[INFJ] ENFPs or INFPs- Which are Better for INTJs?

[Avocado]

so you are actually a squirrel?

Yes.
You have discovered my secret identity.

 

[prplchknz]

Yes.
You have discovered my secret identity.

nice outfit:

 

[grey_beard]

Seeing others of the same (or nearly the same) type as a mirror can be quite revealing. One thing I learned from seeing other INTJs in action is that we could NEVER, EVER be construed as being too positive or too warm. I say this, because that was the constraint I had placed upon myself: I didn't want to seem too warm, too forward, too open, lest I cause awkwardness. Seeing other INTJs react in the same manner came across as very, very cold, almost inhuman, definitely dismissive.

So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.

There are few metrics on this path, however. So I was quite flattered when a friend of mine commented on my "warm energy" one evening.

I think most INTJs attempt to show affection through sarcasm: advanced ones may manage to get as far as teasing.

 

[tkae.]

EDIT: Ok, read about 5-10 posts. Remembering why INFPs are such a pain in the ass and things never work out with them. ENFPs it is.

...

I mean, "Please, no! I can't live without you! I don't know how I'll ever go on without your affirmation of my being!"



If you're gonna be a special snowflake about it, we don't want you. I doubt the ENFPs want it either. You need to check yourself, because I'm betting it's not the type of person you date that's the issue.

 

[Raffaella]

INFPs or ENFPs, which should I pick to worship me?

 

[Riva]

I think the main reason INTJs are attracted to or INTJs and ENFPs are supposed to make good partners is because:

INTJs are usually very responsible people and are one of the most committed partners. They literally take care of their lovers. They are responsible people and that's a very very sexy thing once you become mature.

Men like to feel that they are useful, which is probably why men are attracted to the image of damsel in distress. - Sorry I had to stereotype here a bit -.

INTJs are very very good at practical matters - with the exception of romance and attracting a partner, which is too obvious not to use as a stereotype of INTJs - and being organized. That's ENFP's achille's heel. Even if they are good at practical matters they are seldom organized. I am not saying being disorganized is bad, I am saying ENFPs' weakness is INTJs' friend.

And when it comes to matters of love ENFPs are usually the aggressors, whereas INTJs are usually not the aggressors. And both these types have Fi. (Tertiary and secondary.) So an INTJ would gladly run everything else whereas the ENFP would guide the INTJs in the areas of romance, love, bonding etc. And like I said above: INTJs are usually terrible at attraction.

So I think because of the above reasons they compliment each other very well. However, it is the INTJ who does most of the needed parts of a long term relationships and they could compliment and strongly bond with ANY type as well as they do so with ENFPs.

ENFPs on the otherhand aren't so much compatible with most types. I also believe they are awesome short term lovers and are terrible long term lovers.

INTJ-ENFP relationships - ENFP gains, INTJ gives.

 

[baccheion]

From what I've read, INFPs are a better match. With ENFPs you run the chance of entering supervisory relations, and those aren't very pleasant. I've heard of some INTJ+ENFP pairings working out, but what I usually hear is that they're both miserable. INTJs tend to go well with ENTPs for business/friendship and either INFPs or ENFJs in relationships.

 

[lulabelle]

From what I've read, INFPs are a better match. With ENFPs you run the chance of entering supervisory relations, and those aren't very pleasant. I've heard of some INTJ+ENFP pairings working out, but what I usually hear is that they're both miserable. INTJs tend to go well with ENTPs for business/friendship and either INFPs or ENFJs in relationships.

idk about that. honestly i mainly hear INTJs bitch about INFPs... even the INTJs who like INFPs describe relationships with INFPs as 'double gravity' due to the heavy Fi i presume + very difficult to make work. i hear mainly glowing things about the INTJ-ENFP pair. on the INTJ and ENFP reddit subs, the respective types are ALL OVER them. there are a lot of ENFP-INTJ marriages that seem very happy. it's a soulmate pairing. INFPs don't have that match... the soulmate pairings are ENFP-INTJ and ENTP-INFJ.

so i would have to say that ENFPs are generally considered a better match.

can INFPs stop making threads where it's basically asking INTJs to put us down? LOL. whenever we're being compared with ENFPs we never win

 

[lulabelle]

How are INFPs more "flaky"? I would think that they reveal less but would be as flaky as an ENFP if people knew more about it, because INFPs keep more to themselves.

I would also like to mention that INTJs tend to end up with INFPs rather than ENFPs. I think [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] made a good point.

I just find it ironic that these theorists from the books, most of them end up with their socionics ideal partner. Either them or their parents do.

that's interesting you say more INFPs end up with INTJs than ENFPs... i've seen the opposite. there are definitely wayyyy more ENFP-INTJ partnerships out there, just from perusing reddit and various MBTI forums. no question.

 

[lulabelle]

Where has this thread been hiding? (Ahhhh.... I see it was just moved to the NF Forum due to topic "derailment".)

Answer to the OP: Before I dive in and read this thread (which interests me greatly) I have to give my answer to the OP's question: ENFP. Hands down. Not even close. ENFP is totally perfect for INTJs. INFPs are, in general, a terrible idea as an INTJ mate.

OK. Now I'll go back and read the rest of this thread before posting a more complete answer.

who do you think is a good match for the INFP then?

 

[OrangeAppled]

You mean they are consistently flaky and thus more reliable?

Well.... predictably flaky? Sure

But I'm referring to demeanor. I guess the simple explanation is that INFPs tend to be moodier and vacillate between hot & cold more when interacting, whereas ENFPs are in warm mode most of the time. This is likely due to introversion, as often I am not consciously being cool, just lost in thought.

 

[senza tema]

lol. trust the intjs to slyly drum up an artificial bidding war that greatly inflates their value, where they get to just sit back and let the competition weed each other out with a bare minimum of effort. I gotta respect how fantastically effective and hilarious it is though.

Personally, I'll stick with my Te doms, tyvm. Don't want to jump through hoops and shit tests to prove my worth.

 

[chubber]

Well.... predictably flaky? Sure

But I'm referring to demeanor. I guess the simple explanation is that INFPs tend to be moodier and vacillate between hot & cold more when interacting, whereas ENFPs are in warm mode most of the time. This is likely due to introversion, as often I am not consciously being cool, just lost in thought.

Warm mode like a frying pan?

 

[senza tema]

Also, the REAL answer to this question would probably be resolved by figuring out who gives better head.

/inferior Se

EDIT: OK, I'm done with my hissy fit and wanted to say that as an Fi dom, INxJs often confuse and sometimes repel me .... so I personally would not be a good mate for them, even though I do often find them intriguing. If the other INFPs want to jump on that bandwagon and make it work though, more power to them.

I do think ENFPs are a better match for INTJs on the whole. Their temperaments are vastly more compatible ... if you ask me.

 

[lulabelle]

Also, the REAL answer to this question would probably be resolved by figuring out who gives better head.

/inferior Se

EDIT: OK, I'm done with my hissy fit and wanted to say that as an Fi dom, INxJs often confuse and sometimes repel me .... so I personally would not be a good mate for them, even though I do often find them intriguing. If the other INFPs want to jump on that bandwagon and make it work though, more power to them.

I do think ENFPs are a better match for INTJs on the whole. Their temperaments are vastly more compatible ... if you ask me.

so who's a good match for the INFP?

 

[senza tema]

so who's a good match for the INFP?

Socionics says Te doms! Specifically ESTJs.

(The ENFP is not the INTJ's ideal match in socionics either ... that would be the ESFP. ENFPs apparently pair off best with ISTJs. Anyway, I do think there's something to the notion that P doms pair better with other P doms than with J doms. And vice versa. More mutual understanding that way.)

 

[Nijntje]

Niether. Find yourself a nice ESFP.

 

[senza tema]

Niether. Find yourself a nice ESFP.

But what about the NFPs???

 

[BadOctopus]

I like INFPs. They're more laid back and they crave less attention. ENFPs can be a lot of fun, but their high energy level and their need to be around people tend to wear me out.

 

[lulabelle]

Socionics says Te doms! Specifically ESTJs.

(The ENFP is not the INTJ's ideal match in socionics either ... that would be the ESFP. ENFPs apparently pair off best with ISTJs. Anyway, I do think there's something to the notion that P doms pair better with other P doms than with J doms. And vice versa. More mutual understanding that way.)

hmm... i can maybe see some INFP enneagram 9s with ESTJs (and even then i seem to hear of far more failed/failing INFP-ESTJ marriages than successful ones) but i need someone with strong iNtuition... i just don't know what to talk about with the ESTJs i know :/. it's boring. they don't appreciate what i appreciate. there's no common ground. there's no deeper understanding and appreciation of my 'weird' ideas, absurd humor and visions. also, i'm very introverted + honestly i don't think i could handle dating an extrovert