I think that it is easy to look to someone else for entertainment, approval, validation, affection, etc and as you've discovered, no one person can be all of that to you. I wonder if gradually detaching yourself a bit from your phone and your headphones would allow you to engage more with a wider group of people, and also gain more confidence in being able to navigate the world. You are definitely on the right track as far as having some older women in your life - not only is it helpful to have someone to discuss things with that has experience in the world, but I think that often someone in a different generation than your own is also at a stage of life where they are not going through the same uncertainties and insecurities, and are also likely to have more time that a peer does. They can offer love in a way that is provisionary (something rare to be able to find after we are adults, especially if your parents weren't able to provide you with what you needed) rather than it being the same kind of equal relationship that being a partner or a peer requires. The problem with looking to a partner for care and validation etc, is that if you are going to maintain an equal sort of relationship with them, both people needs to be able to both give and receive care and they both need to feel like complete persons in their own right, rather than just half of a couple. That way one person doesn't deplete the other of all the resources they collectively have, nor is there a need for editing oneself down to feel like equals, or allowing the needier partner to make all the decisions or wield the most power in an attempt to make them an equal partner. Most relationship issues come down to person issues that have never been resolved. If both people work on their own needs, learn how to be appropriately vulnerable with the right people, negotiate, evaluate their own childhoods and early relationships and decide what they need to add to the mix, have a way of making their own money, develop a support system of their own, have their own interests and friends separately in addition to the ones they share as a couple, etc, the prospects for them as a couple increase greatly. It probably also will greatly influence what sort of person you choose and what dynamic you develop in the relationship. It sounds to me that you are beginning to see the need to do this and are taking some steps towards that.
I would also add that we all can act very differently, depending on whom we are interacting with. In general, I'm a pretty secure confident person. However, I can also act clingy, for lack of a better word, in the absence of someone communicating their feelings honestly, them behaving inconsistently, or them sending mixed messages. This confused me a lot when it happened the first time. I will say too that as I've understood my own needs better and been able to communicate clearly when something is bothering me and suggest alternative solutions, as well as felt more sure about behaviours that I encounter in other people, I've looked less to others for validation and felt less need to hover.
