[ISFJ] ISFJ Personality Traits - What does an unhealthy ISFJ look like?

[Giggly]

Berber, I'm a little confused. Has this man done anything wrong to her yet or is she just paranoid that he will do something in the future?

 

[mlittrell]

WIN

and from what ive found ISFJs are the second most manipulative of all types. that last sentence is of course a massive generalization and i have only noticed it PERSONALLY. ive noticed they are good at shifting the blame and can even shift it to you if, even if you aren't involved.

 

[Giggly]

WIN

and from what ive found ISFJs are the second most manipulative of all types. that last sentence is of course a massive generalization and i have only noticed it PERSONALLY. ive noticed they are good at shifting the blame and can even shift it to you if, even if you aren't involved.

Hrm, I thought you dug SJ's? Maybe just ISTJ's? Do you have any stories or concerns about ISFJ's you'd like to ask about?

 

[runvardh]

I think my Japanese great-grandmother would be an excellent example of an unhealthy ISFJ. I much prefer the brand of ISFJ my Norwegean grandmother puts on

 

[Giggly]

I want to say something about "annoying."

I'd want to look at it more as an area that could use improvement in the health department. It's sometimes difficult but I like to look at personal "flaws" as undeveloped areas and try to keep the judgement factor out.

With varying degrees of success. . .

Do you mean that you interested in helping your ISFJ develop a certain area or did you mean yourself?

Just missed your last post. You are the only one!

Some courage to face this one, brave Girl.

Glad you don't relate to them all!

Thanks. If I can help those who actually want to improve their relationships with ISFJ's ( because ISFJ's are common in society) then I'd like to try. I realize that some people are just here to vent frustration though and that's okay. I'm still trying to separate who seems to genuinely want help and who just wants to vent.

 

[violaine]

^I would like helpful tips, though my previous post might read like venting (I did edit it to tone it down, lol). But perhaps the ISFJ I'm dealing with may be a bit unhealthy for a healthy ISFJ to identify with...

 

[Giggly]

^I would like helpful tips, though my previous post might read like venting (I did edit it to tone it down, lol). But perhaps the ISFJ I'm dealing with may be a bit unhealthy for a healthy ISFJ to identify with...

Have you seen my rep comment?

 

[violaine]

^Ahh, no thank you! It's a tough one. I didn't realize you're prob the only ISFJ around... I think I might have to go and read something about perfectionism at this point... Thanks Hmm...

 

[Giggly]

^Ahh, no thank you! It's a tough one. I didn't realize you're prob the only ISFJ around... I think I might have to go and read something about perfectionism at this point... Thanks Hmm...

Ahh maybe. Aside from being rigid, your ISFJ seems completely self-absorbed. Perfectionists tend to be self-absorbed in that they assign little to no value to what someone else may want or desire besides themselves.

 

[swordpath]

ive noticed they are good at shifting the blame and can even shift it to you if, even if you aren't involved.

Finally nailed down my ex gf's type. Thanks for the help.

 

[Anja]

Do you mean that you interested in helping your ISFJ develop a certain area or did you mean yourself?




Thanks. If I can help those who actually want to improve their relationships with ISFJ's ( because ISFJ's are common in society) then I'd like to try. I realize that some people are just here to vent frustration though and that's okay. I'm still trying to separate who seems to genuinely want help and who just wants to vent.

I just dropped in to answer the OP, Hmm. Observations without any real analysing.

And I wouldn't dream of trying to help her unless she indicated that she wanted help. I've dropped a few gentle hints but see no interest on her part. Soooooo. We'll do lunch now and then, I suppose, and probably not have a very deep relationship.

I can't say that she disturbs me, but there is a certain caution there for me regarding how genuine she is about her feelings.

Since you asked, there is another. An online acquaintance. I'd like some tips on the best way to interact with her. She is one of the moderators and is pretty aggressive about running things her way.

She's fun and funny, easily offended, bright and full of surprises - both pleasant and unpleasant.

I don't think in this particular forum it would be wise to do any hint of confrontation. It's a senior citizen forum. People are set in their ways and most of them seem to be ISTJs. And they also tend to be some touchy about their values and ideas.

She seems to need a tremendous amount of praise and is quick to jump in and "fix" however she sees fit.

So far, I've been complimenting her on her very clever posts and participating in her playfulness. And the things I see which strike a jarring chord with me I've been overlooking.

I think I just answered my own question. I'm wondering whether my patience will fail and at what point it will be difficult to maintain my membership. That's a sure sign that I will either speak my mind or leave.

Ideas?

 

[Giggly]

Finally nailed down my ex gf's type. Thanks for the help.

It's difficult for me to imagine how someone could blame an uninvolved person for something. Do you have any examples you could share?

I just dropped in to answer the OP, Hmm. Observations without any real analysing.

And I wouldn't dream of trying to help her unless she indicated that she wanted help. I've dropped a few gentle hints but see no interest on her part. Soooooo. We'll do lunch now and then, I suppose, and probably not have a very deep relationship.

I can't say that she disturbs me, but there is a certain caution there for me regarding how genuine she is about her feelings.

I understand. You want her genuine support. In the moment.

Tell her that and see what happens. If she's a real friend she will consider it, and imo, it would be worth pushing it for you to get some real answers.

Since you asked, there is another. An online acquaintance. I'd like some tips on the best way to interact with her. She is one of the moderators and is pretty aggressive about running things her way.

She's fun and funny, easily offended, bright and full of surprises - both pleasant and unpleasant.

I don't think in this particular forum it would be wise to do any hint of confrontation. It's a senior citizen forum. People are set in their ways and most of them seem to be ISTJs. And they also tend to be some touchy about their values and ideas.

She seems to need a tremendous amount of praise and is quick to jump in and "fix" however she sees fit.

So far, I've been complimenting her on her very clever posts and participating in her playfulness. And the things I see which strike a jarring chord with me I've been overlooking.

I think I just answered my own question. I'm wondering whether my patience will fail and at what point it will be difficult to maintain my membership. That's a sure sign that I will either speak my mind or leave.

Ideas?

Ahh. Because there is no real regulation of these things, disagreeing too much with a moderator will get you in deep doo-doo no matter what forum you are on, or what type, or gender the mod is. lol

That's about all I can say to that. I'm sorry. :S

 

[swordpath]

Was a joke, Hmm.

 

[Giggly]

Oh hahahahaha

Silly boy

 

[Grungemouse]

You wouldn't mind me taking the opportunity to grab a few ISFJ tips, would you? I've known her for four years now, but after reading the ISFJ profile I didn't realise how little I know about her, emotionally; I didn't realise she had such an intense and underlying emotionality. *facepalm*

Okay. So I'm going to confess my feelings for her. I know she feels the same way, but is too shy to express herself. We live relatively far away (60 miles or so) but that's fine for me, but I'm not sure about her. Anyway, how would you suggest I go about telling her? Would meeting up and telling her face-to-face be intimidating, or maybe a simple confessional kiss (too aggressive?). I thought sending an e-mail would do, as it isn't too direct and it gives her time to repond in her own time, but than I figured it would be too impersonal. IM is out of the question, because 1) It puts pressure on her to respond immediately and 2) There's never a window of opportunity, and I'm fairly good at sniffing for one.

I'm totally hopeless at this stuff. Many thanks in advance.

 

[Giggly]

^ Hrm. I think I need more information.

Were you sure before you read the ISFJ description that she felt the same about you?

 

[Anja]

Thanks, Hmm. I'll give the suggestion a try. Nothing to lose except harmony!

In the second case I think the ISTJ's rut and the jangling of my sensibilities will make my decision for me!

 

[Giggly]

Good luck, Anja!

 

[ColonelGadaafi]

Unhealthy ISFJ's can be best described as ferreting emotional nagging types. Annoying , snooping, emotionally sensitive, and neatness facists. My mother is an ISFJ, and she drives me nuts with her inane perfectionism, incessantly correcting everything i do that she deems "improper" and unacceptble to her standards, she will even go as far as telling me how to tie my shoe laces. While im well aware that she does it only because she sincerely thinks it's for my "best" , it can be overbearing at times.

 

[wordvarc]

Alot of this sounds like my ISFJ friend, the self sacrificing, refusing to speak up when people are taking advantage, stuff like that.

However the most unhealthy thing I have seen is that she is stuck in the past, continuously mourning a long forgotten past that is never coming back, and continuing to be a martyr to a love long buried. (one that from my understanding did not break down completely due to her, and yet she takes 100% of the blame onto herself)

I can get stuck in the past but I can make myself bounce out by reminding myself that nothing will ever turn back time, I feel that whenever I am trying to lift her out of that negative state or rememberence I am embarking on an impossible task because absolutely nothing I have ever said has ever helped her let go of that.

Also she is extremely paranoid about being cheated on, it consumes her current relationship. She is sure that he will cheat, she has plenty of reason to believe this of course but her attitude is to remain the nice one, to not realy say anything, to continue to self sacrifice and take care of all his little needs, to keep him fed and content, so that when he does cheat (no way will he not as far as she is concerned) she can then be the "nice one" and in no way to blame for the break up of the relationship.

Yes...the past. ISFJ's live looking through a rear view mirror. The present and future are defined by an accumulation of clearly remembered and judged past insults. They are so good at details and do everything right out of service to the past. They are easy to love and great to have around as long as you remember common kindness and are simply constantly grateful for their loyal diligence. If neglected, their sulking martyrdom will sneak in and dominate the relationship.