Two older women I manage keep fighting each other and trying to drag me into it

[Avocado]

What will send a good clear message that I just want them to leave each other alone and their work? I said that already and a day later they were fighting again. One is a 56 year old white lady who has a lot of money because she divorced Ryan Erxleben the Sports Hero, and the other is a 68 year old black lady from a poor background who is a widow of 20 years. I work well with each one on one, but when they are together, they keep fighting and trying to get me to pick a side, and the innanities they want me to referee are rediculous.
@Starry, what is your experience in managing older immature educated women?


EDIT: The black one, who was already a known troublemaker, got fired after she did a few truly outrageous things that were bad even for her: She flashed me, punched the other paraprofessional I lead that I mentioned in the thread (the rich white lady), and assaulted a student. She also had an altercation with somebody in Walmart while wearing a school shirt. She's out, now, so this thread is now more focused on the rich white lady.

 

[Forever]

I’m only going to come up with a wise-ass answer so, I’ll just pass

 

[The Cat]

Got an employee handbook handy? Serious question.

 

[21%]

What are they fighting about? It could be a communication problem. It could be that they hate each other's guts. I think you need to figure out what their problem is first if you're to solve it.

 

[Population: 1]

TRIAL BY COMBAT.

 

[FemMecha]

So sorry you are dealing with this [MENTION=18694]Avocado[/MENTION]
I'm not good at giving advice on managing people, but I do know there is a principle in psychology, "if you want to extinguish a behavior, give it no attention."

I realize you may need to take the employee handbook approach and talk it through to establish the boundaries, but in the details of interaction, in the moment when they come up to you, you could actually ignore them and simply refuse to respond.

 

[Avocado]

What are they fighting about? It could be a communication problem. It could be that they hate each other's guts. I think you need to figure out what their problem is first if you're to solve it.

They are making catty comments to each other about how the other is not working as hard as they are and that they are looking at them. Its very childish and shocking to see in educated older women.

 

[Avocado]

Got an employee handbook handy? Serious question.

I need to get it and start following its suggestions. I’ve tried the informal approach and it failed, so I guess I need to see what’s next. I was hoping I could settle it informally.

 

[The Cat]

I need to get it and start following its suggestions. I’ve tried the informal approach and it failed, so I guess I need to see what’s next. I was hoping I could settle it informally.

It's entirely possible that you can its just a good idea to have a familiarity with it so if you cant you can honestly say i used the handbook as a guide. Its more to cover your own back.

 

[Population: 1]

In all seriousness you have asked nicely that they act like adults and that failed. So now you need to assert your authority. You don’t need to be a dick but you do need to be firm. I don’t enjoy repeating myself, especially after I’ve tried to be cordial and diplomatic. That was me being respectful. Not listening to my request is disrespectful.

If people disrespect you initially when you’re being reasonable, they will most likely continue to do so. Be fair and be reasonable where possible, but be firm when you need to be. No one respects a raging asshole but the same can be said about a pushover.

The message would be stop bickering. I (you) evaluate your work as individuals. You don’t evaluate each other. Be honest and impartial. Make it clear that you don’t play favorites.

 

[chickpea]

have them physically fight each other, and the winner gets to keep their job. make sure to film it for viral internet fame!

 

[The Cat]

The important thing to keep in mind, despite how frustratingly tedious it is, don't let it get to you. Be methodical. Keep a paper trail that shows you've been staying professional in your interactions with them.

 

[Betty Blue]

What will send a good clear message that I just want them to leave each other alone and their work? I said that already and a day later they were fighting again. One is a 56 year old white lady who has a lot of money because she divorced Ryan Erxleben the Sports Hero, and the other is a 68 year old black lady from a poor background who is a widow of 20 years. I work well with each one on one, but when they are together, they keep fighting and trying to get me to pick a side, and the innanities they want me to referee are rediculous.
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], what is your experience in managing older immature educated women?

Oh, so much easier to deal with if you are not emotionally involved with this. Conflict isn't so bad if you can get conflict resolution. Have they had it out with each other? if not it's probably not such a bad idea that they address their issues with each other if it's affecting them/their work/people around them etc.

You could always have a meeting with both of them idk if you are in a super officey official surroundings, you could try to go to a neutral territory, personally i'd prefer a quiet cafe. Let them express their issues, ask them to do so calmly and to try to not focus on the individuals personally but rather the behaviour. If all else fails or you feel it's too much to handle theres also people who are paid to come in and deal with conflict, facilitators.

It depends how you want to deal with it really, I'm not into micro managing people, co operative environments work best for me... here s good resource, it's used for campaign groups but will have some good resources/suggestions/info/guidance etc...

Resources by Seeds for Change

 

[Forever]

Aw what the hell, the community is thinking what i'm thinking or am I thinking what the community is thinking!

props to the overly chill music

Bonus:

 

[Avocado]

Oh, so much easier to deal with if you are not emotionally involved with this. Conflict isn't so bad if you can get conflict resolution. Have they had it out with each other? if not it's probably not such a bad idea that they address their issues with each other if it's affecting them/their work/people around them etc.

You could always have a meeting with both of them idk if you are in a super officey official surroundings, you could try to go to a neutral territory, personally i'd prefer a quiet cafe. Let them express their issues, ask them to do so calmly and to try to not focus on the individuals personally but rather the behaviour. If all else fails or you feel it's too much to handle theres also people who are paid to come in and deal with conflict, facilitators.

We work for a high school. I’m a teacher and the two women I manage are paraprofessionals. It is their job to handle janitorial and secretarial tasks and help me perform my duties as needed. While I doubt I could get both of them to a coffee shop if I invited them at the same time, I may be able to get them there if I invite them separately. I’m used to being at the bottom of the pyramid and managing other adults is new to me. The moderately mentally retarded children we care fore are pretty compliant this year, but my assistants are making my job harder with their bickering. The children they are hired to help me manage are far better behaved than the paraprofessionals are.

 

[rav3n]

They are making catty comments to each other about how the other is not working as hard as they are and that they are looking at them. Its very childish and shocking to see in educated older women.

Firstly, it sounds like there's no clear division of responsibilities. Set that up ASAP. Next, bring them both into your office to inform them of the clear division and that you expect the bickering to stop and if it doesn't stop, then you'll find a way to stop it through the termination of the employees who are creating a hostile work environment. Document the entire discussion and if you really want to push it, have them sign off on their understanding.

 

[Avocado]

Firstly, it sounds like there's no clear division of responsibilities. Set that up ASAP. Next, bring them both into your office to inform them of the clear division and that you expect the bickering to stop and if it doesn't stop, then you'll find a way to stop it through the termination of the employees who are creating a hostile work environment. Document the entire discussion and if you really want to push it, have them sign off on their understanding.

Funny you typed that, I’m typing up a rotating schedule with responsibilities right now. I’m sure I’ll be editing it a lot. I’ll also meet them after school lets out in my office/classroom (it serves both purposes, depending on the time of day).

 

[Yuurei]

A lot of women just cannot stop competing with each ither.
It’s one of the most annoying things about being a woman.

 

[rav3n]

Funny you typed that, I’m typing up a rotating schedule with responsibilities right now. I’m sure I’ll be editing it a lot. I’ll also meet them after school lets out in my office/classroom (it serves both purposes, depending on the time of day).

So you plan to split them up? You can try that but it won't necessarily solve the problem since they can still apply the whisper campaign and cause dissension in the staff. You have to be very clear of your expectations which includes shutting down gossip where they should leave their emo at the door since they're being paid to be productive by the company and dissension reduces productivity and if productivity's lost whether with them or other staff members, that becomes a tangible loss to the company and that can't happen.

 

[Avocado]

So you plan to split them up? You can try that but it won't necessarily solve the problem since they can still apply the whisper campaign and cause dissension in the staff. You have to be very clear of your expectations which includes shutting down gossip where they should leave their emo at the door since they're being paid to be productive by the company and dissension reduces productivity and if productivity's lost whether with them or other staff members, that becomes a tangible loss to the company and that can't happen.

I’m going to split them as much as possible, but there are times during the day they’ll have to work together. We are working in a public high school in the special education department, so there are kids having to suffer from this, too.