[INFJ] INFJs and Hate/Revenge

[Scarfism]

When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values).

Are INFJs pretty black and white when it comes to liking and hating people? For myself, if somebody does not engage me, I really don't have any interest in conversing with them.

 

[violaine]

They go on the list but I don't take revenge. I tend to wipe them from the face of my own little world instead by completely ignoring them. I may wish that person ill for a time (deservedly, it takes a lot to get to that point) but can't stand the idea of lowering myself to being provoked into anything further.

Moreso than personal clashes (unless they are slandering me or meddling in a relationship) I tend to only really get inflamed about someone treating others poorly. Particularly hypocritical people or those that have all the sympathy in the world for themselves (poor me!) but none for others. Can't stand that. I will express that as disdain, completely lose interest in that person and will keep them well away from me.

 

[FemMecha]

Based on type descriptions and comments from people who identify as INFJ, this way of relating does seem to correspond to the type.

I don't think that way. I see everything in terms of multiple possibilities, shades of grey, and existing on a continuum. There is not such a thing as black-and-white in any form of my thinking except as abstract representations are the extremes of a pole of thought. There are others who identify as INFJ who think similarly to me and like I said others who have clearer lines of distinction in their thoughts like you describe.

The closest I come to what you describe occurs when someone makes me feel threatened. I will make certain they are outside my life because I don't have the energy to deal with that and see no reason to. From a conceptual standpoint I don't draw absolute conclusions about the person except that there is at least a 51% chance they are going to continue whatever behavior made me feel threatened. I then organize external boundaries in a more absolute way then what represents my thinking, but this is done for practical reasons.

It's a rather profound contrast to be present within a single category, but as far as I know it is the case.

 

[MrME]

When there is someone who has either done something to me or acted in a certain way towards me (unpleasant of course), I immediately put them on my "sh*t list" and from that moment on, I may go out of my way to make things difficult for them. Not in a way that it would be harmful, but I would not go out of my way for them. Are any other INFJs here that are the same way? Okay, at times, I may do something evil as revenge (as long as this does not go against my own values).

Unpleasantness doesn't get somebody put on my shitlist. Many people are unpleasant and it's pretty easy to blow them off. In order for somebody to get on my shitlist, they have to cross a major line with me. Once that happens, I cease caring for them, doing them favors, hanging out with them, etc.

Revenge is worthless and it can come around to bite you in the ass.

Are INFJs pretty black and white when it comes to liking and hating people? For myself, if somebody does not engage me, I really don't have any interest in conversing with them.

Nothing is black and white for me.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

People may get X-ed out of my life depending on the severity of the offense. But revenge is not my thing; it would only hurt me in the process. I don't think I "hate" anyone but there are people I choose not to associate with because they bring more grief to my life than joy.

 

[Scarfism]

...In order for somebody to get on my shitlist, they have to cross a major line with me. Once that happens, I cease caring for them, doing them favors, hanging out with them, etc.

I agree with this actually. I usually exhibit this behaviour if it is with somebody that I cared for and they have hurt me in some way. Perhaps that is my revenge.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Based on type descriptions and comments from people who identify as INFJ, this way of relating does seem to correspond to the type.

I don't think that way. I see everything in terms of multiple possibilities, shades of grey, and existing on a continuum. There is not such a thing as black-and-white in any form of my thinking except as abstract representations are the extremes of a pole of thought. There are others who identify as INFJ who think similarly to me and like I said others who have clearer lines of distinction in their thoughts like you describe.

+2

 

[Scarfism]

People may get X-ed out of my life depending on the severity of the offense. But revenge is not my thing; it would only hurt me in the process. I don't think I "hate" anyone but there are people I choose not to associate with because they bring more grief to my life than joy.

Just curious, once you X them out, do you ever let them back in? As well, are you able to X people out cold turkey (as long as they have an idea why they have been X-ed out)?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Just curious, once you X them out, do you ever let them back in?

If they sincerely ask for another try, maybe.

As well, are you able to X people out cold turkey (as long as they have an idea why they have been X-ed out)?

Yes. And they would have an idea why. Or they can always ask and I'll discuss the situation with them.

 

[TaylorS]

I definitely have a little mental sh*t-list of people I hate. I tend to take things personally it it can take me a while to come to my senses and stop stupid vendettas.

 

[Synarch]

This is similar to the vaunted "INFJ doorslam". They appear to make up their minds about people and stick to it.

I will say that with some of my INFJ friends they seem to enjoy when you can frustrate their efforts to box you in. They need to figure out people and, ironically, seem to enjoy a little bit of confounding as I guess it keeps them working on you, like a puzzle made of blood, guts, and labyrinthine emotional states and motives.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

This is similar to the vaunted "INFJ doorslam". They appear to make up their minds about people and stick to it.

I will say that with some of my INFJ friends they seem to enjoy when you can frustrate their efforts to box you in. They need to figure out people and, ironically, seem to enjoy a little bit of confounding as I guess it keeps them working on you, like a puzzle made of blood, guts, and labyrinthine emotional states and motives.

It's no longer fun or interesting when we figure someone out.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

It's no longer fun or interesting when we figure someone out.

I don't lose interest that easily. I don't see how I could ever figure everything out about a person anyhow. Impossible.

 

[Synarch]

It's no longer fun or interesting when we figure someone out.

And it's no longer fun when someone thinks they have you figured out. It almost demands some mind fuckery. So, game on, INFJ's.

 

[BlackCat]

This is not a type trait... It's a character trait irrelevant to someone's personality type.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

And it's no longer fun when someone thinks they have you figured out. It almost demands some mind fuckery. So, game on, INFJ's.

I don't get ENTP's at all... so no mind fuckery needed here.

 

[LotsOfHeart]

I hardly ever hold grudges. The problem is, most of the people who are disrespectful enough to me to warrant dislike (you usually have to go pretty far) are jerks who refuse to change, so I usually don't gain respect for them. It's not that I wouldn't consider befriending them and letting everything be water under the bridge, but the majority of people who are like that (usually narcissists or just some other kind of jerk) are not interested in improving themselves as people because they feel they're perfect already. So as long as their personalities remain toxic, why waste your time being around them when you don't have to?

Yes, I do enjoy revenge sometimes, but I'm not proud of it, and I try to just avoid doing that kind of thing these days.

 

[MrME]

It's no longer fun or interesting when we figure someone out.

I completely disagree. It isn't until I've figured somebody out (or figured them out to a certain degree), that I truly become interested in and comfortable around them.

 

[MrME]

And it's no longer fun when someone thinks they have you figured out. It almost demands some mind fuckery. So, game on, INFJ's.

You'll lose this game when the INFJ figures out you're fucking with their head and they slam the door in your face. EDITED: I read that your INFJ friends enjoy this? Do they know you're fucking with them? That's a different story.

 

[FemMecha]

When someone hurts me I obsess about it until I can understand what happened. I internalize negativity too easily and it is my Achilles heel. I get more distant from the person, but I don't think of it as a doorslam. I also never grow tired of people. I never have them figured out. I can deliberately work at understanding someone for fifteen years and still know that i can only come within an approximation of understanding the whole of the complexity and nuance. If I saw the world like a cartoon, then yes, i would probably be able to say I had a lot figured out, but there is much more to understand than a caricature of each person. People possess a vast complexity and depth of nuance.

If I've been exploited or cheated in a professional setting I don't continue doing business with the person because there is always someone else to do business with. It wouldn't make sense to keep investing in a direct that proved fruitless.

I take threats to my physical safety seriously and will cut ties with a threatening person, but I don't hate them even when they wanted me dead. I don't feel much of anything towards such people other than the need to be certain they cannot threaten me or my family further.

I feel that as an INFJ it is in my skill set to figure out what is going on to the point that there is no reason for anger. Once I glimpse that view from the other person's vantage point, it is like "aha!'" It actually does make "sense" that they rejected me in that manner. I actually get it. Sometimes I wish I could get angry because it can hurt in one way to understand so well, but it's like getting angry at a storm. Anger becomes the epitome of purposelessness.