sake of winning some perceived competition.

Time to hunt some Intuitive type!
I'll lay traps with logical fallacies and social injustices .

Yay! I'm so glad you're thinking that way.

Why would I not be interested in this? NF's are such social geniuses I feel thoroughly autistic in comparison.

Well... because you posted it in the NT Rationale, so I kind of thought the point was to get NT responses. The thing is, by the time I realize what subforum a thread is in, I've already read it and formed an opinion.

Also, I guess I sort of thought an NT might not be concerned with quality or enjoyment of friendships, or creating a new path for others as an NF would be. I was just trying to avoid sounding oblivious to the fact that NTs don't care about the same things NFs do. Thankfully, it looks like I tend to overshoot the mark when trying to picture the NT detachment.

 

[Cady]

(Read: Don't go to college.)

But I need to go to college to gain enough credibility to change pieces of the world I can't stand, and enough confidence to tell the pieces I don't want anything to do with to fuck off.

 

[Cady]

Also, I guess I sort of thought an NT might not be concerned with quality of friendships or creating a new path for others as an NF would be. was just trying to avoid sounding oblivious to the fact that NTs don't care about the same things NFs do. Thankfully, it looks like I tend to overshoot the mark when trying to picture the NT detachment.

I think NT's appreciate NF's more than this forum lets on. T's can be downright detached from their feelings but that doesn't mean we don't seek to understand them. What you said was really insightful. I've been gunning for quantity because it's what I interpreted as important for so long. I've been completely ignoring that it makes me miserable.

Is this a feel-o-tard moment?

 

[Athenian200]

I think NT's appreciate NF's more than this forum lets on. T's can be downright detached from their feelings but that doesn't mean we don't seek to understand them. What you said was really insightful. I've been gunning for quantity because it's what I interpreted as important for so long. I've been completely ignoring that it makes me miserable.

Is this a feel-o-tard moment?

Yeah, I guess it is. Looks like we can do it with all the functions now, rather than just Sensing and Intuition. And thanks, I like finding insights into people.

Just do your best not to make yourself miserable.

 

[CJ99]

I get what you mean. I went to a party with no drink at it on friday and it was the best night i've had in a long time.
Then on sat i went to my mates were a whole bunch of us were drinking and playing rock band and i left after an hour from boredom and i just couldn't be bothered with it.

Alcohols only good for getting you hyper but if you can get hyper another way its just as good if not better.