[MBTI General] ISTJ-ENFP Relationship Starter (Help!)

[RiderOnTheStorm]

I have no idea. I feel the same way. I think I like confusing other people. Seriously, what does that mean?

 

[Lady_X]

weird right...like i might be confused by the words coming out of their mouth occasionally but not their intention or how they feel or who they are...yeah...that's weird...we're weird awesome.

 

[Laurie]

Geez just add my name to your posts, you guys are saying exactly the truth, could be me posting.

 

[Lady_X]

it's a trip isn't it elaur?

 

[d@v3]

it's funny that you do...i had no idea because i was busy being forward enfp girl, i guess.

i do know that my istj guy was shy and seemed surprised by the attention...and i got the feeling that he was thinking...she's talking to me!? she's talking to me!!?? why?? what does she see in me?? she's weird!! i don't think he realized i actually liked him until i kissed him one night...he said he just thought i was friendly with everyone...haha

^ That is so me right now! I mean, the ISTJ guy, that is. Everyone tends to think I am too "professional"... I have been mistaken by other professors for actually BEING a professor in the classroom at times and it is embarrassing. And it's not the way I was dressed, I wasn't in street clothes, but I wasn't in my Sunday bests either! I'm getting attacked on all fronts! I just can't win these days!

Oh, and you ENFP's, Erin's post above is the last post that I understand in this thread. From there on it's just like reading chinese (and no, I don't speak/read chinese). So yeah, you definitley confusing... and I have the audacity to say you are even MORE confusing that the average woman! But that's what I like! It keeps me busy decyphering what you say and I really don't think I will ever get bored of that!

 

[Laurie]

i do know that my istj guy was shy and seemed surprised by the attention...

You are with an ISTJ?

 

[d@v3]

I find it ironic how I can go to a foreign country over three thousand miles away and help people overcome social problems and rebuild their lives... but when it comes to you ENFP's, it's like you all are my achilie's heel! This situation is driving me up the wall... I don't handle this kind of suspense well. Because when I get a thought in my mind, I must act on it so I don't have to keep thinking about it. Obviously in this case there is nothing I can do! Well, except vent on here of course!

Is that normal? I'm guessing it might have something to do with the L word.

 

[RiderOnTheStorm]

You're doing fine. Just breathe.

 

[d@v3]

Funny story:

Well, I've done myself in this time everyone. I really thought I had gotten over being shy... I was terribly mistaken.

(Keep in mind, that I next to NEVER see her at work/school)
So I was innocently walking along conversing with a friend and when I opened up the door to the building, there she was!She was sitting and talking with a friend. I was terrified, but me and my stoic ISTJ self played it cool ....with one exception.... I was speechless! I literally could not even say hi.... but... she smiled and waved at me and I smiled at her and waved back. Then, still awestruck, I started walking the wrong way down the hall... so I had to turn around and walk the other way! Naturally,I was very embarassed and mad at myself..and mad at my friend as he busting on me afterwards! :steam:

She must have been thinking "what a loon!" But later I texted and apologized for not saying anything to her... and told her the truth, that I was shy and she said "It's alright! I understand!"

And I still feel like an idiot... who walks the wrong way... I mean really?!

 

[Lady_X]

so funny! and believe it or not...i've felt that way too. i've had moments of complete awkward shyness if i liked someone a whole lot...and i totally would've done that too! haha it just means you really really like her...awww.

 

[Cimarron]

She must have been thinking "what a loon!" But later I texted and apologized for not saying anything to her... and told her the truth, that I was shy and she said "It's alright! I understand!"

This part sounds good. It sounds like she's not overreacting (to your recent attention to her) in either a bad way or a good way. She's taking it in stride. She's approaching it in a calm way, but does sound like she wants to go forward with it, whether romantic or friendship or whatever (On other people, I'm not good at telling which).

 

[Lady_X]

she probably thought it was cute really...i wouldn't worry about it.

 

[d@v3]

she probably thought it was cute really...i wouldn't worry about it.

^ that makes me feel alot better!

And I hope you are right about that Cimarron.

I'm really worried about speaking at this meeting coming up. She will be there and I have to put together the agenda and speak. I'm afraid I will look at her and blush or something stupid like that. Then, to my horror others will pick up on it. I thought my mighty ISTJ-rock infrastructure would never fail me, but apparently it was made of shale and she is slowly chipping it away. Soon she will see me for the possible non-ISTJ I really am!

....At least, that's what it feels like!

 

[Tiny Army]

Aw come on! ISTJs are very intimidating sometimes. They are always on top of their shit, they seem prepared for everything and they always want to protect you, which can be tough for an ENFP. You just need to remember that your ENFP probably already knows that you like her and is prepared to see the signs of that. However, no one else is. You will be fine!

Also, ENFPs are very good at imagining possible outcomes of situations and because of our famous indecision it can sometimes be difficult to commit to something if we can imagine possibly negative outcomes (or at least it's like this for me).

Your mighty rock infrastructure isn't made of shale. She is just fluid enough that it seems like she's wearing it away, but you can definitely work with her. A little flexibility goes a long way with an ENFP. Your collective Te should make for great conversations for a time to come!

 

[Amargith]

Funny story:

Well, I've done myself in this time everyone. I really thought I had gotten over being shy... I was terribly mistaken.

(Keep in mind, that I next to NEVER see her at work/school)
So I was innocently walking along conversing with a friend and when I opened up the door to the building, there she was!She was sitting and talking with a friend. I was terrified, but me and my stoic ISTJ self played it cool ....with one exception.... I was speechless! I literally could not even say hi.... but... she smiled and waved at me and I smiled at her and waved back. Then, still awestruck, I started walking the wrong way down the hall... so I had to turn around and walk the other way! Naturally,I was very embarassed and mad at myself..and mad at my friend as he busting on me afterwards! :steam:

She must have been thinking "what a loon!" But later I texted and apologized for not saying anything to her... and told her the truth, that I was shy and she said "It's alright! I understand!"

And I still feel like an idiot... who walks the wrong way... I mean really?!

LOL, that's just plain adorable

 

[d@v3]

Aw come on! ISTJs are very intimidating sometimes. They are always on top of their shit, they seem prepared for everything and they always want to protect you, which can be tough for an ENFP. You just need to remember that your ENFP probably already knows that you like her and is prepared to see the signs of that. However, no one else is. You will be fine!

Also, ENFPs are very good at imagining possible outcomes of situations and because of our famous indecision it can sometimes be difficult to commit to something if we can imagine possibly negative outcomes (or at least it's like this for me).

So... you don't want to be protected? What ever happened to chivalry? Perhaps I am still stuck in the Dark Ages when it comes to dating.

If you can't commit to a movie on Friday night, how will you EVER be able to date?

How is an ISTJ supposed to change what you ENFP's think will be a bad outcome into a good one?

I was thinking about going in early to work/school some day and walking her to her car and carrying her books because we have had some very bad winter weather. Would that be considered "protecting"? I do not want to offend her or annoy her.

lol and Amargith what did I say about using the wubbie face!!!

 

[Amargith]

She'd prolly be amused at that and even endeared, though not fully understand why you'd do that...at least, that's what I would be like.

I'm personally very ambigious about chivalry. When a guy does it coz he feels that it's his duty or he can score points with it, I don't like it. But when it's something that's inherent to his nature, I find it sweet.

The reason I might not commit to a movie that ahead of schedule is because if I have a long day on friday, and a lot of stuff going on, and although I have the evening off, I might not feel like a movie coz I'm too drained/tired...hence I go with the 'we'll see-response'

 

[Lady_X]

i can't speak for other enfp's but i love chivalry and i can totally make plans for a date...i don't know what that's about...we're not big planners in general...but i can make social plans just fine.

she wants you to be yourself...at least i would...just accept her for who she is and never expect her to be like you...some istj's think their way "is the only way" but if you can realize that it's not and allow her to have her way...then it's fine...really...be yourself...and going to meet her early would be sweet. imo.

 

[d@v3]

She'd prolly be amused at that and even endeared, though not fully understand why you'd do that...at least, that's what I would be like.

I'm personally very ambigious about chivalry.When a guy does it coz he feels that it's his duty or he can score points with it, I don't like it. But when it's something that's inherent to his nature, I find it sweet.

The reason I don't commit to a movie that ahead of schedule is because I might have a long day on friday, and a lot of stuff going on, and although I have the evening off, I might not feel like a movie coz I'm too drained/tired...hence I go with the 'we'll see-response'

Well, doing things like that are definitley my nature. How would I make sure she knows that's why I did it? I would not do it to "score points".. in fact, I pity the fool who would think such a thing. I link that talk to someone who just interested in one thing. However, I look at girls/women as human beings, not sex objects... I don't even really like it when guys say "she is hot!" but I know it's just a saying that has evolved from pop-culture (read my siggy ). Anyhow, I am full aware that the nice guy tends to finish last.

Yes amargith, that is the response she seems to give me "I might be going to do such and such so I'll have to get back to you on that"... and so far, I havn't. That is why my instincts are telling me that we need to be in eachother's presence at least enough to make it so we are more comfortable around eachother. As I said before, I have heard that she is very "quiet" (which I interpret as shy) and, as we now all know, I am VERY shy. Do you think that is a good thing?

How can you and Erin have such differing thoughts about the commitment thing and the chivalry thing? I guess we need a third ENFP input here? Where's Wild when you need her?!

Oh, and I was just kidding about the wubbie face!

 

[Tiny Army]

I enjoy chivalry as long as it is never suggested that it was because I was incapable of doing something myself.

And Erin is totally better at saying shit than me, but yes, that is what I am trying to say. Take her suggestions and fill in the necessary blanks to make plans.

If you ever catch her using worst case scenarios to avoid a situation, just remind her of possible good outcomes. ENFPs are fairly adaptable. She will definitely appreciate a "we have no idea where this is going lets just hope for the best" approach to a relationship.