[ESTP] How do you deal with ESTPs?

[sarah]

I know.

That describes him perfectly and, believe me, I've not mistyped him. I'm speaking in particular about my former housemate but a lot of what I mentioned also applies to others of the type that I've known.

Perhaps my type, with our behind-the-scenes communication style, is just incompatible with that particular type. I'd like to hear from ISFPs on this.

I'm struggling to think of people in my life who have this type pattern, but I have to say if I do know any ESTPs, they aren't obnoxious like your friend. I'm not all that good at accurately typing everyone I know, so that may be part of the problem. It's possible my boss is an ESTP. If so, she's an extremely easy person to work with and a very healthy example of that type plus the In Charge interaction style. She's much more interested in GETTING THINGS DONE than in power-plays or manipulation games, both of which she'd call a total waste of time. When she senses everyone isn't on board with a new program or policy that we all need to get started with in order to make the library run smoother, then she'll call everybody together and say "Allright, people, here's why we're doing what we're doing ... and now here's why it benefits YOU as well as everybody else.... (I believe this is the "selling" that Lukepd was talking about.) She doesn't just want to order people around, she wants to sell people on ideas, programs and services that we could actually all find benefit in, and if you don't agree with her, she's very flexible about changing your job description so that it DOES benefit you, as well as everybody else.

With people who are manipulative, controlling or rude (regardless of their type) I avoid them as much as possible. I once left working for one library branch and applied to work at another because the boss at the first branch was an annoying, negative micro-manager. Sometimes these people will want to know why I'm avoiding them, and if the case, I tell them exactly what they did and how irritating it is. Point by point. I go down the list telling them all the stuff I can't stand about their behavior. (but in the case of the boss I left, I figured it might come back to bite me. I think she knows I can't stand her and won't ever work for her again, but she doesn't know exactly why.)

I would think if the person's an ESTP, he or she would be concerned with the fact that they've managed to make a huge negative impact on somebody else. Since healthy SPs like to make positive impacts, telling the ESTP about his negative impact would probably hit home.

Sarah
ISFP

 

[Dali]

So I would say the best way to deal with them is with an ironic detachment.
That's what I try to do at least.

I just might try that. Wish me luck.

 

[wolfy]

I just might try that. Wish me luck.

Cool. Hope it works out.

 

[Dali]

I would think if the person's an ESTP, he or she would be concerned with the fact that they've managed to make a huge negative impact on somebody else. Since healthy SPs like to make positive impacts, telling the ESTP about his negative impact would probably hit home.

Sarah
ISFP

I haven't tried to confront the others directly but, with that guy, any remark about his actions was misconstrued as a personal attack and he gets vehemently defensive. I've been browsing old threads and apparently, the best time to 'confront' an ESTP is when they're busy working on something. Might try that with my dad.

I hope I'll still have all my teeth intact afterwards...

 

[wolfy]

I haven't tried to confront the others directly but, with that guy, any remark about his actions was misconstrued as a personal attack and he gets vehemently defensive. I've been browsing old threads and apparently, the best time to 'confront' an ESTP is when they're busy working on something. Might try that with my dad.

I hope I'll still have all my teeth intact afterwards...

Really! That's interesting I hate being interrupted when I'm working on something. But then I'm ISFP.

Good luck. Break a leg.

 

[Unique]

First of all thankyou Sarah for your excellent post ! Even though the OP ignored it.

I haven't tried to confront the others directly but, with that guy, any remark about his actions was misconstrued as a personal attack and he gets vehemently defensive. I've been browsing old threads and apparently, the best time to 'confront' an ESTP is when they're busy working on something. Might try that with my dad.

I hope I'll still have all my teeth intact afterwards...

NOT ESTP behavior buddy. We are one of the least likely types to see something as a personal attack.

ESTPs are the ultimate "water off a ducks back" kind. I'm serious. You've got something mixed up. Nothing effects the ESTP on a personal level they simply go "whatever" and move on. We resist closure

We are far MORE likely to accidentally say something to someone else and they deem it as a personal attack. There are a few F types that take what we say to heart and shutdown.

"May fall into the habit of ignoring conflict, rather than solving it" - quote from ESTP personality page

This one is 100% true. We ignore conflict, we don't care. thats J behavior to seek closure on it. "next!" is what we say constantly in our head.

"Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism" - quote from ESTP personality page


You're are a very misinformed individual. Please accept that you may be wrong about the type here because from the quote of yours above I can 100% with certainty guarantee that it is not ESTP behavior. (Not to mention all the other J dominant traits you have mentioned.)

ESTJ Weaknesses

* Tendency to believe that they are always right
* Tendency to need to always be in charge
* Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
* Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
* Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
* May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
* Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
* Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories

 

[SillyGoose]

I haven't tried to confront the others directly but, with that guy, any remark about his actions was misconstrued as a personal attack and he gets vehemently defensive. I've been browsing old threads and apparently, the best time to 'confront' an ESTP is when they're busy working on something. Might try that with my dad.

I hope I'll still have all my teeth intact afterwards...

I'm still kicking around me being ESTP, so takes this with a grain.

But if someone decided to "confront" me about something personal to them while I'm working, well you're not going to get a heart to heart conversation. I will most likely brush you off while I am working and say a few pat remarks, even say I'm sorry just to get you to go away. And then I'll most likely forget what you just said and not on purpose eithe.

If it is something serious to another person, I'd expect them to know when it is an appropriate time to approach me. Confronting while I'm working on something seems very rash and unstable on somebody else's part to me. I would also think they are just talking in the moment and haven't cooled off and really thought about what they are saying. That would also lead to me brushing off more.

For whatever its worth, still not sure of my type.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

1.Realize that they're gonna do what they want to do.
2.Accept it.
3.Chill.

 

[Dali]

NOT ESTP behavior buddy. We are one of the least likely types to see something as a personal attack.

ESTPs are the ultimate "water off a ducks back" kind. I'm serious. You've got something mixed up. Nothing effects the ESTP on a personal level they simply go "whatever" and move on. We resist closure

"I'm totally guilty of feeling like I'm being accused of things all of the time" - http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/2917-how-ask-estp-changes.html#post85904

That sentence I quoted could have as well been written by any of the ESTPs I've known.

Though, of course, there's variance within every type. I just haven't had the luck yet to run into someone of this type that didn't have those qualities I mentioned in varying degrees.

You're are a very misinformed individual. Please accept that you may be wrong about the type here because from the quote of yours above I can 100% with certainty guarantee that it is not ESTP behavior. (Not to mention all the other J dominant traits you have mentioned.)

ESTJ Weaknesses

* Tendency to believe that they are always right
* Tendency to need to always be in charge
* Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
* Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
* Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
* May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
* Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
* Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories

ESTP Weaknesses

· Can become morose or even antagonistic in situations offering little promise of advantage or the possibility to “do something.”
· May be manipulative, taking advantage of other people’s weaknesses for their own gain.
· Can be overconfident of their own cunning or ability, ignoring problems which eventually catch up with them on their blind side.
· In relationship situations may be overbearing, demanding and/or uncaring of the feelings of their partner.
· May become so engrossed in challenging activities that they lose all sense of proportion, neglecting themselves and their relationships.
· Without challenges of their own, may become focused on the behavior of others, particularly that of family or employees, insisting that they live up to what the ESTP sees as the proper code or level of accomplishment.

...if someone decided to "confront" me about something personal to them while I'm working, well you're not going to get a heart to heart conversation. I will most likely brush you off while I am working and say a few pat remarks, even say I'm sorry just to get you to go away. And then I'll most likely forget what you just said and not on purpose either.

If it is something serious to another person, I'd expect them to know when it is an appropriate time to approach me. Confronting while I'm working on something seems very rash and unstable on somebody else's part to me. I would also think they are just talking in the moment and haven't cooled off and really thought about what they are saying. That would also lead to me brushing off more.

For whatever its worth, still not sure of my type.

Perhaps 'working' was not the most appropriate term. It's better explained here -
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/2917-how-ask-estp-changes.html#post85730

 

[Dali]

1.Realize that they're gonna do what they want to do.
2.Accept it.
3.Chill.

1. That applies to any SP
2. How does that answer my question?
3. I'm starving.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

1. Okay
2. It does.
3. Eat something.

 

[sarah]

1. That applies to any SP
2. How does that answer my question?
3. I'm starving.

1. Yep.

2. The next time he tries to get you to do some favor for him, ask him, "So what do I get out of it?" His answer will give away his motives. I'm thinking an ESTP wouldn't be at all shocked by bluntness, as well as others wanting to know how his/her plans would benefit them too. I believe that's what Keirsey meant by "SPs are "cynical" -- we know that everyone acts in accordance with selfish motives, and that's okay with us -- in fact, it's refreshing if people are honest and up front about it. If he answers by saying that something's your duty or your social obligation, then I don't know that you'd be hurting his feelings by saying, "Look, buddy, if you can't turn it into a win-win situation, then I don't care about just making you happy right now. I've got other work that needs to be done. Bye." (and then escape)

3. Eat lunch.

Sarah
ISFP

 

[Jack Flak]

1. Yep.

2. The next time he tries to get you to do some favor for him, ask him, "So what do I get out of it?" His answer will give away his motives. I'm thinking an ESTP wouldn't be at all shocked by bluntness, as well as others wanting to know how his/her plans would benefit them too. I believe that's what Keirsey meant by "SPs are "cynical" -- we know that everyone acts in accordance with selfish motives, and that's okay with us -- in fact, it's refreshing if people are honest and up front about it. If he answers by saying that something's your duty or your social obligation, then I don't know that you'd be hurting his feelings by saying, "Look, buddy, if you can't turn it into a win-win situation, then I don't care about just making you happy right now. I've got other work that needs to be done. Bye." (and then escape)

3. Eat lunch.

Sarah
ISFP

I agree with this. I've dealt successfully with the "manipulative" person occasionally by challenging them. Evasion isn't the answer, because they'll feel like you just don't want to help them. You want them to feel like they were wrong to ask if you want the behavior to change.

 

[Unique]

Perhaps 'working' was not the most appropriate term. It's better explained here -
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/2917-how-ask-estp-changes.html#post85730

That post was written by an ENTP who was stating that he would personally like someone to ask while he was doing a task.

I myself as an ESTP would possibly rage on someone if I was in the middle of something and they came asking me things.

But don't take my word for it, try it out and get smoldered.

"I'm totally guilty of feeling like I'm being accused of things all of the time" - How to ask ESTP for changes?

That sentence I quoted could have as well been written by any of the ESTPs I've known.

Though, of course, there's variance within every type. I just haven't had the luck yet to run into someone of this type that didn't have those qualities I mentioned in varying degrees.

Once again, you quoted a post from the ENTP rather than a reputable source or website. I'm not demeaning the guy btw but don't you think its better to get the info straight from the horses mouth? I think so.

Now the sentence as quoted by the ENTP "I'm totally guilty of feeling like I'm being accused of things all of the time"

You wouldn't get out of an ESTP unless you were jigsaw from the Saw movies and had them strapped to a chair. Yes I am deadly serious.

We never feel this way. Go to ANY reputable personality site and you'll find that ESTPs are the opposite to this way of thinking.

Finally just for you, I quote a post from the how to make ESTPs make changes thread that I believe to be helpful... even though I've already pretty much explained the below previously in a different way.

If I've learned anything about my ESTP mom, it's that if the first time I ask her something she doesn't respond favorably, then I simply try again the next day & get a whole new (usually contridicting) response. This worked wonders in high school.

As for major things that hit her to the core, I just say how I feel in the least emotional way possible (usually by presenting facts - I don't use my normal INFJ abstract way of reasoning with her). I prepare myself for her to completely disagree & probably get rather flippy with me. Once she starts getting out of hand, I simply hang up the phone or go in the other room. I'll give her a couple days to simmer and approach the subject again - while acknowledging that I may have presented my case the wrong way the first time, but this is something that means a lot to me. I'll usually pick a neutral place (such as a resturant) the second time around. She usually listens this time & we work something out.

Notice the first part about getting a bad response the first time... Whats the bet the ESTP was in the middle of something?

I'd put money on it, Cause I'm a gambler like that. Can't refuse a safe bet.

 

[Jeffster]

I SLAP THE TASTE OUT THEIR MOUTHS

 

[Dali]

2. The next time he tries to get you to do some favor for him, ask him, "So what do I get out of it?" His answer will give away his motives. I'm thinking an ESTP wouldn't be at all shocked by bluntness, as well as others wanting to know how his/her plans would benefit them too. I believe that's what Keirsey meant by "SPs are "cynical" -- we know that everyone acts in accordance with selfish motives, and that's okay with us -- in fact, it's refreshing if people are honest and up front about it. If he answers by saying that something's your duty or your social obligation, then I don't know that you'd be hurting his feelings by saying, "Look, buddy, if you can't turn it into a win-win situation, then I don't care about just making you happy right now. I've got other work that needs to be done. Bye." (and then escape)

Sarah
ISFP

I like; I can totally see that working. You're, like, my MBTI Jedi.

I agree with this. I've dealt successfully with the "manipulative" person occasionally by challenging them. Evasion isn't the answer, because they'll feel like you just don't want to help them. You want them to feel like they were wrong to ask if you want the behavior to change.

Noted. Thanks guys and gals.

 

[Dali]

I SLAP THE TASTE OUT THEIR MOUTHS

I've wanted to do that, like, forever.

 

[BlueScreen]

Blank Post!

 

[sade]

Hmm. Somedays it's like this:
"You want me to do what?" "No." "No." "Still no."
"Yes, I'm eating, but keep talking, you might convince me one day." "No."
"So... What would I get out of that?" "No."
"No." "Nice try." "No." "Abso-fucking-no. Noooooo-o."
*laughs* "What the? That doesn't make any sense, why would I do something like that? No." *laughs some more*
"Fine, I'll do this much. Since I like you."

Or I just laugh.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Blank Post!

I don't know why but I lol'd