Other People's Kids

[Anja]

Please note, All, that I didn't say that children were to be treated as adults. I was referring to the fact that they have the same feelings as adults have.

 

[heart]

Please note, All, that I didn't say that children were to be treated as adults. I was referring to the fact that they have the same feelings as adults have.

Where did anyone say children don't have feelings? What do feelings have to do with the issue? But their feelings are immature and not the same as adults because they haven't learned the coping skills to handle their feelings and it is up to adults to parent them so that they can properly develop these skills. And it's a lot of WORK, so I just think people ought to consider such a lot harder than they seem to before making the plunge. That's all I was saying. People ought to self-evaluate their fitness for such hard work. And so many don't seem to.

 

[Bella]

Gotcha.

 

[Anja]

So, Bella, why am I in this handbasket and where are you taking me?

 

[Anja]

Someplace fun, I hope.

 

[Martoon]

let her put her hands in the bulk bins at the grocery store.

Ooh, that makes me think of a serious gross-out pet peeve. People who let their kids stick their hands in the food at buffets. And it usually seems to happen immediately after they've wiped their hand across their snotty nose. Yeesh.

I'd have called their parents, explained that it was a legal liability

Heh. And say, "Cause, y'know, I'd just hate to see your kid of have some kind of horrible accident or something, knowattamean?"

I love my dog more than I like your stupid kid.

lol. Blasphemy! All children are precious gifts from heaven, you know that.

Kids aren't the only one's I've had grab me in public

Geez, I said I was sorry! Wow. Some people just can't let anything go.

 

[Anja]

Hee.

This winter I saw a child going from bin to bin of candy near some luncheon booths while mom chattered away on the cell.

I indicated to her what her child was doing and she turned her back. I realized she had conveniently chosen that spot to have a cup of coffee and a conversation with an absent friend without the interference of having to parent at the same time!

Astounding.

 

[Anja]

The legal liability thing? When my kids were little we bought a swing set for them. A woman across the street said to me, "I'd never have one of those in MY yard." That's a liability."

I made a mental note to never allow her children to play on the swing set!

Then a few years went by and her growing babies got a new swing set in their yard. Laughing. . .

 

[Bella]

So, Bella, why am I in this handbasket and where are you taking me?

Huh? I am completey lost..

 

[Anja]

Nay, Bella, 'tis not you. 'Tis poor addled Anja who is wandering around in the dark!

Had a senior moment there. . .

 

[Bella]

Okayyyyyyyy

 

[substitute]

However, whenever I respond as I tend to:

*cue best Uncle Scar impression* Where are your parents?

I'm considered to be rude and stepping out of line!

Why is it considered rude for me to take over when parents are obviously neglecting thier duty to society?

yeah I do similar. screw the evil looks I get, I give 'em right back. Don't make me out to be the bad guy here, you're the incompetent parent, I have a right to shop for groceries without being knocked over, dammit!! that's what I try to incorporate into my 'stare back'!

My mom rants a lot about it and SHE says she thinks it's because you've got a generation that was raised in daycare, that doesn't know how to 'parent', now raising their own kids.

 

[Bella]

Hi Sub:hi:

 

[substitute]

Hi Sub:hi:

LOL hi

 

[Lalaru]

I really hate to complain about children, I mean after all, they are just children. Everyone was a child and there is a possibility I could have children someday, it cannot be easy to raise another little human... I am sure I would not mind having someone else deal with them if they were naughty, though. "You tell 'em, sista!"

 

[Jack Flak]

I was at my friend's house, and his cousin's whole family came by: parents and four kids, all under six. It was excruciating. I don't really have anything to say to toddlers, LOL.

 

[INA]

The worst time was when I took the time and expense to make a prime rib dinner and a relative's six-year old sat there spitting during the whole meal (spit was hitting me and my husband accross the table) and alternately spewing his food back on his plate and laughing. It was revolting and ruined the meal and I felt totally put upon to have to be the one to say "If you don't stop that, you'll need to leave my table."

A friend sat and watched her child mark my carpet with a crayon marker. I was in shock that she was saying nothing. Finally I said "Look at what he's doing!" She just smiled as if saying "wow isn't he a cutie!"

Another time a friend allowed her child to take my couch apart and drag the sofa cover all over the floor and sit there slobering all over the couch cushions, I came back in the room and saw this and she's just like watching it like it's totally okay.

There's other examples like this.

Wow. :steam: Unbelievable. You are . . . tolerant. I will, with no hesitation, put a child in its place where the parents are disinclined to do their job. If the parents have a problem with that then I'd calmly let them know you'd rather not have to deal with the crap. If they cannot appreciate your protecting your home (I've never seen this happen), then they and their brat can go the hell home.

I really hate to complain about children, I mean after all, they are just children. Everyone was a child and there is a possibility I could have children someday, it cannot be easy to raise another little human... I am sure I would not mind having someone else deal with them if they were naughty, though. "You tell 'em, sista!"

It's not the children who are at fault; it's their useless parents.

 

[Anja]

The parents are the problem? I think more so than the child. That struck me when I read the OP. Spot on.

When I was a young mom I didn't have a clue what it took to raise a child and in spite of how much more sophisticated the world is these days about parenting it appears many still don't know how. In that day it was a given that ownership of a child implied ability to raise it. And most people did. And much more solidly than I see today.

Of course, being young, I thought I had all the answers! Rude awakening.

For whatever reason the economy, social changes, this idea of having two jobs - parenting and full-time employment, usually of necessity, does create a lack of time to parent well. And it offers your child up to be parented by others for the majority of his days. That will happen soon enough when he goes to school so those early years are a person's best opportunity to establish good habits/cooperative relationship. It also means leaving the home in a rush and returning tired. Neither are good feeling states in which to try to parent, patience being an essential.

I don't see it as a matter of seriously contemplating the pros and cons, one's' abilities and staying power and educating one's self in parenting techniques as much as it is learning the nature of one's child and then, through trial and error, developing techniques which work to help guide one's own unique little person.

I think those things are important. Still, all the preparation and contemplation in the world will not suffice for the curve balls a child will throw you and each one is different. In other words, it's nearly impossible to assess whether you'll be an effective parent until one is doing it. And it's pretty much a guarantee that all the child experts in the world are not going to make you a good parent to your particular child. It's darned hard work and for much longer than one expects in most cases.

If there were anything at all that is "equal" in a parent/child relationship, hopefully it will be that both are learning at the same time. Just being there and attempting to control another human, although small, is not going to be enough.

Maybe parents are too quick to relax and look away when all is going well and then jump into overdrive when it's not, with little other connection with the child. Or after a period of calm cooperativeness ignore the unexpected crises out of feelings of disconnection and ignorance of the child's nature.

My kids are 32 and 35 and we've got a love relationship with each other. There were times when it was one-sided. They still laugh at some of the stoopid mistakes I made with them and I don't resist the temptation to give a little back. They both have jobs and have managed to make their way in the world. They have problems, large and small. Real people. As real as I could help them to be.

And to me they are still small people! They hate that.

 

[Anja]

I'm giong to slip sideways a bit and say a word about people with pets who are their "children."

I'll preface it with the truth that I have had cats for most of my life and every one of them has been my child in the fiercest possible way.

But I have known many oblivious parents of pets who allow their animals to inflict the worst of habits upon others.

People who have come to visit and brought their dogs into my haven for cats without a second thought. Neighbors who walk their dogs, stop to visit out on the deck and bring the dog into our yard.

My kitties are definitely offended by such a careless boundary violation and I speak for them rather than watch them go true to nature and put a nasty scratch on someone else's "kids."

The puzzling part for me is that their owners seem to automatically assume they can bring their animal along.

Well, dang, I've seen people do this with their children also. There are times when a child in the room is not appropriate. Distracting to the task at hand, no matter how well behaved. I dropped out of a women's support group I belonged to because so many of the young members were bringing their youngsters along which definitely exposed the children to the adult musings of others or otherwise hampered group members' ability to speak frankly.

 

[miss fortune]

I still don't see why I have to hear screeches, dodge running kids (really inconvenient when I had my leg in an imobilizer and was on crutches) and fear that some child will mistake me for a child lover and latch onto my leg

That sort of behavior is just obnoxious! I don't have kids and I'm happy that way- putting up with brat children in public makes me wish that there were seperate families sections of establishments like there are smoking sections- either habit annoys those who don't partake