Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts What Instinctual Subtype Does This Sound Like?

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I waver between sx and sp. A lot of people on this forum have typed me sp, and I'm not really surprised at this, based on how I interact, but I question the accuracy.

When I was younger I felt a strong drive to merge with others. Not just any other person of course, but if I met someone who sparked something in me, they would become the focus of my obsession and I had a tendency to idealize and pedestalize these individuals. It was even more amplified if my interest in them was romantic.

After getting burned enough and realizing that people rarely live up to the ideal versions we create in our minds, I became more cautious and reserved in my interactions, even when I came across people who sparked my interest and became objects of obsession. I've always been pretty guarded about revealing inner thoughts to just anyone, but doubly so by this point in my life. I think in that regard I can seem more focused on self preservation. Yet at my core, there's still a strong tendency to feel a pull toward certain people, a desire to merge with them, to learn everything about them. I rationalize in my head that such things as 'soul mates' do not exist, yet I think on some level I really do believe in them.

I wonder if sx types are among the most idealistic humans? Or is that idealism just felt and expressed differently than it is with other instinctual types? I also wonder if they're more likely to experience crashing disappointments and to grow into jaded cynics..

 

[The Cat]

What do y'all mean by merging with people? Ive been reading this a lot lately, and I'm not very clear on it I think.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

What do y'all mean by merging with people? Ive been reading this a lot lately, and I'm not very clear on it I think.

I think John Lennon may have been sx. At one point, he identified as half of JohnandYoko and would sign letters and notes accordingly.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

maybe it's just a 9 thing

 

[The Cat]

I think John Lennon may have been sx. At one point, he identified as half of JohnandYoko and would sign letters and notes accordingly.

Isnt that like stiflingly claustrophobic though?

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

Isnt that like stiflingly claustrophobic though?

Not for him. Or maybe it was. This would require another thread completely but the whole trope about Yoko being controlling may be partially rooted in truth. Read enough bios and accounts, and one begins to see why that conception of Yoko is so popular. I think May Pang was possibly a better match for John. If you ever have the chance, you should read about Lennon's "lost weekend." Really quite fascinating and I'm surprised it hasn't been adapted into a feature length film yet. Perhaps I might write a semi-fictionalized version one of these days.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

Pairing a desire for intimacy with severe trust issues is a recipe for misery and loneliness.

 

[Luminous]

It sounds like what I think sx is. My experience has been much the same. I strongly relate to all you say.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

If that's you're genuine experience I'd go sx over sp, that's pretty textbook sx anyhow

 

[Luminous]

What do y'all mean by merging with people? Ive been reading this a lot lately, and I'm not very clear on it I think.

I'm not sure if this is what others mean, but I have been thinking about how I would define it, and part of it for me, I think is having whatever is important to that other person be just as important to me - like the line between us gets blurred. Not purposely, not consciously with intent, but just because they are so much to me, they affect me on a deeper level. And so I want to take them in completely at that deeper level. Maybe this is more a Feeler thing than an sx merging thing, I don't know.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I admit when I first saw the word "merge" used in the context it usually is within enneatype discussions, I found it difficult to identify with and kind of dismissed it without giving it much thought. I think that term might throw off a lot of enneagram newcomers.

 

[The Cat]

I'm not sure if this is what others mean, but I have been thinking about how I would define it, and part of it for me, I think is having whatever is important to that other person be just as important to me - like the line between us gets blurred. Not purposely, not consciously with intent, but just because they are so much to me, they affect me on a deeper level. And so I want to take them in completely at that deeper level. Maybe this is more a Feeler thing than an sx merging thing, I don't know.

But doesnt that feel rather suffocating to you? Like slowly loosing yourself in a nightmare while tangled in wet sheets?

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

But doesnt that feel rather suffocating to you? Like slowly loosing yourself in a nightmare while tangled in wet sheets?

well, when you phrase it that way...

 

[Luminous]

But doesnt that feel rather suffocating to you? Like slowly loosing yourself in a nightmare while tangled in wet sheets?

This may sound sad, but no, and I think it may be because I'm a 9? In that I don't feel complete without that? It's part of who I am? Or maybe it's an INFP thing, an idealistic notion of what love is and how it's experienced.

Yeah, sometimes, though rarely, the amount of time it takes is annoying, but in most of my experiences, it feels inevitable and worth it at the time.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

What do you think about most often? If you can observe your most trivial day-to-day thoughts and decisions (moreso why you made said decision), then you can determine what is truly running your life.

I spend a SIGNIFICANT amount of time thinking about my declining health, feeling bad about not making better health choices and being glued to my couch while watching my body soften up, thinking about my astronomically high risk of cancer and heart disease, and even accepting my impending doom of premature death and throwing caution to the wind as I whine and dine myself to death. I am very conscious of how I spend my money (but will make similar reckless decisions in that realm while still completely focusing on it). I am highly interested in topics such as disease, nutrition, building wealth, crafting my home into a sanctuary, preserving the earth, cooking/recipes, etc etc etc. When I'm in a public place (restaurant, bathroom, waiting room, etc), I'm very conscious of germs and take appropriate measures to avoid contamination (holding my breath when someone coughs, avoiding touching certain surfaces, washing my hands, etc).

The above probably sounds SUPER weird to Sp-blind people, but no weirder than being self-conscious of the speed of one's windshield wiper blades sounds to me as an So-blind person.

Once you figure out where most of your mental awareness is going (which is harder to do than you'd think because it's analogous to breathing automatically), you can then ask yourself what your relaxed "play" instinct is. That is what you will show most easily to others and serves as the right-hand man to your primary instinct and assures that your needs are met.

For example, an Sx/Sp person night actually be a little tough to get close to (Sx pickiness with Sp presentation). They would use Sp stuff to attain Sx connection, so things like being healthy, having material security, maintaining a steady job, excelling at financing, etc etc. They may talk about these things on a date in order to impress the object of their affection to seem more appealing.

I suspect an ex of mine may have been an e1 Sx/Sp, and he was a rather proud man not ashamed of his accomplishments and resources, but when he started to feel like he wasn't enough, he would try to direct my attention back to these things to remind me of how appealing he should be to me (of course, on subtle subconscious levels).

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

What do you think about most often? If you can observe your most trivial day-to-day thoughts and decisions (moreso why you made said decision), then you can determine what is truly running your life.

I spend a SIGNIFICANT amount of time thinking about my declining health, feeling bad about not making better health choices and being glued to my couch while watching my body soften up, thinking about my astronomically high risk of cancer and heart disease, and even accepting my impending doom of premature death and throwing caution to the wind as I whine and dine myself to death. I am very conscious of how I spend my money (but will make similar reckless decisions in that realm while still completely focusing on it). I am highly interested in topics such as disease, nutrition, building wealth, crafting my home into a sanctuary, preserving the earth, cooking/recipes, etc etc etc. When I'm in a public place (restaurant, bathroom, waiting room, etc), I'm very conscious of germs and take appropriate measures to avoid contamination (holding my breath when someone coughs, avoiding touching certain surfaces, washing my hands, etc).

The above probably sounds SUPER weird to Sp-blind people, but no weirder than being self-conscious of the speed of one's windshield wiper blades sounds to me as an So-blind person.

Once you figure out where most of your mental awareness is going (which is harder to do than you'd think because it's analogous to breathing automatically), you can then ask yourself what your relaxed "play" instinct is. That is what you will show most easily to others and serves as the right-hand man to your primary instinct and assures that your needs are met.

For example, an Sx/Sp person night actually be a little tough to get close to (Sx pickiness with Sp presentation). They would use Sp stuff to attain Sx connection, so things like being healthy, having material security, maintaining a steady job, excelling at financing, etc etc. They may talk about these things on a date in order to impress the object of their affection to seem more appealing.

I suspect an ex of mine may have been an e1 Sx/Sp, and he was a rather proud man not ashamed of his accomplishments and resources, but when he started to feel like he wasn't enough, he would try to direct my attention back to these things to remind me of how appealing he should be to me (of course, on subtle subconscious levels).

I thought I was sp first for a while, and I think that it has to do with a fixation on things like health and germs and whatnot, however, the more I've thought about it, the more I think that sense of self-preservation has served as a means to an end for me rather than a primary drive. It's like, I might obsess over my weight or potential health risks out of a sense that not being my best limits how much I can ever truly appreciate or enjoy whomever the object of my attention and affection might be. My thoughts on health and well being are not constant or all encompassing, they tend to come and go periodically and I can be very blind or unaware of my own physical state and health until way after the fact.


Also, the bolded, I hate to say, is very characteristic of me. Enough so that a 'that's me' alarm started ringing as I read it. I wish my wife was more familiar with enneagram because if she were, any periodic doubts she has about my faithfulness might be assuaged by knowing I wouldn't remind her of how awesome and deserving I am of her affection if I didn't care about her.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I waver between sx and sp. A lot of people on this forum have typed me sp, and I'm not really surprised at this, based on how I interact, but I question the accuracy.

When I was younger I felt a strong drive to merge with others. Not just any other person of course, but if I met someone who sparked something in me, they would become the focus of my obsession and I had a tendency to idealize and pedestalize these individuals. It was even more amplified if my interest in them was romantic.

After getting burned enough and realizing that people rarely live up to the ideal versions we create in our minds, I became more cautious and reserved in my interactions, even when I came across people who sparked my interest and became objects of obsession. I've always been pretty guarded about revealing inner thoughts to just anyone, but doubly so by this point in my life. I think in that regard I can seem more focused on self preservation. Yet at my core, there's still a strong tendency to feel a pull toward certain people, a desire to merge with them, to learn everything about them. I rationalize in my head that such things as 'soul mates' do not exist, yet I think on some level I really do believe in them.

I wonder if sx types are among the most idealistic humans? Or is that idealism just felt and expressed differently than it is with other instinctual types? I also wonder if they're more likely to experience crashing disappointments and to grow into jaded cynics..

You always sounded as Sx person to me. You are too random in posting and decisions for Sp dom. (in my book)

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I love how that one thread sent 9's into the characteristic doubt-confirmation spiral in different ways. I would make a thread too if I felt like anyone would type me correctly or ever does. I feel like my spiral is now absurdly rebellious against myself but it's still just a reaction to the characteristic, natural pattern. I don't know where I am going with that to be honest.

Anyway, best of luck with your type.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I was also thinking back to the type of poetry I used to write (cringy) and how a lot of dealt with idealizing some sort of manic pixie dream wife lover that didn't really exist, despite the fact that I sure as hell thought she did.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

You always sounded as Sx person to me. You are too random in posting and decisions for Sp dom. (in my book)

I'm Sp, and you should see my Facebook.

I'm definitely high Sx though.