[ENFP] Common ENFP issues

[Ratsimoan]

If I'm stressed, depressed or frustrated I'm very bad at jumping to conclusions and the labeling game. Drives my husband crazy, but I'm making progress.

Yeah I can see it being caused by stress, depression and frustration.

 

[angelhair45]

I pretty much identify with everything, except 3 and 4 under Specific Issues.

As far as thinking before speaking. When I try and formulate what I am going to say before I speak it comes out forced and unnatural. In the past I have spent more time thinking what I would say first and it was very stifiling and unsatisfying for me. I can do it, but I don't prefer it.

I rather enjoy speaking my mind and seeing what happens. I do think before I speak, but as thinking and speaking happens so quickly I don't stop to censor myself. I like to let my thoughts and ideas spill out. Like I said, I can stop myself, but I don't put myself in many situations where I have to worry about what I say.

 

[angelhair45]

Yeah I can see it being caused by stress, depression and frustration.

The think is I DETEST labels myself, and will not allow myself to be labeled. So I blame it on my ISTJ shadow coming out. lol.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

This list is really very good.

The only thing I'd add... or maybe pull out and put in it's own misunderstanding line item is following through on things. We're notorious for not following up on details because we get distracted by something new and shiny.

I'm going to have to agree with angelhair45 that I don't identify with 3 or 4 a lot... though I've heard lots of people say that ENFPs are big flirts. That just never manifested for me. Perhaps I scared off guys by my hit-you-in-the-face intensity coupled with a whole lot of book learnin'. Normally not a combination that makes you popular with the fellas.

Crude and insensitive? Well... I'm not afraid to rock the boat. Break a rule (if I feel I have an ethically pressing reason to do so). Take conversational risks. But I don't do these thing because I haven't thought the matter through or am clueless about the social fallout.

I usually am very aware that I'm being a total *sshole. I just don't care. Or I've judged that the cost of the social fallout is something I'm willing to pay for the benefit of my boat rocking activities. (I might be an ENTP in disguise. )

But just to clarify, normally I'm very socially capable and well-liked. It's not like I go around trying to piss people off or shock them for the hell of it.

 

[angelhair45]

This list is really very good.

The only thing I'd add... or maybe pull out and put in it's own misunderstanding line item is following through on things. We're notorious of not following up on details because we get distracted by something new and shiny.

Yes yes definitely. It's hard when you have so many interests and so little time.

 

[Arclight]

Yeah I can see it being caused by stress, depression and frustration.

The think is I DETEST labels myself, and will not allow myself to be labeled. So I blame it on my ISTJ shadow coming out. lol.

Well this thread is about issues, and all my issues with ENFPs come from moments of confusion and communication breakdowns.

I personally have a communication problem at times with certain ENFPs and It seems my way of thinking can really confuse them at times.

I also have a bit of a tendency to attract and be attracted to broken people or people with savior complex. because I am a broken people. SO.. maybe a healthy ENFP would rock my world.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

5) Drama Queen. Fi can feel sooooo f*cking intense, it burns. The pain can be overwhelming. Unloading on others however...not very nice, however hard it can be to contain yourself. Learning social rules and having a close friend who understands you is a definite must.

I've heard a lot of people say they thought ENFPs were drama queens which has always bugged me. I think it's because I associate this term with a bunch of catty women on some Judith Krantz made-for-TV movie.

In order to indulge my subjective distastes, maybe, I'd break it up like this:

Loose Cannon. I think for some other personality types ... like some Fe types (... um maybe say ENFJs ) ENFPs' willingness to push the social envelope at times drives them nuts. So in this sense they can seem like loose cannons.
Overly Intense. I thought you described the experience of Fi being "sooooo f*cking intense" pretty well.
The pain, joy, love, or whatever feeling my Fi is experiencing can be utterly and completely overwhelming. I had to laugh and wince when you said that it wasn't fair to unload all those strong Fi feelings on another person. Up until two years ago, I'd never done that. And hopefully I'll never do it again. But I went through some intense Fi burning and I wound up dumping on some poor, poor guy I barely knew. I completely unloaded on him. It's like I was in a movie watching myself blow it...I was horrified by what I was doing... but I just couldn't stop myself. The feelings were sooooo intense, it's like they completely short-circuited my normally highly-proficient social radar. Poor guy! ​

3) I *suck* at finding things. Like, seriously suck at it. I have my INTJ find it all for me, because, even if I bother, I'll go over a spot 4 times and still not find the item I need.

I laughed when I read this. I'm exactly the same way. I've come to the conclusion that my dominant Intuition cancels out my Se.

There's a thread on the NT Rationale Forum called Sensotard Moments that I came across a couple of month's ago. It was HYSTERICAL. And, it made me feel like I wasn't such a freak of nature in this area.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nt-rationale/8573-sensotard-moments.html

 

[Starry]

I notice a tendency for some ENFPs to speak first without giving much thought of what they're saying; which can often have the effect of creating a huge mess if it's misunderstood by the other person or hits a nerve. For me, when I say something, I've already given some thought as to what I'm saying.

Peguy ~ this is very true...or at the very least it is for me. I am surprised to say that this trait hasn't led to a great deal of conflicts and/or misunderstandings in my life... but what it does do is make me come across as far less intellegent than I actually am. It is often embarrassing and subsequently frustrating to be considered 'dense' or 'airheaded'.

In my younger days I always felt I somehow became some sort of 'loveable & silly gal'...we love to have her around but she's a few cards short of an entire deck.

To this day I have people look at me dumbfounded when I speak of my degrees, travels, what universities I have attended...

Yah...I"m that girl in Legally Blond...all because I often feel the need to 'process externally'.

 

[Starry]

Why won't you guys listen, and why is it that a third of your cooking attempts result in me having to pull out the goddamn fire extingisher?!

Partly to be funny, but partly serious...

One thing that I love so much with regards to INFPs is their ability to capture Truth like none seen.
This is hilarious...and, again, Truth.

 

[Starry]

3) I *suck* at finding things. Like, seriously suck at it. I have my INTJ find it all for me, because, even if I bother, I'll go over a spot 4 times and still not find the item I need.

Satine ~ your OP was so insightful.

And I too thought this was pretty darn funny. My INTJ male friend...I love him more than life itself (whoa that sounded so ENFPie)...but it is so true. He helps me navigate the physical world all the time...and yes he is constantly joking about it but underneath he is saying 'you are okay the way you are'.

Every ENFP needs an INTJ. At least in my experience - they are able to see who we are behind the outer clumsiness.

 

[skylights]

satine you know us ENFPs so well!!!

An ENFP will typically try to explain to the other person why they did something, not as a way to weasel out of the responsibility, but to increase understanding and harmony. Similarly, they will often not be aware of the fact that their transgression is once again in that social manual that everyone seems to know, and therefore not see it fit to actually apologize for something that to them was not intended in harm and in their eyes also didn't really harm anyone.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO TRUE
embarrassingly it took one of my Fe dom friends to point out that, uh, hurtful words in arguments are hurtful. this has got to be in that lost social manual. i was like, wait... oh, shit... they were just for the sake of arguing... i think she was dumbfounded. reasonably so.

2) Flakiness. Wherever the mood takes me, is where I go, making it hard to plan *anything* or not feel forced when I do agree to something when later I don't feel like it anymore

yeah... it's kind of protective for other people too. if i don't want to do something and go anyway and really am miserable i might just be a bitch the whole time.

I really really hate what I perceive to be emotional guilttripping ( I grew up in a house of Fe-people, not all equally healthy). It makes me rebel beyond all reason. If you ask me to do something for you genuinly, I'll jump through every hoop to make it so, if I know it to be important to you. Whine that I haven't done it yet, while you didn't even ask, and I'll bend over backwards and cut my own throat before I give you what you want. I *am* working on this

me too satine. my Fe mom does this sometimes and i HATE it. it's a bad combo of getting distracted and just disliking/avoiding mundane tasks. my mom will do things for me and then guilt-trip and i'll be like wtf! i didn't ask! and then she'll remind me that she'd asked me a week ago.... haha oops...

I love freedom but leadership can be draining on me. I rather be the 'right hand', as constantly having to think ahead, plan and direct people can be quite daunting.

yes, me too. i really don't like directing people anyway. second-in-command is a wonderful ENFP position.

 

[Amargith]

Hey guys, thanks for contributing. I've updated the OP, with your help!

Changes:

Misunderstandings:

9) Always talking about ME. ENFPs tend to speak in the 'I'-person, because they experience everything in such an individualistic way. Add to that that we know most people find us weird and we don't wanna speak for others who might experience things different as we're often told that we're the outsiders anyways. On top of that there's a serious need to be understood as the desire to connect is there but clearly it's hard as we're weird This tends to grate people to no end, despite the good intentions of the ENFP as it seems to be all about 'him'. Also, we work with analogies a lot, which is our way of relating. When someone tells us something, the way to let them know that we understand what they're saying is by equally sharing a similar story. Quid pro quo basically. You tell me something about yourself and I'll sync up with you by sharing something similar about myself. This is the way to get to know each other. Unfortunately, we can get wrapped up in that process, and get overenthused in sharing...

Tendencies:

7) No follow-through whatsoever. This is suchhhh a pain. There's so much to do an d so little time to do it in that often, when we start a project and see where it should end up, but obstacles get in the way, we get impatient. And the next little bit of shiny is already tempting us. Since we're bogged down in the process and we've seen in our mind how it will likely end, it's just more alluring to figure out the next bit of shiny instead of waiting for things to come together

8) And then..when we do get into that 'Must follow through!'-phase..get out of our way. Yeah, I truly hate that one as well. It's the whole, 'This shit needs to be done and otherwise I'm just sitting around wasting my time so get the f*ck out of my way, now!' thing. Te. Since we're not exactly that good at it and cannot swing it around for that long (it's frigging tiresome!), most of us tend to have the finesse of a frigging bulldozer when wielding that thing. It just makes people run for cover. The second I invoke that, I'm beyond patience, and things better start happening, even if I have to ram things through people's throats, or start hitting a machine hard. It better be working, dammit! And the second there's the smallest hitch, the thing/person responsible is in serious trouble. This results in my tossing my phone somewhere hard, and freaking people out by the authoritive tone in my otherwise so chipper or calm voice. I've been told my eyes shoot thunderbolts and could kill a man the second I get that way. The reason for this is, I'm in a situation I don't wanna be in, I cannot avoid (see next point!) and I wanna get out, NOW! You're a moron if you stand in my way, seriously. End of discussion.

9) Avoidance. Man, I love that strategy. If I can avoid problemsolving, especially if it's somethign that requires a lot of work, energy or thinking things through, I will. If I can wing it, I'll take that over planning it out and going through it, as it's such an energy saver. Gets me in all kinds of trouble when I overestimate my capacity to wing it though (I'm slowly getting better at planning only a little while mixing it with winging it though )

 

[Scott N Denver]

Satine, I would like to say EXCELLENT insight and discussion.


Perhaps I shall start the INFP thread on this. If I do, I might just copy like 80% of your post, and point out the 20% that I don't think applies for INFP's. I'm not sure how really representative of INFP's I am though, so maybe someone else, [OA here is looking at you???] should start that

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Satine ~ your OP was so insightful.

And I too thought this was pretty darn funny. My INTJ male friend...I love him more than life itself (whoa that sounded so ENFPie)...but it is so true. He helps me navigate the physical world all the time...and yes he is constantly joking about it but underneath he is saying 'you are okay the way you are'.

Every ENFP needs an INTJ. At least in my experience - they are able to see who we are behind the outer clumsiness.

Every ENFP needs an INTJ. At least in my experience - they are able to see who we are behind the outer clumsiness.

I read somewhere once that an INFJ is the only type that can convince an ENFP to give up their life of crime. To which I thought, in typical ENFP fashion, "hmpf. I have no intentions of giving up my figurative life of crime."

What StarryKnights wrote here reminded me of this.

I've seriously dated both an INFJ and an INTJ.

With the INFJ, it's like he helped me keep my emotional house in order. I was very aware of how he and other people responded EMOTIONALLY to what I did. And, though I hate to admit it, I did let a little of his Fe seep in and I was far more reluctant to shake things up in that uniquely ENxP way that I can. I matured a lot by acquiring this INFJ awareness.

With the INTJ, it's like he helped me keep my logistical house in order. (<--- Now there's one heck of a term - logistical house. LOL!) I was very aware of how I ran my house and my business and my money. In fact, he helped me "keep my crap together" more than any other boyfriend I've ever had.

Thanks StarryKnights. That helped me put things into perspective.

 

[William K]

Satine, I would like to say EXCELLENT insight and discussion.


Perhaps I shall start the INFP thread on this. If I do, I might just copy like 80% of your post, and point out the 20% that I don't think applies for INFP's. I'm not sure how really representative of INFP's I am though, so maybe someone else, [OA here is looking at you???] should start that

INFPs are all unique individuals, so we only have uncommon issues

 

[Amargith]

Actually, I'd love an INFP-thread, it would give me some more insight into which type I could possibly be

 

[Esoteric Wench]

8) And then..when we do get into that 'Must follow through!'-phase..get out of our way. Yeah, I truly hate that one as well. It's the whole, 'This shit needs to be done and otherwise I'm just sitting around wasting my time so get the f*ck out of my way, now!' thing. Te. Since we're not exactly that good at it and cannot swing it around for that long (it's frigging tiresome!), most of us tend to have the finesse of a frigging bulldozer when wielding that thing. It just makes people run for cover. The second I invoke that, I'm beyond patience, and things better start happening, even if I have to ram things through people's throats, or start hitting a machine hard. It better be working, dammit! And the second there's the smallest hitch, the thing/person responsible is in serious trouble. This results in my tossing my phone somewhere hard, and freaking people out by the authoritive tone in my otherwise so chipper or calm voice. I've been told my eyes shoot thunderbolts and could kill a man the second I get that way. The reason for this is, I'm in a situation I don't wanna be in, I cannot avoid (see next point!) and I wanna get out, NOW! You're a moron if you stand in my way, seriously. End of discussion.

9) Avoidance. Man, I love that strategy. If I can avoid problem solving, especially if it's something that requires a lot of work, energy or thinking things through, I will. If I can wing it, I'll take that over planning it out and going through it, as it's such an energy saver. Gets me in all kinds of trouble when I overestimate my capacity to wing it though (I'm slowly getting better at planning only a little while mixing it with winging it though )

I belly laughed when I read these. I am guilty of both. This is really a good list Satine.

Lordy, Lordy. It's a wonder anybody is my friend... like EVER.

 

[Pixelholic]

Yeah, I'm guilty of all of that.

I wonder why people put up with me sometimes..

 

[sculpting]

Hmmm...

IRL, I have never been seen as flirty, attention whoring, a drama queen, failing to follow up on things. I have moments of erratic Te, but in general it is very effective.

Instead I am seen as fairly cold, reserved and removed. In school I was called an ice queen. I am seen as overly blunt and I fail at Fe politics but I dont lack follow through. I will stand up and speak about my idealistic take on an issue when other people will not, but it will tend to have a very practical bent. It is actually pretty hard to hurt my feelings, even, as I rarely let others that close.

Much of the list contains part of me that are innate and I can see the patterns, but I tend to have layers and layers of compensation between me and the real world to self correct-not suggesting that is the healthiest approach. Here it is different. you guys are my closest 1000+ plus friends.....gotta love the anon internet....

 

[stalemate]

I don't relate to much of the list in the OP. Most of the stuff in the misunderstandings just sounds like generally poor social skills. Social stuff is one of my strongest areas, so I don't relate to those misunderstandings much at all.