"Stop Cheering Me Up: Debbie Downer"

[Raffaella]

Is this the cure to ExFx plague?

lol... yes, it's inevitable!

Please tell me this is going to be real. Someday. Preferably tomorrow. I know people like this, they annoy the fuck out of me. I once unfriended a girl because she was like this, always acting happy about boring stuff with this scary smiley face of hers, she kinda looked like Overly Attached Girlfriend but without the sense of humor and with just a hint of caveman. During finals, she even posted this picture of her legs covered in a blanket stating 'Studying for blah blah under my sweet warm little blanket with a nice cup of cocoa with whipped cream #blessed'. I mean, I was stressed the fuck out, the tension even gave me this sick rash and it made me look too hideous to go out of the house, I just can't understand how one can act happy and cheery about finals! That was the exact moment when I hit that unfriend button, so glad I don't have to see her Neanderthal face again. Really, she's the type of person who would, if she ever went into labor, post a status update saying 'Giving birth underneath this cute little blanket with a nice cup of tea #lolcontractions #blessed'. Pretty sure she'd do that. If I'd go in labor, I won't post anything at all and if I'd have to post anything, it would be 'RIP my vagina #literally'.

It's making my blood boil just reading it. Do you ever think it's an act?

 

[five sounds]

ok, as a "happy person" let me just say that i do not try to cheer people up all the time. also, the kind of thing that comeback girl described crosses over into delusionally happy in my opinion. i think bad moods and funks are a natural part of the human emotion spectrum, and that some people need longer or more frequent stops there than others. i generally try to gauge people if i'm really feeling the urge to lighten the mood, and it's usually pretty obvious when someone isn't responding well to positivity.

i do know the people who literally won't let you be in a bad mood without pestering you, and that is annoying as hell.

 

[Comeback Girl]

It's making my blood boil just reading it. Do you ever think it's an act?

I'd hope so, but unfortunately I know it isn't! Some people even seem to think this behavior makes her awesome.

 

[EJCC]

ok, as a "happy person" let me just say that i do not try to cheer people up all the time. also, the kind of thing that comeback girl described crosses over into delusionally happy in my opinion. i think bad moods and funks are a natural part of the human emotion spectrum, and that some people need longer or more frequent stops there than others. i generally try to gauge people if i'm really feeling the urge to lighten the mood, and it's usually pretty obvious when someone isn't responding well to positivity.

i do know the people who literally won't let you be in a bad mood without pestering you, and that is annoying as hell.

^ This. Sometimes people just want empathy, or to be left alone -- but sometimes people want you to express empathy and then hope and then lighten the mood. There's always some trial and error when you're figuring out what someone wants/needs from the people in their lives, regarding support. It depends on the person, and it depends on their situation.

I have less trouble with slipping into the "look on the bright side" trap, and more trouble wanting to launch right into problem-solving. When I was a teenager, I was prone towards responding completely the opposite of what was appropriate, internally, when people would look to me for empathy -- the thought would be "you can't do anything about this now, but if you had talked to me BEFORE, I would have advised you not to do this and you would never have been in this situation". Sometimes I still have a hard time not getting into that mentality, but at least I know now (mostly from all the NFJs in my life) what is generally expected regarding empathy.

I can also think of a number of times when "look on the bright side" actually does help -- e.g. one of my friends was talking to me the other day about how she thought there were other people much more qualified than her regarding X task, and I suggested that she think about the things she WAS hired for, that the people who do X task well might not be good at at all. However, I'm totally with the OP and most folks in this thread re: how bad "look on the bright side" is most of the time.

 

[OrderOfTheCaelifera]

I prefer a mature 18 year old to bring my mood down a notch, they're better due to their lack of full bodied bitterness LOL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxv62qQTYmU

 

[grey_beard]

Please tell me this is going to be real. Someday. Preferably tomorrow. I know people like this, they annoy the fuck out of me. I once unfriended a girl because she was like this, always acting happy about boring stuff with this scary smiley face of hers, she kinda looked like Overly Attached Girlfriend but without the sense of humor and with just a hint of caveman. During finals, she even posted this picture of her legs covered in a blanket stating 'Studying for blah blah under my sweet warm little blanket with a nice cup of cocoa with whipped cream #blessed'. I mean, I was stressed the fuck out, the tension even gave me this sick rash and it made me look too hideous to go out of the house, I just can't understand how one can act happy and cheery about finals! That was the exact moment when I hit that unfriend button, so glad I don't have to see her Neanderthal face again. Really, she's the type of person who would, if she ever went into labor, post a status update saying 'Giving birth underneath this cute little blanket with a nice cup of tea #lolcontractions #blessed'. Pretty sure she'd do that. If I'd go in labor, I won't post anything at all and if I'd have to post anything, it would be 'RIP my vagina #literally'.

Reminds me of long ago in college I was in a high-pressure chemistry class where you were given all semester to do 10 labs, but they were complex and you were responsible for planning and pacing yourself.
On the last period of the semester, people were stressed out trying to finish off two or three labs at once (you were given a week or so after the lab closed to finish the write-ups, but all lab work had to be finished that day).

So in the midst of the chaos, someone suddenly sneezed. And a voice called out from the other end of the lab, "Curse you!" (...instead of "Bless you.")

The entire lab erupted in uproarious laughter, the tension temporarily broken.

 

[EJCC]

Reminds me of long ago in college I was in a high-pressure chemistry class where you were given all semester to do 10 labs, but they were complex and you were responsible for planning and pacing yourself.
On the last period of the semester, people were stressed out trying to finish off two or three labs at once (you were given a week or so after the lab closed to finish the write-ups, but all lab work had to be finished that day).

So in the midst of the chaos, someone suddenly sneezed. And a voice called out from the other end of the lab, "Curse you!" (...instead of "Bless you.")

The entire lab erupted in uproarious laughter, the tension temporarily broken.

That's fantastic.

 

[Serendipity]

[quote name="Comeback Girl" post=2332218]Please tell me this is going to be real. Someday. Preferably tomorrow. I know people like this, they annoy the fuck out of me. I once unfriended a girl because she was like this, always acting happy about boring stuff with this scary smiley face of hers, she kinda looked like Overly Attached Girlfriend but without the sense of humor and with just a hint of caveman. During finals, she even posted this picture of her legs covered in a blanket stating 'Studying for blah blah under my sweet warm little blanket with a nice cup of cocoa with whipped cream #blessed'. I mean, I was stressed the fuck out, the tension even gave me this sick rash and it made me look too hideous to go out of the house, I just can't understand how one can act happy and cheery about finals! That was the exact moment when I hit that unfriend button, so glad I don't have to see her Neanderthal face again. Really, she's the type of person who would, if she ever went into labor, post a status update saying 'Giving birth underneath this cute little blanket with a nice cup of tea #lolcontractions #blessed'. Pretty sure she'd do that. If I'd go in labor, I won't post anything at all and if I'd have to post anything, it would be 'RIP my vagina #literally'.[/QUOTE]



It's making my blood boil just reading it. Do you ever think it's an act?[/quote]

Of course it is an act! Just as any other role you've ever played, it gets stuck if it brings you a greater reward than others until it becomes a natural habit and something one can call authentic because "it just happens".

This angry derogatory act you both are pulling out of your ass is also a role, which obviously is within your framework of understanding your own rewardsystem.

I am not saying that you need to change. I don't fucking care. Just calling you on it.

 

[Thalassa]

I totally get this. I can think of lots of examples from my life but I'll try narrowing it down to one.

A few years ago I was starting a certain college class for something I find daunting, but that was theoretically right for my skill level. After a couple weeks I got a sinking feeling that I was in way over my head and had no idea what I was doing. When I expressed this concern to my friends, many of them said they knew I was smart and that they expected me to do just fine. Never mind that I don't have a track record of being smart or capable in that particular field. To put it mildly.

As the weeks went by my level of incomprehension steadily increased and I crashed and burned. And people were surprised and disappointed.

That's called being realistic. It's totally normal and healthy to be realistic. They're specifically talking about people who have low self-esteem.

 

[Thalassa]

I can see where this excerpt is coming from, but I can't fully agree to it.

Negative Validation (you done the best you could) is supportive by accepting the situation as is, where as Positive Affirmation (don't worry be happy), seems bubbly and pointing attention to the recipient by telling him/her to act more accordingly despite conditions.

I freely volunteer to comedically verbally abuse each and everyone of you.

 

[Thalassa]

Please tell me this is going to be real. Someday. Preferably tomorrow. I know people like this, they annoy the fuck out of me. I once unfriended a girl because she was like this, always acting happy about boring stuff with this scary smiley face of hers, she kinda looked like Overly Attached Girlfriend but without the sense of humor and with just a hint of caveman. During finals, she even posted this picture of her legs covered in a blanket stating 'Studying for blah blah under my sweet warm little blanket with a nice cup of cocoa with whipped cream #blessed'. I mean, I was stressed the fuck out, the tension even gave me this sick rash and it made me look too hideous to go out of the house, I just can't understand how one can act happy and cheery about finals! That was the exact moment when I hit that unfriend button, so glad I don't have to see her Neanderthal face again. Really, she's the type of person who would, if she ever went into labor, post a status update saying 'Giving birth underneath this cute little blanket with a nice cup of tea #lolcontractions #blessed'. Pretty sure she'd do that. If I'd go in labor, I won't post anything at all and if I'd have to post anything, it would be 'RIP my vagina #literally'.

Oh whatever welcome to Facebook. My ESFJ sister would give you the shits. As would every single yoga instructor I have ever had. Just wait until you're thirty something and all of your high school friends are trying to sell you on their perfect marriage, children and house. Deep down inside, they know my life is cooler than theirs.

 

[Thalassa]

lol... yes, it's inevitable!




It's making my blood boil just reading it. Do you ever think it's an act?

If that's making your blood boil you have anger problems. Yes, people have moods that you don't. Sometimes they are enjoying their fucking cocoa and blankets when you have a rash. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OP ...they're talking about cheering up people who have low self-esteem.

See aren't you charmed by my unpleasant nastiness.

 

[Raffaella]

If that's making your blood boil you have anger problems. Yes, people have moods that you don't. Sometimes they are enjoying their fucking cocoa and blankets when you have a rash. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OP ...they're talking about cheering up people who have low self-esteem.

See aren't you charmed by my unpleasant nastiness.

...what?

You're taking what I said far too seriously.

 

[SD45T-2]

That's called being realistic. It's totally normal and healthy to be realistic. They're specifically talking about people who have low self-esteem.

Being realistic is usually the reason I have low self esteem.

 

[Thalassa]

Being realistic is usually the reason I have low self esteem.

No that is being pessimistic. Realists are confident in their strengths and accepting of their weakness. Hating on your self for not being good at everything isn't realistic.

 

[Bush]

Sure. There's a sense that the "cheerer-upper" lacks empathy and/or a complete-enough understanding of the "debbie-downer"'s situation. From the latter's perspective, the former might even be trivializing the problem.

Same thing can happen with advice, especially where there's a useless abstraction/aggregation of what should be done. "You're depressed? I'd try simply not being depressed, if I were you. Problem solved." *wipes hands, walks away*