Two older women I manage keep fighting each other and trying to drag me into it

[Population: 1]

Now that I understand the situation a little better, it seems you’ve inherited the misfit squad. Nothing like delegating problem employees down the chain. Good luck.

 

[highlander]

My mom, who I report to directly, has been advising me to talk with them, but that didn’t work, so my mom started looking for other places in the school to put them. My mom’s boss, though, saw she was preparing the paperwork to trade one of my paras for another para and stopped her. She told my mom she’s moved both of the paras around so much because they were causing trouble everywhere and now that she has the two trouble makers isolated in my room, she doesn’t want to move them again...

...so I need to make this work at least till next year.

Then I would go with what [MENTION=10808]bechimo[/MENTION] said and I'd make sure your mom knows what you are doing every step of the way and is in concurrence with your approach. When you have people like this, sometimes the best thing is just to get rid of them. They bring things down for everyone else.

 

[Avocado]

Then I would go with what [MENTION=10808]bechimo[/MENTION] said and I'd make sure your mom knows what you are doing every step of the way and is in concurrence with your approach. When you have people like this, sometimes the best thing is just to get rid of them. They bring things down for everyone else.

We took the class on a field trip and the black one had a manic breakdown of some kind and was running around in a crowded public space shouting obscenities and she punched a student. Later when I was reprimanding her, she sexyally assualted me. I submitted my two written statements on the two incidents and she wasn’t in my room today. I asked the head principal if she was reassigned and he said that she’s been assigned to the mail room so she’s not around people. Hopefully she stays out of my room. The principal said several other staff who witnessed her behavior on the trip also filed written statements. Now I just have the white lady, who is still pretty awful, but at least seems mentally stable.

The black one may be facing criminal charges, now. That may be why I didn’t see her today (even around campus).

A few days before all this, she wore a super short skirt with no underwear and flashed me, but I didn’t report that. She also had a habit of leaning over my desk with a low cut shirt and I could she her boobs, and I’d been ignoring that...but caressing me and saying “no man’s touched me in 30 years” after I just reprimanded her for her extremely inappropriate and violent behavior warranted filing a second written statement. I question how she’s been out in the world as long as she has.

Another student was so upset about he saw we had to take him to the school counselor today because he felt guilty that he “caused” the incident and nothing I told him reassured him. The counselor also filed a written statement.

Is she senile?

I’m going to rest for a few days before

 

[Metis]

Oh.

I wouldn't necessarily attribute it to senility. Most people with dementia don't do things like that. I'm sorry she assaulted you and scared the kids. Hopefully now you won't have to deal with it on an ongoing basis any longer.

Are you alright, [MENTION=18694]Avocado[/MENTION]?

 

[rav3n]

We took the class on a field trip and the black one had a manic breakdown of some kind and was running around in a crowded public space shouting obscenities and she punched a student. Later when I was reprimanding her, she sexyally assualted me. I submitted my two written statements on the two incidents and she wasn’t in my room today. I asked the head principal if she was reassigned and he said that she’s been assigned to the mail room so she’s not around people. Hopefully she stays out of my room. The principal said several other staff who witnessed her behavior on the trip also filed written statements. Now I just have the white lady, who is still pretty awful, but at least seems mentally stable.

The black one may be facing criminal charges, now. That may be why I didn’t see her today (even around campus).

A few days before all this, she wore a super short skirt with no underwear and flashed me, but I didn’t report that. She also had a habit of leaning over my desk with a low cut shirt and I could she her boobs, and I’d been ignoring that...but caressing me and saying “no man’s touched me in 30 years” after I just reprimanded her for her extremely inappropriate and violent behavior warranted filing a second written statement. I question how she’s been out in the world as long as she has.

Another student was so upset about he saw we had to take him to the school counselor today because he felt guilty that he “caused” the incident and nothing I told him reassured him. The counselor also filed a written statement.

Is she senile?

I’m going to rest for a few days before

All along, I wondered if you were trolling. Now I'm sure you are.

 

[Avocado]

Oh.

I wouldn't necessarily attribute it to senility. Most people with dementia don't do things like that. I'm sorry she assaulted you and scared the kids. Hopefully now you won't have to deal with it on an ongoing basis any longer.

Are you alright, [MENTION=18694]Avocado[/MENTION]?

A little disturbed, but otherwise yes.

 

[Avocado]

All along, I wondered if you were trolling. Now I'm sure you are.

Whatever, the problem will be over soon hopefully. I’m dealing with it through the proper channels and sanity will be restored, hopefully. Its been a big drama. Its had me dreading what I’d have to deal with next from those two.

 

[mgbradsh]

We work for a high school. I’m a teacher and the two women I manage are paraprofessionals. It is their job to handle janitorial and secretarial tasks and help me perform my duties as needed. While I doubt I could get both of them to a coffee shop if I invited them at the same time, I may be able to get them there if I invite them separately. I’m used to being at the bottom of the pyramid and managing other adults is new to me. The moderately mentally retarded children we care fore are pretty compliant this year, but my assistants are making my job harder with their bickering. The children they are hired to help me manage are far better behaved than the paraprofessionals are.

I almost audibly gasped when I saw that.

That’s not okay for someone who works with kids to ever say.

 

[Madboot]

TRIAL BY COMBAT.

I choose the longsword. (fifth from the left)

 

[The Cat]

I choose the longsword. (fifth from the left)

I picked the, cutlass far right. Back to back we shall stand against the enemy; blades drawn ready to taste the thrill of combat and the glory of battle!


Boo agrees....

 

[Avocado]

I almost audibly gasped when I saw that.

That’s not okay for someone who works with kids to ever say.

Its the polite term. There are three levels—mild, moderate, and severe. I work with moderate.

 

[Starry]

What will send a good clear message that I just want them to leave each other alone and their work? I said that already and a day later they were fighting again. One is a 56 year old white lady who has a lot of money because she divorced Ryan Erxleben the Sports Hero, and the other is a 68 year old black lady from a poor background who is a widow of 20 years. I work well with each one on one, but when they are together, they keep fighting and trying to get me to pick a side, and the innanities they want me to referee are rediculous.
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], what is your experience in managing older immature educated women?

Trying to manage older, immature, educated women is like trying to herd cats is what I always say...


There was a time when I used to travel a lot...where on my return I was “forced” to take a position in campus operations while I waited for something suitable on the academic side to open up. And that position had a supervisor piece but nothing like you are describing. These were site coordinators that all worked independently. So aside from a complaint here and there from faculty that could be resolved in a single phone call... interpersonal conflict wasn’t a concern and so I’ve got nothing for yah in that regard.

I’ll tell you this though... the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Eat right, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, etc. This is no bs... when you are feeling very well...calm, focused, strong, fairly confident in your abilities to handle the things that arise...it will transform the environment itself. I mean, it won’t prevent all conflict as you’re dealing with others and their individual states of wellbeing...but it sets a secure stage...and will allow you to address these things much more effectively.

So yah...eat, sleep, exercise, take care of your mental wellbeing. <-I mean, that’s actually a big one for you. You’ve been very open over the years concerning the various mental health challenges you struggle to manage on a daily basis...and I’ll just be very upfront with you by saying that I have never felt you’re doing enough in that regard. I’ve told you this a million times but I’ll say it again here... I still feel you would be best served getting a diagnosis that really makes sense when it comes to all you experience and receive some ongoing care for a little while. I really think it would make all the difference...especially if you’ll be working in a leadership role.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter and don’t expect to return to the thread for further comment. Just wanted to toss that out there.

 

[Avocado]

Trying to manage older, immature, educated women is like trying to herd cats is what I always say...


There was a time when I used to travel a lot...where on my return I was “forced” to take a position in campus operations while I waited for something suitable on the academic side to open up. And that position had a supervisor piece but nothing like you are describing. These were site coordinators that all worked independently. So aside from a complaint here and there from faculty that could be resolved in a single phone call... interpersonal conflict wasn’t a concern and so I’ve got nothing for yah in that regard.

I’ll tell you this though... the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Eat right, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, etc. This is no bs... when you are feeling very well...calm, focused, strong, fairly confident in your abilities to handle the things that arise...it will transform the environment itself. I mean, it won’t prevent all conflict as you’re dealing with others and their individual states of wellbeing...but it sets a secure stage...and will allow you to address these things much more effectively.

So yah...eat, sleep, exercise, take care of your mental wellbeing. <-I mean, that’s actually a big one for you. You’ve been very open over the years concerning the various mental health challenges you struggle to manage on a daily basis...and I’ll just be very upfront with you by saying that I have never felt you’re doing enough in that regard. I’ve told you this a million times but I’ll say it again here... I still feel you would be best served getting a diagnosis that really makes sense when it comes to all you experience and receive some ongoing care for a little while. I really think it would make all the difference...especially if you’ll be working in a leadership role.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter and don’t expect to return to the thread for further comment. Just wanted to toss that out there.

Been getting medical therapy now....
I don’t think its been working.

 

[mgbradsh]

Its the polite term. There are three levels—mild, moderate, and severe. I work with moderate.

It’s not.

You could say Developmentally Delayed, Developmentally Disabled, Intellectually Delayed, there are quite a few options that don’t involve using the r-word.

The R-word and the challenging history of words for dummies - The Boston Globe

Special Olympics | R Word

 

[Avocado]

I picked the, cutlass far right. Back to back we shall stand against the enemy; blades drawn ready to taste the thrill of combat and the glory of battle!


Boo agrees....

I’m playing a custom party in that game: a human cavalier PC with 18/99 str, 7 dex, 18 con, 18 int, 18 wis, 18 cha, plus 2 half-orc cleric/thieves (i use them for trapfinding and sanctuary scouting), a half-elf cleric/mage, a half-elf diviner, and an NPC conjurer named Edwin from Nashkel. Its a lawful party (Lawful Good, Lawful Neutral, and Lawful Evil mix). I’m still trying to finish the Nashkel Mines Quest.

I’m surprised others on this forum play that game. I thought is was pretty obscure.

 

[The Cat]

I’m playing a custom party in that game: a human cavalier PC with 18/99 str, 7 dex, 18 con, 18 int, 18 wis, 18 cha, plus 2 half-orc cleric/thieves (i use them for trapfinding and sanctuary scouting), a half-elf cleric/mage, a half-elf diviner, and an NPC conjurer named Edwin from Nashkel. Its a lawful party (Lawful Good, Lawful Neutral, and Lawful Evil mix). I’m still trying to finish the Nashkel Mines Quest.

I’m surprised others on this forum play that game. I thought is was pretty obscure.

Its one of my favorite series of all time...So cool to meet another player ^_^ Ive played it a few times over the years and still havent done everything.

 

[Avocado]

Its one of my favorite series of all time...So cool to meet another player ^_^ Ive played it a few times over the years and still havent done everything.

That’s great that it has replay value. I tried being a solo player as several different classes, and thought my last game as a chaotic evil cleric/thief was the ideal solo character...then I met a mage with true seeing and charm person...it was pretty much an instant kill. I rolled a 97 right off the bat with this paladin I made for a traditional party play through, which I didn’t know was possible. My strategy with this party is letting my other characters scout the dungeon and identify threats, then report back to me, then rest to regain their defensive buffs (like sanctuary and invisibility), and take care of isolated enemies with backstabs. Finally, my main PC will purge the rest of the area with his warrior awesomeness. My play style is being defensive and gathering tons of intel to make the best decision. The only reasons I am picking up Edwin instead of making my own conjurer is he has that amulet that gives him 2 extra spells and I also kind of like his dialogue. In my theater of the mind, I imagine he is an informant for the Lawful Neutral Church my characters are “working for”. Its my understanding he’s in most of the 3 games.

It’s not.


You could say Developmentally Delayed, Developmentally Disabled, Intellectually Delayed, there are quite a few options that don’t involve using the r-word.


The R-word and the challenging history of words for dummies - The Boston Globe


Special Olympics | R Word

My sheet still has Moderate MR on it, but Intellectual Disability conveys the same idea. I have a few almost grown students who may never live on their own because they have autism in addition to moderate intellectual disability so they can’t read, speak, or follow more than 1-step instructions without direct supervision. I also have a boy who is classified as Moderate, but I seriously think he may be only mild or even borderline due to his high level of functioning and the skill with reading and math he has demonstrated to me. He even makes his own youtube videos. He is much more advanced than the rest of the class. Most of the class lies between those two extremes, however.

 

[Madboot]

I picked the, cutlass far right. Back to back we shall stand against the enemy; blades drawn ready to taste the thrill of combat and the glory of battle!


Boo agrees....

I like the new avatar, I was a fan of Babylon 5 too. Also nice Baldur's Gate reference.

 

[Avocado]

Trying to manage older, immature, educated women is like trying to herd cats is what I always say...


There was a time when I used to travel a lot...where on my return I was “forced” to take a position in campus operations while I waited for something suitable on the academic side to open up. And that position had a supervisor piece but nothing like you are describing. These were site coordinators that all worked independently. So aside from a complaint here and there from faculty that could be resolved in a single phone call... interpersonal conflict wasn’t a concern and so I’ve got nothing for yah in that regard.

I’ll tell you this though... the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Eat right, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, etc. This is no bs... when you are feeling very well...calm, focused, strong, fairly confident in your abilities to handle the things that arise...it will transform the environment itself. I mean, it won’t prevent all conflict as you’re dealing with others and their individual states of wellbeing...but it sets a secure stage...and will allow you to address these things much more effectively.

So yah...eat, sleep, exercise, take care of your mental wellbeing. <-I mean, that’s actually a big one for you. You’ve been very open over the years concerning the various mental health challenges you struggle to manage on a daily basis...and I’ll just be very upfront with you by saying that I have never felt you’re doing enough in that regard. I’ve told you this a million times but I’ll say it again here... I still feel you would be best served getting a diagnosis that really makes sense when it comes to all you experience and receive some ongoing care for a little while. I really think it would make all the difference...especially if you’ll be working in a leadership role.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter and don’t expect to return to the thread for further comment. Just wanted to toss that out there.

I’m actually not sure to do about mental wellbeing. My anxiety about the future is gone, but now I just replay horrific scenes from my past over and over and feel cursed with a bad past. It seems like I’m always seeking shelter and then dealing with problems only when I have to.

 

[tinker683]

Not at all serious answer:

1) Build a small above ground pool
2) Fill the pool with jelly
3) Hand both women a broken pool stick and tell them that whoever emerges from the pool victorious shall be Queen of the Seven Kingdoms

Serious answer:

Sit them both down, tell them you like them both, but that they need to learn to work together. If they just can't do that, then you will refer them to your supervisor/company attorney/whoever may be appropriate.

If you are the big cheese responsible for settling this, then consult your company attorney for ways to resolve that don't bring hellfire down on you. If that's not an option, then tell both ladies they need to find some way to get along or you'll fire them both.

You're all adults and you didn't take them to raise. They need to grow the hell up and act like professionals or go somewhere else.