GUYS, I need help typing my manfriend!

[The WhimWham]

My only observation, above what others have said, is that the linked-to painting screams classic IN_P whimsy to me -- just more fanciful than I'd expect from IN_Js typically.

 

[Hotherym]

I know my dad was an INTJ artist, and I'm an INFJ artist, and my other friend has always had an affinity for art, so I'm not sure that a lack of art would necessarily suggest Perceiving. Consider the Se function, which is what makes me tick as artist. But then, I don't know a lot of IN_Js to compare to right now.

Lunar, those are some really interesting points. I actually forgot to add he's always seemed more extraverted than me, and I've actually entertained the thought he's extraverted. He's always fantasized a lot, but so has my ENXP brother, who is very extraverted.

Hmm...damn it, it's getting too interesting!

 

[Carebear]

--He buries emotions immediately, sometimes to have them explode when he's under stress

I don't think this is INFP trait necessarily.

Not necessarily, but it's quite common and described in several INFP profiles.

 

[Jogi]

I personally have to say thanks for all the responses, they've helped me out a lot.

I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and I would say that I've pretty much narrowed it down to either INFP or ENFJ. INFJ and ENFP are possibilities but from what I've read and understand don't quite fit as much.

I'd say I'm definitely intuitive rather than sensor, I generally see all kinds of possibilities far into the future. The only problem is that I've always used it to reinforce fears or anxieties (because that's what I've mostly felt in my life). I do this for everything. For example, sitting on the bus with a heavy backpack beside me, I start to actually worry about and calculate all of the different problems I'm going to face putting on the backpack and standing up while the bus is moving 5 minutes before it even arrives at my stop. Stuff like, what if I hit someone with it while I'm swinging it on? what if I trip and fall over while it's moving? what if I struggle with it and embarrass myself? and even, what if I can't do it in time and the bus takes off before I can get to the door? It's pretty crazy, and I've often been rendered totally frozen in situations due to these swirling worries, especially with powerful things like sex.

So that eliminates those. I'm also most definitely a feeler, and am actually pretty terrible at ration and problem solving; in order to understand and remember math I must understand the underlying concepts and what the symbols mean. I find that my thoughts generally fragment into pieces when I try to concentrate on them, and skip and jump around my head like mischievous little fauns. My emotions, however, are constant and extremely obvious to anyone, even just with my facial expressions. I can't hide things like that.

So all that's left is INFP, INFJ, ENFP and ENFJ. I've been reading about them but I haven't been able to place myself. I actually don't know if I'm extroverted or introverted, though I would either be a mildly expressed or repressed one of the former. I know that INFJ and ENFP both have dominant intuition and secondary feeling, while ENFJ and INFP have dominant feeling and secondary intuition, which is what led me to believe that those are the most likely. I definitely feel like my feelings and emotions are a constant, and I've had problems with either not using my intuition or using it simply to 'serve' my feeling (like I described above). I don't rule out the other two options, but I feel pretty strongly like ENFJ and INFP are most likely.

I guess that leaves the deciding factors to be whether I have extroverted intuition and introverted feeling or vice versa, and whether I am extroverted/introverted and perceiver/judger. This is where I have trouble, because I don't know how I function well enough to be able to really place this. I honestly can't tell the difference between introverted/extroverted feeling/intuition, best I can tell I've experienced all four. Perceiving and judging, well, sometimes I think I try too hard to be a judger and work better being a perceiver, but other times it just feels like it's the way I am. I certainly value organization and control, and tend to get very anxious if either of those things are compromised (as you can see in the way I structured the break-down in this post). However, being more loose is something which definitely helps me a lot, though I may just be confusing that for not being so rigid and anxious.

Introverted and Extroverted is where I get really stumped. There's no doubt I've lead an introverted life, but I'm starting to think that that may have been a cause of some of my unhealthiness (anxiety, dark thoughts, neurosis). I just haven't really experimented with being with people enough, I don't think, though now that I mention I do tend to remember at least a few times when being with a small group of friends would invigorate and inspire me. Though that could be for a few reasons. Hmm...

Anyway, again I go on and on. Hah-hah.

 

[Hotherym]

Well, that was certainly informative. What actually confuses me is what is 'sensor' about people. I know that being detail-oriented and in-the-moment is a key factor, but how can you truly notice that about someone?

 

[sciski]

I'd say I'm definitely intuitive rather than sensor, I generally see all kinds of possibilities far into the future. The only problem is that I've always used it to reinforce fears or anxieties (because that's what I've mostly felt in my life). I do this for everything.

Jogi, would you say that N is a negative thing for you?

My mother is like this. She uses Ni but it's not a good thing for her. It makes her anxious. This was the clue showing why she was ISFJ rather than INFJ. She feels much better when things have been planned and settled - at that point, she relaxes and becomes spontaneous.

To my own understanding, your dominant function (the 'hero' function) should be a positive thing for you, unless it begins to dominate you/others completely. Even if it starts dominating you, I think it will express in an overbearing way rather than a fearful way - the hero intoxicated on his own grandeur and becoming a tyrant, rather than beset by fears that he is doing the wrong thing and thus not acting at all (so he isn't a hero).

For instance - INFP's DomFi starts setting like cement and they're unwilling to compromise or consider alternative viewpoints. But it's overbearing in flavour, rather than underbearing...

I guess the question, for those who are sure of their type, is what happens when Ni/Ne becomes domineering? Does it express as Jogi has described? And because it seems relevant here - how about Fe?

 

[Carebear]

Ni becomes paranoid and rigid, out of touch with reality.
Ne becomes too open for anything, afraid of any commitments and adaptable beyond what's healthy.
Fi becomes extremely self protective, in denial and self centered. (That's not so say you won't want to help others, quite the contrary, but you do it in order to avoid attacks and to "outdo" anyone in kindness.)
Fe becomes manipulative and wants to vent and collect sympathy.

 

[Jogi]

sciski:That's a really good point. I hadn't considered that before, but I don't think that's the case with me. It pretty much depends on my mood, so if I'm in an anxious mood I'll start to see all the bad possibilities, while if I'm in a better mood I may see the good ones. Furthermore, I use it to defend my values or viewpoints, so if someone brings up something which I find challenges either of those, I can immediately see all of the possibilities for how I'm RIGHT, but conveniently miss the ones that may disprove or oppose me.

Plus, I think I'm either INFP or ENFJ, both of which have dominant feeling, and I'm pretty sure that feeling is what dominates my mind generally. Out of what you posted, Carebear, I'd have to say I'm most like a dominant Fi or Ni. Which doesn't say much for which type I am, I guess.

I did realize that I'm more strongly introverted sensor than extroverted sensor, though. I tend to have a strong visual and sensory memory, and can play images and movies in my head with precision. I also have strong associations, especially with visuals and smells, but any sense can do it. Something even slightly relating to a very bad memory can trigger anxiety all over again. I'm not much for being in the moment and indulgent in sensations.

But on the flip side, I would say I tend to be more of a introverted intuitor than an extroverted one. I'm actually not that hot at piecing together connections and problem solving, though that could easily be blamed on my just not honing it and having enough practice with it all my life (been pretty shut in all the time). I do tend to withdraw into a strange and surreal life in my head, though, filled with bizarre connections and fragments of twisted reality. Sometimes this carries over into real life, for example I was sitting on the bus yesterday and looking at the city skyline, and I had an overpowering feeling of being extremely small, like a tiny character in a miniature set up, except on an even larger scale, like truly understanding the relation between the size of the planet and the rest of the universe.

This thread feel self indulgent somehow.

 

[Hotherym]

See, that Fe that I see with the twisted tidbits of Ni and quite a bit of Si had me leaning toward ISFJ for Jogi, even quite a while ago.

In fact, first time Jogi took the online Humanmetrics test many months ago he scored as XSFJ. I read up on ISFJ just after and thought it fit him perfectly. Now I don't know what to think.

 

[Carebear]

Nah, it's pretty clear he's more N than S. Personally I'm leaning towards INFJ or INFP, but not a heavily introverted version of either.

sciski:That's a really good point. I hadn't considered that before, but I don't think that's the case with me. It pretty much depends on my mood, so if I'm in an anxious mood I'll start to see all the bad possibilities, while if I'm in a better mood I may see the good ones. Furthermore, I use it to defend my values or viewpoints, so if someone brings up something which I find challenges either of those, I can immediately see all of the possibilities for how I'm RIGHT, but conveniently miss the ones that may disprove or oppose me.

This could be both NFP and NFJ, but stressed NFPs normally see all the possibilities for how they're wrong as well, since Ne is better at gathering all possibilities from the outside, while Ni tends to be more influenced by pre-existing convictions. That said, Fi can be a master of limiting Ne and denying and ignoring anything negative Ne comes up with, so it's not really conclusive in either direction.

Plus, I think I'm either INFP or ENFJ, both of which have dominant feeling, and I'm pretty sure that feeling is what dominates my mind generally.

Don't underestimate how much feelings can dominate INFJs. Even if Ni is dominant, Fe can have a party in an INFJ. Especially since Ni is introverted, so an INFJs primary way of dealing with the outside world will be Fe. It's also the INFJs strongest judging function, meaning that even if their Ni is stronger, Fe calls the shots. It will be less visible to outsiders than if you're ENFJ, but internally INFJs can be emotional nerveballs. Ni setting up unrealistic expectations of how the world ought to be, Fe getting repeatedly disappointed and depressed by the world and yourself not living up to the ideal.

Out of what you posted, Carebear, I'd have to say I'm most like a dominant Fi or Ni. Which doesn't say much for which type I am, I guess.

It hints at INFP/INFJ instead of INFP/ENFJ.

I did realize that I'm more strongly introverted sensor than extroverted sensor, though. I tend to have a strong visual and sensory memory, and can play images and movies in my head with precision. I also have strong associations, especially with visuals and smells, but any sense can do it. Something even slightly relating to a very bad memory can trigger anxiety all over again. I'm not much for being in the moment and indulgent in sensations.

Typically INFJs are less in the moment than INFPs, since Ni is less here and now focused, while Ne keeps monitoring the here and now to get new input. Still not conclusive though, as there are plenty of exceptions to the rule on both sides.

But on the flip side, I would say I tend to be more of a introverted intuitor than an extroverted one. I'm actually not that hot at piecing together connections and problem solving, though that could easily be blamed on my just not honing it and having enough practice with it all my life (been pretty shut in all the time). I do tend to withdraw into a strange and surreal life in my head, though, filled with bizarre connections and fragments of twisted reality. Sometimes this carries over into real life, for example I was sitting on the bus yesterday and looking at the city skyline, and I had an overpowering feeling of being extremely small, like a tiny character in a miniature set up, except on an even larger scale, like truly understanding the relation between the size of the planet and the rest of the universe.

The first part hints at Ni instead of Ne, while the second part is something I think both Ne and Ni can experience.

This thread feel self indulgent somehow.

That's the human condition. We're all primarily interested in ourselves and how things affect us. The question is: Are you using Ni and Fe to be self indulgent or Fi and Ne. I have problems telling. Your openness is more typical of INFPs, Fi accepting some openness in order to get Ne input, INFJs tend to be more guarded, but then again this is an anonymous internet board, so I guess an INFJs could afford to be pretty open here too. The openness fits well with ENFJ too. ENFJs prefer to open up in order to get others to do the same.

INFJ or INFP? a closer look is a great site to decide in you're NFP or NFJ. It goes into detail on the differences between Fe and Fi, has a section about ENFPs and ENFJs who believe they're INFP or INFJ, and generally lays out a lot of the differences between the NFs. Takes a while to read all the important pages there, but well worth it.

 

[Skittles]

Hmm.. he reminds myself of me when I was younger and more INFPish, I was also kinda messed up as a kid. My family's mostly S and my mom's a reaaaally overbearing ESFJ.. but then the description of him is 90% like an INFJ friend of mine. The whole "vision of doom" thing is what my ISFJ GF does ALLLLL the time.. so I don't know if INFP's or INFJ's are more likely to have those?

 

[Jogi]

Sorry about the delay in replying. I really appreciate everyone's help.

This could be both NFP and NFJ, but stressed NFPs normally see all the possibilities for how they're wrong as well, since Ne is better at gathering all possibilities from the outside, while Ni tends to be more influenced by pre-existing convictions. That said, Fi can be a master of limiting Ne and denying and ignoring anything negative Ne comes up with, so it's not really conclusive in either direction.

Generally, I find that if I am presented with something disagreeable, like a stressful idea or thought, I will immediately KNOW the truth behind it, and all of the possibilities, yet I often immediately deny it DUE to the stress it gives me. To me that seems more like Fi inhibiting Ne.

It will be less visible to outsiders than if you're ENFJ, but internally INFJs can be emotional nerveballs. Ni setting up unrealistic expectations of how the world ought to be, Fe getting repeatedly disappointed and depressed by the world and yourself not living up to the ideal.

Hmm, I definitely relate to that. I often do have ideals which I get disappointed about, and generally I am an excessively huge ball of nerves, constantly worrying about things which might happen and which I might not be doing well and never living in the moment and enjoying things (well, rarely).

Thanks a lot for the link, that's a page I saw ages ago but totally forgot about. It looks like a great help.

 

[Carebear]

Sorry about the delay in replying. I really appreciate everyone's help.

Meh. No worries. It pops directly up on the New Subscribed Threads when you post, and everyone forgets about the thread in the mean time, so a delay is never an issue.

Generally, I find that if I am presented with something disagreeable, like a stressful idea or thought, I will immediately KNOW the truth behind it, and all of the possibilities, yet I often immediately deny it DUE to the stress it gives me. To me that seems more like Fi inhibiting Ne.

Yes, definitely.

Hmm, I definitely relate to that. I often do have ideals which I get disappointed about, and generally I am an excessively huge ball of nerves, constantly worrying about things which might happen and which I might not be doing well and never living in the moment and enjoying things (well, rarely).

So we're back to square one. Probably INFJ or INFP.

Thanks a lot for the link, that's a page I saw ages ago but totally forgot about. It looks like a great help.

It'll be very interesting to see which you end up on. I guess it's possible that you're high on both Ne, Ni, Fe and Fi, but you're probably more one type than the other still. Take your time and please post if you come to a conclusion. I'm curious.

 

[Hotherym]

Seriously, I can't tell what'n'hell he is at this point. Definitely between those two, and worse yet, shows a frustratingly equal amount of both outwardly.

I remember ready Vicky Jo's INFP/INFJ site, and I've tried to type him more based on his communication style. I could be wrong, but what I have noticed is he's about equal now; when he's confident and feeling ok, he's bossy and directing, but when he's stressed and anxious, he's informing all over the place. That doesn't tell me much at this point. I know that, for me, I'm directing unless I know I have to force myself to be informing to 'appease'.

So that...really settles that!

As for INFJs being anxious wrecks? Haven't known one that wasn't. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack yet, my friend of 15 years still can't let bad future possibilities go, and the local INFJ here in town has panic attacks and break downs under stress quite often.

YEAH! Love it. I'm starting to think that's just the condition of the species, but my INTP guy friend is about as anxious as a sloth on Quaaludes.

ONE QUESTION: is it more likely for INFPs to be 'spacey' as opposed to INFJs? The INFJs (including myself) I know aren't terribly spacey people. The couple of INFPs I've known are/have been. Just a coincidence, or a common associated feature?

He's very spacey.

 

[Carebear]

Seriously, I can't tell what'n'hell he is at this point. Definitely between those two, and worse yet, shows a frustratingly equal amount of both outwardly.

That makes it impossible for anyone but himself to conclusively type him. The two types can look very similar outwardly sometimes, and the type descriptions can look very similar, but they should be fundamentally different in how they operate internally.

I remember ready Vicky Jo's INFP/INFJ site, and I've tried to type him more based on his communication style. I could be wrong, but what I have noticed is he's about equal now; when he's confident and feeling ok, he's bossy and directing, but when he's stressed and anxious, he's informing all over the place. That doesn't tell me much at this point. I know that, for me, I'm directing unless I know I have to force myself to be informing to 'appease'.

Hm... yes, communication style is a typical tell, but I've met obvious INFPs who were rather bossy and directing in style, both when confident and when anxious, and INFJs who were masters of informing (though there was a clear "bossyness" about their style when confident.)

So that...really settles that!

As for INFJs being anxious wrecks? Haven't known one that wasn't. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack yet, my friend of 15 years still can't let bad future possibilities go, and the local INFJ here in town has panic attacks and break downs under stress quite often.

It seems like INFJs suffer more from this tendency than most types yes (ISFJs can be close sometimes). A prey mentality, kind of like a rabbit, constantly sniffing the metaphorical air, ready to react on the spot to any possible threat. INFPs can be very anxious and do this too, but never on a stress scale close to what an INFJ can manage. And the strange thing is INFJs can handle it extremely well (seemingly at least). Pushing themselves through extreme periods of stress on pure will where an INFP in a similar situation would probably give up. (Of course much of the extreme stress is internal and does not really reflect reality, but it's still a feat.) Because of this willpower an INFJ in stress will probably listen less to their body than an INFP and hit the wall and suffer anxious breakdowns more often.

YEAH! Love it. I'm starting to think that's just the condition of the species, but my INTP guy friend is about as anxious as a sloth on Quaaludes.

INTPs have their share of anxiety too, but rarely show it.

ONE QUESTION: is it more likely for INFPs to be 'spacey' as opposed to INFJs? The INFJs (including myself) I know aren't terribly spacey people. The couple of INFPs I've known are/have been. Just a coincidence, or a common associated feature?

He's very spacey.

Definitely more likely for an INFP to be spacey. Less structured, more Ne. Both types can get lost in their own worlds, but INFPs more so than INFJs.

 

[Mort Belfry]

--He places himself before anyone else, often to the point of neglecting his own needs.

How does placing himself in front of others neglect his needs? I don't get that one.

Do you mean like he gets so wrapped up in himself that he forgets that there are people out there that will sell him groceries and he'll start starving himself because of his own vanity?

Because if that is what you meant - it's meaning is a little convuluted to be carried within your message. I'm amazed I extracted it.

 

[Wolf]

Strike that.

Too confusing to type. Doesn't really fit any.


Mental illness?

 

[Jogi]

Mental illness?

Hey!


Mort Belfry: No, not quite. More like I will get so obsessed about making, say, Hotherym, feel better, even on the phone, that I will end up staying awake until 6 (or later) in the morning and totally neglecting my need to sleep, eat or even drink water. It feels like I create these obsessions and will try and achieve them until I basically drop. I can do that with other things too, but not really the same scale, because I take helping people in situations like that much more seriously than anything else, really.

 

[Mort Belfry]

Hey!


Mort Belfry: No, not quite. More like I will get so obsessed about making, say, Hotherym, feel better, even on the phone, that I will end up staying awake until 6 (or later) in the morning and totally neglecting my need to sleep, eat or even drink water. It feels like I create these obsessions and will try and achieve them until I basically drop. I can do that with other things too, but not really the same scale, because I take helping people in situations like that much more seriously than anything else, really.

That sounds more like you're putting others before yourself, not yourself before others.

 

[Hotherym]

I worded that a bit bizarrely, but basically he puts others before himself for his own odd insecurities. For a better explanation, see what he said. I meant much more that he places others before himself, but I was also trying to explain why, and in my hurry muddied the whole thing.

As for mental illness, I really don't think so right now. At least not more than most people I meet. Besides, I'm sure you can type many people with mental problems, of which there is certainly no shortage.