[INFJ] INFJ - unhealthy traits

[Bamboo]

I've seen the term 'martyr complex' used to describe unhealthy INFJs. Could anyone describe this in detail? What are some other unhealthy traits to look out for with INFJs?

 

[King sns]

I've seen the term 'martyr complex' used to describe unhealthy INFJs. Could anyone describe this in detail? What are some other unhealthy traits to look out for with INFJs?

they don't have good boundaries.

 

[Bamboo]

OK, it's a start.

C'mon people, I know you're viewing the thread . . . I hold no ill intent. :hi:

Not trying to make this a "Hate on INFJs" thread, just trying to draw some sort of line between healthy and unhealthy. It's a useful activity for everyone involved.


Or maybe I'm not being specific enough?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

An unhealthy INFJ doesn't have to go into martyr mode. Instead they can be very critical, temperamental, bossy, judgmental, dismissive, and uncaring. Quick to anger and when angered, may go on a rampage. Then cools off. Unhealthy INFJ is quite a sight to see.

I mean, not saying that like I've experienced it or anything...

 

[Bamboo]

they don't have good boundaries.

In what respect? I'd agree that they can probe into things which seem to be not their business, but I might have a different tolerance for that sort of thing than others.

When does that cross the line into unhealthy?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

they don't have good boundaries.

This too. Although the boundary between INFJ and everyone else is pretty fuzzy in general.

 

[Bamboo]

An unhealthy INFJ doesn't have to go into martyr mode. Instead they can be very critical, temperamental, bossy, judgmental, dismissive, and uncaring. Quick to anger and when angered, may go on a rampage. Then cools off. Unhealthy INFJ is quite a sight to see.

I mean, not saying that like I've experienced it or anything...

Thanks for the response.

Well, that just sounds like an INFJ under stress, which is also useful to know. That doesn't sound that bad, everyone gets stressed sometimes and then cools off. I wouldn't call that unhealthy.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Well, that just sounds like an INFJ under stress, which is also useful to know. That doesn't sound that bad, everyone gets stressed sometimes and then cools off. I wouldn't call that unhealthy.

Even if it's an everyday thing?

 

[Bamboo]

A question: I've noticed that when an INFJ gets into 'bossy mode' they might create a list of things that NEED to be done. After they cool off, it's hard to tell whether they really care about having those things done. I can't tell if they are just being nice/feel ashamed that they got angry so they act like those things aren't important or if those things really just aren't important.

Any advice?

 

[eclare]

In what respect? I'd agree that they can probe into things which seem to be not their business, but I might have a different tolerance for that sort of thing than others.

When does that cross the line into unhealthy?

I assumed that the poster meant that INFJs can have a really hard time saying "No" to people - this is part of the martyr complex. They don't set boundaries for themselves regarding how much they can really handle, and they'll take on the world's problems as if they are the only ones that can help.

 

[IrishStallion819]

Inregards to me, they would still be important.. Infj's have a tendancy to keep secret values systems or things they hold with high regard for.. These are often not vocalized to the general public. In this situation, I would assume they want it done; Unless, they tell you otherwise... Its really no different than in any other relationship; Just like in a marriage, theirs just things you better assume need to be fulfilled..

 

[eclare]

A question: I've noticed that when an INFJ gets into 'bossy mode' they might create a list of things that NEED to be done. After they cool off, it's hard to tell whether they really care about having those things done. I can't tell if they are just being nice/feel ashamed that they got angry so they act like those things aren't important or if those things really just aren't important.

Any advice?

Those things may not be all that important, but as a general rule of thumb, if an INFJ is upset about something and demands that something be done, it's probably best to do it. After it's done they will reward you with gratitude and apologies for their strident tone. If you don't do it, things will blow over in the short term, but the next time an episode like this happens your failure to comply previous will be brought up again.

We may not do it often, but INFJs are capable of holding very long grudges.



Other unhealthy habits - expecting other people to read our minds. Since we generally pride ourselves on the ability to anticipate other people's needs we do not understand why others can't do the same for us.

 

[IrishStallion819]

We may not do it often, but INFJs are capable of holding very long grudges.

Whether right or wrong, its what we call the "doorslam"..

 

[tibby]

Aren't unhealthy/stressed INFJs on some sort of negative ESTP mode? (seek immediate gratification, uncaring etc)

 

[Bamboo]

Even if it's an everyday thing?

I think most people have some stress everyday, yeah. If you are/were having a mental breakdown on a daily basis, well that's not a good thing.

I'm not sure what a mental breakdown would be like for an INFJ. Sorta the opposite...ISTP. Really not similar.

 

[eclare]

Whether right or wrong, its what we call the "doorslam"..

Eh, not necessarily. You can hold a grudge and not cut someone off. I find myself often revisiting arguments that have long past in the context of new and seemingly unrelated arguments.

 

[IrishStallion819]

Aren't unhealthy/stressed INFJs on some sort of negative ESTP mode? (seek immediate gratification, uncaring etc)

Perhaps, but I think alot of these things are just apart of human nature. I think all types are capable of this.. I think "any" unhealthy type, can have times where their selfish and cold..

 

[tibby]

I'm not sure what a mental breakdown would be like for an INFJ.

like turning into complete autism.

 

[iwakar]

Correct tibby. ESTP is our shadow.

Yoinked from TeamTechnology:

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTP. Example characteristics are:

* acting very impulsively, making decisions without thinking them through
* doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
* being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
* being preoccupied about unimportant details and doing things that have no meaning
* acting in a very materialistic and selfish way
* cutting corners, breaking the rules, and even contradicting the INFJ's own values

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The INFJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.

 

[lorkan]

Bamboon: You are correct. Whenever somebody says I'm incompetent or lazy or something or I feel I really loose control, I start making a plan just to delude myself having control (ala TJ-style). It really feels good to be in control and don't let others overtake you or something, but the real plan is in our heads and it can take spontaneous directions sometimes due to Ti. What I'm talking about now is just really the day-to-day sensational buiseness you have to do. In the intuitive enviroment we probably are more structured, due to convictions and motivations (what's right is right).

Whenever I am unhealthy I usually just do meaningless things, pretty much feels dead inside, get easily angry over incompetence and play videogames for the challange (rush through it) instead of the enjoyment of the beautiful graphics, sound and atmosphere.