[INTJ] Confused by INTJ sexual advances

[yupyupyup]

-

 

[Within]

I've seen this once before. I believe that the INTJ felt led on and eventually acquired a sense of ownership of his person of interest.

Let me refrase, I've seen it once and experienced it once. Even though I wasn't all that direct myself.

 

[Thalassa]

I've seen all kinds of odd behavior from INTJ males. Let's see...I dated one who I instantly had a connection with, then he pulled away because he decided he couldn't trust me, something something about monogamy, and I really liked him and wanted that, but apparently he thought I was too much of an obnoxious flirt or something, like didn't even give me a chance to explain, just presumed that his paranoid bullshit assumptions were correct, and his intuition must have been WAAAY off because I was really into him.

Then I had a professor who I had a really intense connection with mentally, but he was married and he kind of flirted with me, and I pulled away even though I had a crush on him, and he responded appropriately. Then again he was like 38 years old so probably the most mature INTJ I've ever encountered so I frankly consider his behavior the most "normal" out of all of them.

Hmmm...then one who flirted with me HEAVILY and even seemed to be encouraging me to move to live closer to him, then suddenly pulled away sharply after several months of this like a fucking weirdo.

Finally, I had an INTJ come on way too strong after knowing him less than 24 hours, I mean I can get hardcore crushes on people fast, but his level of crazy actually scared me, and that's hard to do. I can easily fall in love with someone after a few weeks or months, but if you're attached to someone and being pushy after one day, you're obviously PROJECTING.

Sometimes I seriously think I should stick with sensing feelers. However, ENTJs are also easier to understand.

 

[Nicodemus]

This INTJ initiated to hangout, I'm an INTP. I felt extremely connected to him. I had never met anyone so similar to me or someone I could talk to so easily. I felt like our connection was really obvious. We talked for hours and he seemed polite and genuine.. but then he made sexual advances which I turned away. he was extremely direct about it and somewhat persistent with his small gestures like touching my leg, even after I clearly told him it was not going to happen. We even discussed why I didnt like hookups and he said he just saw it as an 'animal instinct'. The situation just really confused me because I found him to be so kind and that we had a high intellectual compatibility. I understand that he's a guy who likes sex..nothing complicated about that. But my question is considering this incident does he even genuinely like me or have real feelings towards me? I feel such a strong connection that I know he notices too, but I don't even know if he cares. Was this purely a hookup to him?

If he talks to you for hours in a manner that makes you think that there is a connection and that the conversation is of high quality, then I think it likely that he will find it to be something similar. If that is so, his interest in you will not be solely sexual. We very much appreciate intelligent conversation. It may still be that he intends to use you only for a) good conversations and b) sex, of course. But it is hard to tell what is the case.

 

[Anew Leaf]

This INTJ initiated to hangout, I'm an INTP. I felt extremely connected to him. I had never met anyone so similar to me or someone I could talk to so easily. I felt like our connection was really obvious. We talked for hours and he seemed polite and genuine.. but then he made sexual advances which I turned away. he was extremely direct about it and somewhat persistent with his small gestures like touching my leg, even after I clearly told him it was not going to happen. We even discussed why I didnt like hookups and he said he just saw it as an 'animal instinct'. The situation just really confused me because I found him to be so kind and that we had a high intellectual compatibility. I understand that he's a guy who likes sex..nothing complicated about that. But my question is considering this incident does he even genuinely like me or have real feelings towards me? I feel such a strong connection that I know he notices too, but I don't even know if he cares. Was this purely a hookup to him?

I am not sure what age range you are in... but from my experience with INTJs (both dating and friendships) they tend to only engage in this kind of behavior if they are really into that person and it is genuine. They are very efficient types who want things to be done with as little energy expended as necessary.

I think what he might have meant by the animal instinct thing.... was not that he wanted to engage in that kind of hijinks with you per se... but more of a commentary on what "hook-ups" are in a distilled down essence.

I find INTJs handle and appreciate directness very much. If you are interested in a relationship, I would suggest telling him that. "Hey, I really enjoy our talks together... and I would enjoy getting to know you more and seeing where this might lead."

Grain of Salt: I am an NF .

 

[JocktheMotie]

Don't worry, he probably is too.

 

[Scorquendo]

>I understand that he's a guy who likes sex..nothing complicated about that.

All guys like sex. INTPs especially, but the irony is that we're probably the least capable of the types in getting it

 

[Lark]

I am not sure what age range you are in... but from my experience with INTJs (both dating and friendships) they tend to only engage in this kind of behavior if they are really into that person and it is genuine. They are very efficient types who want things to be done with as little energy expended as necessary.

I think what he might have meant by the animal instinct thing.... was not that he wanted to engage in that kind of hijinks with you per se... but more of a commentary on what "hook-ups" are in a distilled down essence.

I find INTJs handle and appreciate directness very much. If you are interested in a relationship, I would suggest telling him that. "Hey, I really enjoy our talks together... and I would enjoy getting to know you more and seeing where this might lead."

Grain of Salt: I am an NF .

Maybe ENTJs are the same in this respect or perhaps its just people in general, I appreciate it and wish most of the time that people had the courage to tactfully speak their mind instead of leaving others guessing. This isnt just in relation to this topic but a lot of things.

 

[entropie]

'animal instinct', nice I made that mistake too when I was 12

I think the thread title is an oxymoron

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

"Animal instinct" makes it sound like he's sexually interested, while still understanding you guys are friends-- keep in mind, he might not see you as any thing else than those two segregated things. A lot of people can deal with that sort of dynamic without having them spill over and infect each other, maybe this is what he's looking for.

Why not just ask him if he is more than just sexually-interested in you? If he has already expressed sexual interest, then I'm sure he will be welcoming of the confrontation.

 

[Scorquendo]

'animal instinct', nice I made that mistake too when I was 12

I think the thread title is an oxymoron

Off topic, but entropie, I love your avatar: The Game is one my favorite thrillers. Very underrated. Here's another great quote:

Elizabeth:"So Nicholas...did you have a good birthday?"

Nicholas: "Does Rose Kennedy wear a black dress?"

Very NT humor. (Though, I would Nicholas Van Orton as an ISTJ)

 

[Thalassa]

Maybe ENTJs are the same in this respect or perhaps its just people in general, I appreciate it and wish most of the time that people had the courage to tactfully speak their mind instead of leaving others guessing. This isnt just in relation to this topic but a lot of things.

Honestly I think ENTJs are more likely to tactfully (or not-so-tactfully) speak their minds than INTJs. That's why I say they're easier to understand.

 

[Thalassa]

>I understand that he's a guy who likes sex..nothing complicated about that.

All guys like sex. INTPs especially, but the irony is that we're probably the least capable of the types in getting it

I don't think the problem is that he's a guy who likes sex (women like sex, too, who knew)...I think perhaps the OP is wondering what's up, if he's trying to use her for nothing more than a hook up or friends-with-benefits after she thinks they have a great mental connection. Especially since she's told him that's not going to happen and he kept persisting.

 

[yupyupyup]

I don't think the problem is that he's a guy who likes sex (women like sex, too, who knew)...I think perhaps the OP is wondering what's up, if he's trying to use her for nothing more than a hook up or friends-with-benefits after she thinks they have a great mental connection. Especially since she's told him that's not going to happen and he kept persisting.

Yess, thank youu, I just want a direct answer to this!