That's something interesting - I guess it had never occurred to me that Fi users didn't realize that redirection is assumed and welcomed. Would verbalizing that out loud be helpful (in addition to trying to direct less?)
Yeah, definitely! And just trying to notch it back a little both in terms of intensity and speed to let us have time/space to think. The ideas themselves are often helpful but it's a hard process for us to engage with, it seems, since it works in a different "direction" than we're used to.
My ESFJ mom tends to do it to the point where I just am like "Mom that sounds great, I'll definitely try that!" and then gently change the subject because she gets so into her idea of how things should go that it's really hard for me to figure out how to voice how and why that's not what I want to do without making it sound like I don't appreciate her ideas. Which, [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION], if you could recommend any good suggestions for how to redirect without being unfriendly, that would be fantastic! Though of course sometimes Mom comes up with the PERFECT solution, and she's very helpful overall. It's also fallout of her being a 2 and getting a lot of satisfaction out of fixing others' problems, not just a Fe thing, I think.
I also eventually spoke to my ISFJ about not speaking in directives at me, because it felt like I was being ordered around, and he explained that it was his way of giving me suggestions. He still does it, though less forcefully now, and since I understand what he's doing it's so much easier for me to take them as ideas and recommendations instead of him pushing me to do things.
In reflection, the whole kind of thing is really silly because I
like being in line with their directives - it gives me satisfaction to have my mom or boyfriend recommend something to me and me follow through with it and have it improve my life. For one, of course, it makes it less stressful for me since I didn't have to come up with that idea, and two, it makes me feel cared for and like they understand me. I assume that's how Fe is
supposed to work, but it just takes a little mutual understanding, I think, to be able for it to translate readily across Fe-Fi lines
I'm not sure about what to do with that, as I know Fi users don't like Fe "nudges" and they also don't want to be told a prescribed thing to do, as it would be inauthentic, yet I've heard many express that it seems like there is a handbook somewhere that they failed to receive and they would like to be told what is expected.
I think the difference might be in part that FPs tend to lay out information as their way of helping. I totally empathize with wanting a handbook. I do too. But not really a handbook of directions, but one of information. If I know enough information, then I can decide what to do based on my Fi framework. I think the problem with Fe directives coming at the Fi framework is that JiPe has to sort out the Pe information and then run it through the Ji filter. We're can't just take the JePi and see the Pi and reflect back Je like another Fe dom/aux could because it's in a different "language" than what we're used to. If we're just expected to act according to JePi, not only do we feel forced, since we haven't had the opportunity to make our own Ji judgment, but we also
don't understand because we didn't get any Pe info, either.
My ESFJ mom is actually pretty good at translating for me. For example, we were recently invited to a charity event. She said, "I was thinking you could wear your green dress", which instantly puts the image in my head of my floor-length, high-neck, sleeveless green gown. That tells me a wealth of P information: fancy but not ultra-fancy, a little modest but not restrictively so, night clothes. Very useful, because I could take that raw "green dress" information right into Pe and Ji. I am still prone to thinking that means she wants me to wear that dress specifically - Si fail ahoy - but in that case I ended up wearing an ivory lace top and dark blue linen skirt and mom told me she loved my outfit. And I did have to fall back on my own Pi, which is trickier for me to use.
Alternatively, it would have been easier and more natural to me to just be given the event invitation. Then I would see that it's on heavy paper, color printed, upscale restaurant, nighttime event, silent auction, and so on, and dress according to all those Pe cues.
So my suggestion would be just to provide an FP with background information that would help them understand the nature of a situation. An NFP, at least.