Enneagram 7s and feeling trapped in relationships

[valaki]

You want to eat somebody's pie, but know you shouldn't...

gotcha...

No... You want to eat the pie and the idea of "you shouldn't" doesn't ever occur to you.

 

[Avocado]

No... You want to eat the pie and the idea of "you shouldn't" doesn't ever occur to you.

I see. That would be Id, then?

I personally tend towards a more super-ego mindset. I have so many rules for myself and I hurt if I so much as bend one of them.

 

[valaki]

I see. That would be Id, then?

I personally tend towards a more super-ego mindset. I have so many rules for myself and I hurt if I so much as bend one of them.

To me that's Id, yes.

Aren't you Id type, that is, type 7? Or disintegrated into 1?

 

[Avocado]

To me that's Id, yes.

Aren't you Id type, that is, type 7? Or disintegrated into 1?

I wonder if I am disintergrated. I used to type as a 1, but everybody I HAVE EVER spoken to about enneagram says I am the poster child for the head triad...

 

[valaki]

I wonder if I am disintergrated. I used to type as a 1, but everybody I HAVE EVER spoken to about enneagram says I am the poster child for the head triad...

6 then maybe? Head type & penchant for rules though for a different reason than 1's

 

[FDG]

It's more like, Superego is what your brain tells you what you should do and Id is what your brain tells you what you want to do.

Yes, thus my definition was correct.

 

[HongDou]

Yes, thus my definition was correct.

Oh, I know. I was just clarifying for Magic.

 

[Avocado]

6 then maybe? Head type & penchant for rules though for a different reason than 1's

maybe. I've become more free with age, though, and I expect the trend to continue...
[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]

 

[Starry]

maybe. I've become more free with age, though, and I expect the trend to continue...

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]
[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]

What's the question? Do I think you're disintegrated?

 

[Avocado]

What's the question? Do I think you're disintegrated?

do you?

 

[Starry]

do you?

Yes, but so am I...and so is basically everyone I come into contact with. And it is often the people that have the appearance of health that I sense are the most troubled.

 

[Redbone]

What's the question? Do I think you're disintegrated?

Look at his avatar!!

 

[Starry]

Look at his avatar!!

haha. There may be a clue in there somewhere.

 

[HongDou]

Yes, but so am I...and so is basically everyone I come into contact with. And it is often the people that have the appearance of health that I sense are the most troubled.

Which category do I fall into? The disintegrated people you come into contact with or the people putting on the appearance of health?

 

[Starry]

Which category do I fall into? The disintegrated people you come into contact with or the people putting on the appearance of health?

You and Magic Qwan both give me the *warm fuzziness*… young ENFPs with more questions than the world has answers. Magic Qwan has connected with 5 while you are holding tight at 7 is the only difference I see. And for the both of you...the future is wide open.

I do not see you creating any false images. And so yes, you are one of the disintegrated

 

[Avocado]

You and Magic Qwan both give me the *warm fuzziness*… young ENFPs with more questions than the world has answers. Magic Qwan has connected with 5 while you are holding tight at 7 is the only difference I see. And for the both of you...the future is wide open.

I do not see you creating any false images. And so yes, you are one of the disintegrated

Thank you, starry! That warmed my soul.


Death is starting bother me less, as I have shifted my focus to the present. Focusing trillions of years in the future gets boring, anyway...

 

[valaki]

Yes, but so am I...and so is basically everyone I come into contact with. And it is often the people that have the appearance of health that I sense are the most troubled.

Wow, interesting take. I also feel pretty disintegrated myself, a lot. Have you even seen one really healthy person lol

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

As I get more comfortable with myself and being able to use w6 as a tool rather than a insecurity, I always am thinking I can get something better but feel stupid for thinking so. at this point in my life, relationships might be a good tool for actually testing out my ability to care about others more. I just don't want to hurt them in the process. Relationships in the past have been pretty obsessive on both ends. Very controlling of each other, and that is not like myself at all, so obviously the two relationships were a MESS. Then my struggle was proving to my partner I could be whatever they wanted (non emotional maturity and insecurity) But now I've obviously grown and matured and i'm happy I have, I now deal with a new problem. I just don't want to get attached but I do at the same time. My mind is constantly switching depending on my mood and I keep on telling myself to just lay off relationships, but some how I have a lot of options for relationships at the moment. Genuinely good people I DIDN'T CHASE. it's a very odd feeling.

 

[Starry]

Focusing trillions of years in the future gets boring, anyway...

I will say the above is quite the departure from my dad's "who's going to give a shit a hundred years from now?" I <3 old school INTJs.

Wow, interesting take. I also feel pretty disintegrated myself, a lot. Have you even seen one really healthy person lol

I was in the same room once with the Dalai Lama...
I appreciate this question because it caused me to think even more about something that has bothered me...that has consumed a great deal of my thoughts for some time now.

Not so long ago an INFJ member here put something to words for me and I have felt relieved and grateful ever since (I don't know why I couldn't do this for myself...? but no matter what I did I couldn't get words assigned to this impression.) That what I primarily see around me on a daily basis are people that "mistake comfortable, uneventful circumstance...for good mental and emotional health and wellbeing." <-And while I am not discounting the role each individual plays in their own comfortable, uneventful circumstance... 'circumstance' and 'integration' are two completely separate entities.

I'm reminded of this DVD set I checked out from the library. I have no recollection as to what I had thought it was going to be....but whatever I had imagined at the time...that was not it. Still, it ended up being the perfect thing for me to see in order to make me feel even more alien and completely alone in my thinking than I had prior. The content was this new-agey, self-help woman... I don't remember her name. And I couldn't tell you how well-known she is today and so I ask forgiveness if what I say immediately identifies her to someone she's helped in a significant way. This individual clearly had/has good intentions.

The first DVD was dedicated to her sharing her life story...the tragedies and sorrows that eventually led her down the path towards her now claimed *spiritual awakening.* And I can sum-up the rest of her self-help message by saying... 'See, I've had it rough...but if I can do it...anyone can!' Part of what led me down the path of feeling totally alienated... was merely the simple fact that I had more tragedies last week than she has had in the whole of her existence... and she's got a good 20 years on me. Her primary hardship was having married a jet-setting billionaire at a young age and feeling trapped in what was for her an unhappy union. Once divorced her upward climb began.

What's weird though is she never mentioned when recounting her struggle how much easier spiritual-journeying probably is... when you can dedicate all of your time to it because you don't have to work. When you live in a penthouse apt. in New York city and you've got a fat alimony check coming in every month. When you have your own personal nutritionist, yoga coach and acupuncturist. When you can travel to all the 'spiritual hot-spots' and consult with every known guru. When you have no children and can afford the 80 lbs of fruits and vegetables it takes to make one glass of juice for your total body cleanse. <-WTF? Who misses this? Who doesn't make this connection? Who gives themselves all the credit for their successes when...? A lot of people. How in the hell can I take this individual's self-help advice as realistic, reasonable, effective...? See, what I want to know is how *integrated* would she be today if she had none of it... How integrated would she be if tomorrow it was all taken away... ???

I have speculated that integration on earth is not possible. I have certainly met people that are strong, enlightened, righteous, just, good <-but I personally have never met an individual that I believe was sustainably so (except for maybe the Dalai Lama like I said. I think he could perhaps handle whatever was thrown his way .) I have never met an individual that wasn't making use of some form of denial, compartmentalization, rationalization, blame, escape, etc. It is only the people that are aware of this and admit it openly that I care to take my self-help tips from.

 

[Avocado]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]

Cool that you met the dalai lama!

I still use your dad's advice for some things, but I also try to cherish my pleasures and meanings now, and not worry about losing them someday...