Haha this made it worth the read alone.You just met a guy online who sent you a pic of his dick and you subsequently met him in person. Truly amazing.
I'm out.
Hi, Sorry already for the lengh of the post but hope some INTJ (or other types) can enlight me a little. I met this INTJ through a dating app. He chatted but specified he is too busy for penpals and was eager to rather meet. He even sent me (without request) a dick pic and whilst I am not after sex dates, his profile intrigued me and as a curious female ENFP I decided one day to go check how green the grass. The date was at his place, another thing that made me very nervous and so I spoke a lot. He was composed (sexy), avoiding eye contact but noticing, I have no doubt, as much as he could get a grip on. I can be at times shy and even prude which was the case but I believe he found me cute and seem to have a little smile at all times. Despite my timidity, I know my value and getting guys has never been an issue.
Anyway.. My mind was racing as fast as my heartbeat, I couldn't hide it. Why would I? We then kissed, but (and I never used that word before) very very sensually. It was almost like he kissed me with his soul. Gave me shivers, felt to his mercy almost and strangely calmed me down. We proceeded to his bedroom where we had sex As on his profile he described being INTJ I had read a bit ahead and knew how they value their owntime. Being in his cave, I felt I didn't want to feel like a weight and made a move quite quickly after we finished. He was quite cute, a bit dreaming in his own thoughts but caring in a way/gentlemanish. I was smiling all the way back home and so high up on my cloud I barely slept lol. He texted me the next morning basically to say he hoped I had a good time. I told him I was off this week end if he wanted some distraction but he said he was travelling and would text me back when he's back. I didn't insist on knowing when, my sister is an introvert and I know they hate questions. I sent few messages not really profound but to keep contact, he always replied quite fast. It had been 3 weeks yday so I again reached out to him because not knowing when he would be back had me going a bit crazy, also I was running dry on information about his type on internet, ENFP can obsess.. it is a fact. I was still under his kissing spell and this does never happen to me. I am usually quite self guarded. Anyway, he explained he is traveling, could be work or fun, he has succeeded in life with work it seems and I don't put my nose in his business. I like to keep it light but found out he would be away for 3-5 more weeks. Few hours later I recontacted him and again he replied almost right away however it was mostly debating how he wanted me to send a picture of my boobs lol. I did. First time for everything I guess in life, and surely not my biggest accomplisment but in my mind he felt as I said "worthy". I had then the upper hand to make funny judgement and told him for all I know he is the biggest gigolo in the world. He called me delusional, said we had had sex already and you don't have sex with someone you don't trust and added "you crazy little thing" with a smiley. He also said something about being a sexist, probably half humor but anyway, he also replied "I am not a player. I never lie. But I don't have sex with just one woman. I don't like it. Besides, might be better to get fucked/be friends with a good guy. Than to marry a looser you can't stand". I think he might have been a bit drunk that day whilst he was totally sober when I first met him. I feel also his dad might have been this way towards his mom. Not the first time he used the word "loser" I replied "For sure but there's good guys out there. Not just.. losers xx" He never replied. He also knew I had said good night the message before. I now wonder what to make of all this. I am not sure I ever met an INTJ before. Any insight is welcome. Thanks in advance!
What if he is a polygamist? He said he doesn't sleep with just one woman. Self deprecation is also a coping mechanism. So I think he might have confidence issues maybe, in even maintaining a relationship.
If all you want is a fuck buddy, carry on. If you're looking for a more serious relationship with this guy (which it seems like), you may be setting yourself up for failure. You seem more invested than he does. At least he's honest I guess. The biggest red flag to me is an INTJ that would spell loser as looser.
He wants to play the field for ego boost and variety. He has basically implied that. The dick pic should have been the biggest giveaway... nothing wrong with what he's necessarily doing but if you are hoping for more, he's a waste of time.
I agree with you. I think most of the information on INTJ out on the internet is not relevant for the immature type so I wasn't prepared for such emotional distance to be established so promptly. I value his honesty but didn't agree on his self view being the "good guy". Sounds to me like he's been through a trauma of some kind. Should I waste time finding out if reconcilabe? Probably not :/He wants to play the field for ego boost and variety. He has basically implied that. The dick pic should have been the biggest giveaway... nothing wrong with what he's necessarily doing but if you are hoping for more, he's a waste of time.
I agree with you. It's a way to still gets his needs without getting closed/hurt. He had mentioned a gf in his early chat so that lead me to think he was mature enough for more. Little did I know.. he felt even a bit nervous in bed, also let me think I mattered to him.. heard prestation issue is quite common for INTJ. But yes, i feel his has a huge emotional luggage he's not willing to look at or deal with.Sounds like he is hinting at some devious beliefs here. What if he is a polygamist? He said he doesn't sleep with just one woman. Self deprecation is also a coping mechanism. So I think he might have confidence issues maybe, in even maintaining a relationship.
I agree with you. I think most of the information on INTJ out on the internet is not relevant for the immature type so I wasn't prepared for such emotional distance to be established so promptly. I value his honesty but didn't agree on his self view being the "good guy". Sounds to me like he's been through a trauma of some kind. Should I waste time finding out if reconcilabe? Probably not :/
OP:
[ details details details details dick pick the main issue query details other details ]
TypoC : Did you just say dick pics?
Hi, Sorry already for the lengh of the post but hope some INTJ (or other types) can enlight me a little. I met this INTJ through a dating app. He chatted but specified he is too busy for penpals and was eager to rather meet. He even sent me (without request) a dick pic and whilst I am not after sex dates, his profile intrigued me and as a curious female ENFP I decided one day to go check how green the grass. The date was at his place, another thing that made me very nervous and so I spoke a lot. He was composed (sexy), avoiding eye contact but noticing, I have no doubt, as much as he could get a grip on. I can be at times shy and even prude which was the case but I believe he found me cute and seem to have a little smile at all times. Despite my timidity, I know my value and getting guys has never been an issue.
Anyway.. My mind was racing as fast as my heartbeat, I couldn't hide it. Why would I? We then kissed, but (and I never used that word before) very very sensually. It was almost like he kissed me with his soul. Gave me shivers, felt to his mercy almost and strangely calmed me down. We proceeded to his bedroom where we had sex As on his profile he described being INTJ I had read a bit ahead and knew how they value their owntime. Being in his cave, I felt I didn't want to feel like a weight and made a move quite quickly after we finished. He was quite cute, a bit dreaming in his own thoughts but caring in a way/gentlemanish. I was smiling all the way back home and so high up on my cloud I barely slept lol. He texted me the next morning basically to say he hoped I had a good time. I told him I was off this week end if he wanted some distraction but he said he was travelling and would text me back when he's back. I didn't insist on knowing when, my sister is an introvert and I know they hate questions. I sent few messages not really profound but to keep contact, he always replied quite fast. It had been 3 weeks yday so I again reached out to him because not knowing when he would be back had me going a bit crazy, also I was running dry on information about his type on internet, ENFP can obsess.. it is a fact. I was still under his kissing spell and this does never happen to me. I am usually quite self guarded. Anyway, he explained he is traveling, could be work or fun, he has succeeded in life with work it seems and I don't put my nose in his business. I like to keep it light but found out he would be away for 3-5 more weeks. Few hours later I recontacted him and again he replied almost right away however it was mostly debating how he wanted me to send a picture of my boobs lol. I did. First time for everything I guess in life, and surely not my biggest accomplisment but in my mind he felt as I said "worthy". I had then the upper hand to make funny judgement and told him for all I know he is the biggest gigolo in the world. He called me delusional, said we had had sex already and you don't have sex with someone you don't trust and added "you crazy little thing" with a smiley. He also said something about being a sexist, probably half humor but anyway, he also replied "I am not a player. I never lie. But I don't have sex with just one woman. I don't like it. Besides, might be better to get fucked/be friends with a good guy. Than to marry a looser you can't stand". I think he might have been a bit drunk that day whilst he was totally sober when I first met him. I feel also his dad might have been this way towards his mom. Not the first time he used the word "loser" I replied "For sure but there's good guys out there. Not just.. losers xx" He never replied. He also knew I had said good night the message before. I now wonder what to make of all this. I am not sure I ever met an INTJ before. Any insight is welcome. Thanks in advance!
If you are looking for someone to fuck with no strings attached = score.
If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper = oops.
If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper and want to avoid something like this happening in the future look for unsolicited dick pics when you know nothing of the guy = clue/red flag
Correct.
Correct.
Wrong.
Let's not play the Saints and Sinners game. Dick pic or not, albeit unclassy and unorthodox way of approaching, it remains a detail. I don't see that as a red flag as long as she was okay with it. If she perceived it as a red flag, she wouldn't have taken the conversation any further. It's about how the relationship takes off from that point onwards.
That red flag is purely subjective, and therefore Discarded.
On the other hand, I've seen relationships turn from lust into solid long term marriages. She shouldn't take our word for it. His promiscuity might be due to arrogance of conquest, just like it might be due to love avoidance. Either way, it's up to her to decide whether or not to pursue this man provided she can see chances of long term commitment happening. Her decision to not take things further will not be based upon a dick pic, however. That would be preposterous.
Hi. To start with, I'm very grateful for any insight and I'm not offended by anyone's opinion. I appreciate you're taking time to respond. Now let me share some light. Yes he did sent a dick pic and it's not elegant but I'm also very sexual as a person and whilst this isn't dreamy it didn't shock me. I like my men with high libido.I think that, like many NF in this case (you are in a state of expectation) you tend to find explanations to justify your feelings. OF course your reality and future can't only depend on advices on a forum (even with highly VIP people of course...). What is your intuition telling you ? Not your feelings, your intuition. Your experiment with men will also tell you some words in your dreams... and influence your feminine psyche. In your case (but I'm not you so... I'll just try to give you a piece of advice on tiptoes), I would stop here. I have some proudness and I'm not submissive. I wouldn't like at all his attitude. We are all very different, but personally I would feel immediately something isn't authentic (I can swear I feel this energy through your words). As an NF you normally have some standards. Maybe you are young.... But hey girl, be sure I don't wanna judge you or bring on the carpet too much caution if you think it isn't the right thing for yourself. If you wanna be respected by men, next time this kind of asshole sends you the pic of his "membre viril", think twice. Maybe you were excited by that and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OF COURSE . But there are simply and logically the consequences to deal with (men do this to test women you know, don't we test men in our way...) And if he dares thinking he is intelligent because he sends you such pictures... INTJ or not... No comment. It seems very normal nowadays but anyway there is a message as well through that act, fashionable or not. If women sleep (so in a way they find this exciting) with men because they send such a picture... what to think... Maybe if I was a man wanting adventures I'd do the same... if that works so well....