[INTJ] General Impressions of the INTJ

[Splittet]

Hehe, just a joke pointing out we have the tendency to see ourselves especially in fictional characters and type them the same as us.

 

[ptgatsby]

Hehe, just a joke pointing out we have the tendency to see ourselves especially in fictional characters and type them the same as us.

I knew I was an INTJ.

 

[runvardh]

My impressions from the descriptions and many posts here would keep female INTJs on my list of possibilities; my worry would be that, should I find one, she'd find me an excessive annoyance.

 

[Introverts_Unite!]

My boss, I believe, is an INTJ. He's a physician/academic scientist, very bright, has good social and 'responsibility' skills which lead the Muckity-Mucks to put him on lots of committees. He hates meetings but realizes they're part of the Game, though he's happiest when he's working with his lab staff and gazing through very expensive microscopes.

At any rate, I've always been able to read previous bosses and eventually can do the INFJ Psychic-know-what-they-want-before-they-do Thing. My current boss, however has greatly perplexed me. It's never taken me so long to figure someone out and predict what they want or how they'll react to a given bit of news. Just when I think he's going to be upset about some bureaucratic thing, he takes the news calmly. Then I think something I tell him will be No Big Deal and he wigs out over it. The result has been that I have learned to be less of an independent do-er and end up asking him MORE about the administrative details he abhors so much. This also inhibits my creative ideas, because they often get shot down like clay pigeons and the sulky Feeler kicks in.

The funny thing is, when I'm fuming about an issue I thought I'd called accurately but didn't, I start mentally enumerating what's wrong with him (I think there is an INFJ pride issue at work here).
Then finally one day, after reviewing my internal list of his communication faults, I realized that I'm exactly like him ... very hard to read and I often Declare Final Results without giving people the benefit of the process that led to my decision. It was insightful, to say the least.

 

[fiona]

My impressions from the descriptions and many posts here would keep female INTJs on my list of possibilities; my worry would be that, should I find one, she'd find me an excessive annoyance.

Female INTJ *waves*

No one is annoying as long as they take the time to achieve mutual understanding with an INTJ; what annoys me is the flouncing off with a 'oh, you're just incapable of understanding' when in fact I'm actually tying myself into knots trying to do so.

As a career lurker, I'm always relieved when someone stands up and says that they have INTJ friends who have a deeply emotional side; it means that there is someone out there who has actually allowed an INTJ the time they need to establish trust and a safe relationship. God knows, it happens little enough.

Like all the remarks about INTJs cutting people off. Yes, I do this, but only when fearsomely hurt by something someone has done. All the E types jump up and down about how hurt they are in this situation; strangely it rarely occurs to them to wonder if the INTJ has first been hurt in some way, or realise that if this is the case then the INTJ would bite their own tongue out rather than admit it. After all, you hurt me -> I withdraw from you -> I no longer value your opinion -> therefore I have no logical right to my emotional reaction -> admitting I may be having an illogical emotion gives you the power to hurt me further -> therefore the way to deal with this collision of logic is simply to maintain the distance. Once an INTJ has tied themselves into this circle they can often only be rescued by a high-level sensing type who forces them to validate their feelings and helps them with behaviours that can effect a reconciliation. Alternatively the other person simply has to wait it out and then effect a rapprochement, which (to their surprise) frequently works - the logical mess has simply been swept away by the passage of time.

I do begin to wonder if we are the most disliked of all the types, not least because society defines 'normal' as openly emotional. Being a female INTJ I'm probably more aware of this than most; I have resigned myself to life alone, though the emotional pain that brings me is something no one, friends or family, would ever have any idea of. On the few occasions I have shown emotion they have got angry/shocked; I'm clearly not expected or allowed to behave like this.

The perfectionist traits we're accused of are often overblown, too, and in my experience actually represent other problems. If you don't do something to my satisfaction I'm likely to ask myself about all the other things I value in you, and conclude that the damage/hurt I'm likely to cause by making a fuss far outweighs my annoyance, and keep my mouth shut. However, that balance changes if we are professional colleagues and you are messing things up (very important for me as I'm an emergency doctor) or this is a friendship that is heading for the rocks because of lots of other problems. Then you might see me as demanding or arrogant, because that's the emotional response to my annoyance. In fact, I don't think INTJs are perfectionist; they want a system to WORK; that's their first criterion. Everything else is just frills.

Oops...have wandered off point and ranted a bit. Sorry.

 

[fiona]

And I think House is an INTJ; he has learned to perform to an audience because most successful doctors do. He has adapted into the only niche that was available to him; take away all the colleagues he interacts with, leave him doing his job alone and he'd just get on with it, including all the scutwork.

He is also deeply emotional, but surrounded by people who think they just have to say 'I really like you' to earn his lifelong trust and friendship.

Idiots.

 

[Venom]

Female INTJ *waves*

No one is annoying as long as they take the time to achieve mutual understanding with an INTJ; what annoys me is the flouncing off with a 'oh, you're just incapable of understanding' when in fact I'm actually tying myself into knots trying to do so.

As a career lurker, I'm always relieved when someone stands up and says that they have INTJ friends who have a deeply emotional side; it means that there is someone out there who has actually allowed an INTJ the time they need to establish trust and a safe relationship. God knows, it happens little enough.

Like all the remarks about INTJs cutting people off. Yes, I do this, but only when fearsomely hurt by something someone has done. All the E types jump up and down about how hurt they are in this situation; strangely it rarely occurs to them to wonder if the INTJ has first been hurt in some way, or realise that if this is the case then the INTJ would bite their own tongue out rather than admit it. After all, you hurt me -> I withdraw from you -> I no longer value your opinion -> therefore I have no logical right to my emotional reaction -> admitting I may be having an illogical emotion gives you the power to hurt me further -> therefore the way to deal with this collision of logic is simply to maintain the distance. Once an INTJ has tied themselves into this circle they can often only be rescued by a high-level sensing type who forces them to validate their feelings and helps them with behaviours that can effect a reconciliation. Alternatively the other person simply has to wait it out and then effect a rapprochement, which (to their surprise) frequently works - the logical mess has simply been swept away by the passage of time.

I do begin to wonder if we are the most disliked of all the types, not least because society defines 'normal' as openly emotional. Being a female INTJ I'm probably more aware of this than most; I have resigned myself to life alone, though the emotional pain that brings me is something no one, friends or family, would ever have any idea of. On the few occasions I have shown emotion they have got angry/shocked; I'm clearly not expected or allowed to behave like this.

The perfectionist traits we're accused of are often overblown, too, and in my experience actually represent other problems. If you don't do something to my satisfaction I'm likely to ask myself about all the other things I value in you, and conclude that the damage/hurt I'm likely to cause by making a fuss far outweighs my annoyance, and keep my mouth shut. However, that balance changes if we are professional colleagues and you are messing things up (very important for me as I'm an emergency doctor) or this is a friendship that is heading for the rocks because of lots of other problems. Then you might see me as demanding or arrogant, because that's the emotional response to my annoyance. In fact, I don't think INTJs are perfectionist; they want a system to WORK; that's their first criterion. Everything else is just frills.

Oops...have wandered off point and ranted a bit. Sorry.

i know this is a really old post, but as a MALE INFP i can relate to what being a FEMALE INTJ might be like as far being disliked and just not fitting social norms.

male infps:
way too passive for males,
way too easily maniplulated for a male
too much emotion for males...

female intjs:
way to much T for a female,
too manipulative for a female
too calculating for a female,

anyone kind of see what I'm saying? i think the N can push the T for male and F for female into even more frustrating places for INFP and INTJ.

maybe ENFJ is supposedly perfect for female INFP...im starting to think a female INTJ is much more perfect for a male INFP:

one excels at Fi, eventually needs his Te to grow.
another excels at Te, eventually needs to grow their Fi.

 

[redacted]

i know this thread is hella old, but i was reading through it, and have 2 things to say:

Thank you.

It might interest you to know that I began my life as an INFJ.

Personal dynamics forced a mutation of Type in my early adult years.

interesting. i've kinda suspected that you're an INFJ. your manners seem Fe-ish...

how do you explain the change from Fe/Ti to Te/Fi?

i always kinda related to your posts, although you seem much more mature and certainly more eloquent than i

Really? Are you sure about that? I hate to stereotype, but aren't most INFJ men gay? I don't think I've ever met one that wasn't, although anything is possible

i'm not, and my male INFJ friend isn't. seems like a pointless stereotype if you ask me.

 

[Mempy]

I'm not being productive enough! Damn! I hate feeling unproductive. I really wish I could get into gear and get this done. What?! It's already six o'clock?! Where does the god-damn day go?! And... SHIT!!! I forgot to throw my laundry in! All right, all right. Be cool. You can get this done. You can, you can! Come on!

God, but that new video game I just bought is calling! It's so persuasive!

No, no! I must work! All right, where was I... god, I lost my train of thought. I can't stop thinking about the statistics book I read a while back, and how interesting the findings were. I'm also feeling slightly creative tonight. I wish I could draw.

^INTJust one hour of video game-playing, then I'll get back to work...

 

[Veneti]

female intjs:
way to much T for a female,
too manipulative for a female
too calculating for a female,

Sorry, but I think you are completely wrong on INTJ females. Given I've worked in top CPA environments, consulting and IT Project management, I can tell you that the women that I have met in these environments (Who are almost certaintly INTJs) do not share the traits you describe.

Firstly, Its not that they are too T for other women, its probably more that they do not physically express their F side to the degree that the majority of women do. They will likely (like most male T's) use logic than emotions to confront the external world and project an image that conforms to this. I do however believe T women do have more F than us guys and it causes them more anguish with conflicting emotions. I've seen INTJ women break and I'd say they do quite a bit of it in private than in public.

INTJ women are DEFINITELY not manipulative, they are bright enough and capable enough not to have to stoop to that. INTJ women can't act manipulation and aren't that great at flirtation.

Too calculating? I think its more that they have looked at the options to a greater degree and act when they believe they are correct and not on impulse. I think you are describing calculating in the manipulative sense and that is completely wrong.

 

[runvardh]

Damn... fiona, if you're still lurking I just happen to have an INTJ friend, through chruch, no less, and he even has an appreciation for hugs. He also admits that his friendliness is a "work in progress" even though he seems to manage well enough. However, I do catch him off guard with things thoughts I have that I intend no real purpose for. I know he tries hard not to get frustrated with it, but I see it in the wording he uses and that's where I worry about how I'd come across to a female INTJ. I'll have the poor girl in all kinds of knots and I'll know damn well I'm the one putting her though it and well... I'm not the kind of guy to torture the girl he likes (unless it's in bed ^_-).

 

[Venom]

Sorry, but I think you are completely wrong on INTJ females. Given I've worked in top CPA environments, consulting and IT Project management, I can tell you that the women that I have met in these environments (Who are almost certaintly INTJs) do not share the traits you describe.

Firstly, Its not that they are too T for other women, its probably more that they do not physically express their F side to the degree that the majority of women do. They will likely (like most male T's) use logic than emotions to confront the external world and project an image that conforms to this. I do however believe T women do have more F than us guys and it causes them more anguish with conflicting emotions. I've seen INTJ women break and I'd say they do quite a bit of it in private than in public.

INTJ women are DEFINITELY not manipulative, they are bright enough and capable enough not to have to stoop to that. INTJ women can't act manipulation and aren't that great at flirtation.

Too calculating? I think its more that they have looked at the options to a greater degree and act when they believe they are correct and not on impulse. I think you are describing calculating in the manipulative sense and that is completely wrong.

well of course its somewhat off! if INTJs WERE tooo all of these things i wouldnt be atttracted one. just the same as if i as an INFP were a complete pushover, then i woldnt be attractive either. I was simply trying to describe what i think alot of people think of for an archetypical male INFP is kind of like the archetypical female INTJ in its gender role reversal.

 

[Veneti]

well of course its somewhat off! if INTJs WERE tooo all of these things i wouldnt be atttracted one. just the same as if i as an INFP were a complete pushover, then i woldnt be attractive either. I was simply trying to describe what i think alot of people think of for an archetypical male INFP is kind of like the archetypical female INTJ in its gender role reversal.

Ok, but if you use an analogy you need to ensure that it lines up with how it really is.

If you said that INFP males are seen as basically females by other guys. And that INTJ women are seen as almost guys by other women then I'd agree.

 

[Venom]

Ok, but if you use an analogy you need to ensure that it lines up with how it really is.

If you said that INFP males are seen as basically females by other guys. And that INTJ women are seen as almost guys by other women then I'd agree.

yes, the analogy you just gave is exactly what i was trying to say.