[sx] Sx-doms...come to me ;)

[Salomé]

Latching on, and sucking a person dry, which I think is what the others are talking about

I mentioned this, but not in reference to SX-doms. I was talking about emotionally needy people (of any variant).
I think people are getting a bit confused...

SX has its place and can lead to people being able to talk about things that mean a lot to them or that they might not get to voice much of them time, so that they might feel known.

Exactly. SXs are natural therapists.
Why does the fact that I'm more interested in who you are rather than the colour of your nail-polish or what you had for breakfast make me some kind of parasite?

It can only conceivably be a negative thing if I plan to use it in a way that might hurt you. Or if I am crass and insensitive when you share something personal and make yourself vulnerable. If the connection is misused to exploit others for personal gain or ego gratification, that's an unhealthy/amoral SX, not a typical one. I like to push and test boundaries and I delight in being inappropriate, but I don't impose myself on people. Ick. If they are resistant I quickly lose interest.
Introversion probably tempers the aggression of the SX drive.

 

[runvardh]

I mentioned this, but not in reference to SX-doms. I was talking about emotionally needy people (of any variant).
I think people are getting a bit confused...

Yeah, I wasn't reading things fully and my stuff was based off of random bits I read from CzeCze, MacGuff, Lavos, and Tallulah.

I know I get into some of the unhealthier aspects here and there and it's a problem I'm working on, though difficult at times.

Exactly. SXs are natural therapists.
Why does the fact that I'm more interested in who you are rather than the colour of your nail-polish or what you had for breakfast make me some kind of parasite?

It can only conceivably be a negative thing if I plan to use it in a way that might hurt you. Or if I am crass and insensitive when you share something personal and make yourself vulnerable. If the connection is misused to exploit others for personal gain or ego gratification, that's an unhealthy/amoral SX, not a typical one. I like to push and test boundaries and I delight in being inappropriate, but I don't impose myself on people. Ick. If they are resistant I quickly lose interest.
Introversion probably tempers the aggression of the SX drive.

Therapist... I try to avoid that as much as I end up coming back to it; hopefully I'm applying it better now than I used to, though I'd need other frames of reference to know. I also don't like to feel like I'm imposing, it's like I'm hanging my dick out waiting to get it hacked off.

 

[Salomé]

I also don't like to feel like I'm imposing, it's like I'm hanging my dick out waiting to get it hacked off.

Um...yeah. I could see why that might be an imposition.

 

[Totenkindly]

Introversion probably tempers the aggression of the SX drive.

That, big-time.

I think the extroverts would have a much harder time not trying to engage people.

Exactly. SXs are natural therapists. Why does the fact that I'm more interested in who you are rather than the colour of your nail-polish or what you had for breakfast make me some kind of parasite?

Honestly, yes -- why are we looked down on for not being obsessed by what are in some ways trivialities?

Again tonight I got yet another PM from someone here I don't know well yet (but will now, likely), who had heard from others that I listen well and wanted to know if I'd care to listen to something and give my perspective on it. They come to me, I don't typically go to them. And honestly, I love to do that -- it meets the needs of the person I'm listening to, and it also meets a deep need of mine, and it's mutual. When those things can sync up, it's a wonderful thing.

Why do people even get together, except that they meet each other mutual needs in some way?

 

[runvardh]

Um...yeah. I could see why that might be an imposition.

 

[Rail Tracer]

9w1 sx/so

Sexual/Social


This subtype of Nine may appear least like a stereotypical Nine because the outward sexual and social energies obscure some of the withdrawing and "zoning out" tendencies of the Nine. These Nines are the most connected and assertive of the subtypes of Nine, especially when it comes to relationships. There is still some internal struggle, as with the sexual/self-pres, but overall there is less of a tendency to withdraw. With the self-pres instinct last, this subtype can neglect self-preservational needs in favor of the intensity of their sexual instinct's pursuits. Individuals of this subtype could easily be mistaken for the dominant wing, because the sexual energy tends to flow in a manner similar to the energy of the wing. A Nine with a One wing would therefore appear more One-like and a Nine with Eight might be mistaken for an Eight.

The central conflict for these Nines will still be in the realm of close intimate relationships and these Nines will have many of the same issues and challenges as the sexual/self-pres Nines.

Fits me quite well.

From my experience, it seems like there are a lot of forum goers who are 5w4 or 4w5.

 

[Kasper]

Exactly. SXs are natural therapists.
Why does the fact that I'm more interested in who you are rather than the colour of your nail-polish or what you had for breakfast make me some kind of parasite?

I like to push and test boundaries and I delight in being inappropriate, but I don't impose myself on people. Ick. If they are resistant I quickly lose interest.

That doesn't strike me as a Sx thing, unless I've mistyped myself (with my history, who knows!) I'm Sp/So and I love to know who people really are and will push and probe to see that, and get satisfaction when they open up, what I don't do is reciprocate or "merge" with them. In a lot of ways an E5 looks rather conflicting with the Sx instinct and a number of things written in here sound more NT or E5 than strictly Sx.

 

[Kingfisher]

That doesn't strike me as a Sx thing, unless I've mistyped myself (with my history, who knows!) I'm Sp/So and I love to know who people really are and will push and probe to see that, and get satisfaction when they open up, what I don't do is reciprocate or "merge" with them. In a lot of ways an E5 looks rather conflicting with the Sx instinct and a number of things written in here sound more NT or E5 than strictly Sx.

it seems to me like merging with people is a big SX thing.
for me being SX is all about being synchronized with somebody. it is not knowing them from their details and their history and what they say, but feeling the power of a person. getting in touch with the force of a person and getting swept up in it.

 

[ocean]

SX!

sp/sx 9w8

Sx all the way.

 

[Salomé]

That doesn't strike me as a Sx thing, unless I've mistyped myself (with my history, who knows!) I'm Sp/So and I love to know who people really are and will push and probe to see that, and get satisfaction when they open up, what I don't do is reciprocate or "merge" with them. In a lot of ways an E5 looks rather conflicting with the Sx instinct and a number of things written in here sound more NT or E5 than strictly Sx.

Perhaps. I do understand the merging thing though to the extent that I have a desire to actually "become" the other person. That is, I want to know how they experience the world from the inside. It compliments the E5 curiosity/thirst for knowledge, but it's an experiential thirst. That desire for detachment is abandoned, for once, or rather, there is a desire to detach from the self in the process of becoming the other. I don't however, often have a corresponding desire to be known, which can be a problem for me. Probably because I anticipate rejection. And I have no desire to be "joined at the hip" with anyone. I still need lots of space. The E5 fear of being overwhelmed by the needs of others is always in play.

This enneagram business is prolly all bullshit anyway.

 

[wolfy]

sp/sx 9w8

Sx all the way.

Cool! That is the first time someone called me out over my type. Thinking...

 

[Totenkindly]

it seems to me like merging with people is a big SX thing.
for me being SX is all about being synchronized with somebody. it is not knowing them from their details and their history and what they say, but feeling the power of a person. getting in touch with the force of a person and getting swept up in it.

I dunno. There's definitely energy involved, but I don't know if I would state it the way you did here; for me, it's more about diving deep into someone and forging some sort of mystical connection, and I guess maybe it is a desire to "merge" (and I know that intimate sex to me is the feeling of slipping into someone else's skin and having them slip into mine, simultaneously, so to speak)... but an intrisic part of me is the ethic of not possessing another human being, and merging comes dangerously close to that. I don't want to wipe out another identity, I can't allow that; I want to immerse myself in them and totally 'get them' but without overwriting them in any way. They have to remain distinct and other, unique, even if we become close enough "merge" in some way.

But maybe this is a distinction between an SX vs an SX/SP, or perhaps an e5 SX vs other enneagram SX types?

 

[Rail Tracer]

Plus, I'm curious how many people took the test vs self-identify etc.

I've token the test with the variant, it flat out told me that I was a 9w1 sx dominant. It wasn't until later I took another test strictly about the variants that it showed I was sx/so/sp.

I read the general information about how an sx/so interacts coupled with how a 9w1 sx/so reacts. It does sound kind of like me.

But maybe this is a distinction between an SX vs an SX/SP, or perhaps an e5 SX vs other enneagram SX types?

Considering how the enneagram types already act differently enough from each other, I wouldn't be surprised if a 5w4 sx/so (tends to act more so like 4s than their 5 counter parts) acted differently than a 9w1 sx/so (tends to act more like 1's than their 9 counterparts.)

Also, I understand the concept of merging. The way I see it is that I want a deeper understanding of the other person as opposed to simplicity. The difference between an acquaintance, a friend, and family member would be examples of what I mean. There is a different level of knowing the person from family, to friends, and to acquaintances.

 

[highlander]

Sorry for the stupid question but maybe someone can tell me what any of this means:

You are most likely a type 8 (the Challenger) with 7 wing

Sexual variant

These are what I'm most to least likely to be.

Type 8 SX
Type 3 SX
Type 1 SO
Type 4 SX
Type 5 SX
Type 7 SO
Type 6 SX
Type 2 SP
Type 9 SP

Last time I took one of these tests, it said I was an 8 OMNI. Second highest scores were on 3 and 6.

EDIT: I am clueless on this Enneagram stuff. It's easy to understand the main type, but this wing stuff and combination of SX/SO/SP is a bit confusing. Is there something that combines them or do you need to look at these factors separately. How are people knowing they are really an SO/SX, wing 4 etc.

 

[Lady_X]

Perhaps. I do understand the merging thing though to the extent that I have a desire to actually "become" the other person. That is, I want to know how they experience the world from the inside. It compliments the E5 curiosity/thirst for knowledge, but it's an experiential thirst. That desire for detachment is abandoned, for once, or rather, there is a desire to detach from the self in the process of becoming the other. I don't however, often have a corresponding desire to be known, which can be a problem for me. Probably because I anticipate rejection. And I have no desire to be "joined at the hip" with anyone. I still need lots of space. The E5 fear of being overwhelmed by the needs of others is always in play.

This enneagram business is prolly all bullshit anyway.

whoa...that's all so very interesting. what a different perspective than my type 7 sx'ness

 

[JAVO]

Perhaps. I do understand the merging thing though to the extent that I have a desire to actually "become" the other person. That is, I want to know how they experience the world from the inside. It compliments the E5 curiosity/thirst for knowledge, but it's an experiential thirst. That desire for detachment is abandoned, for once, or rather, there is a desire to detach from the self in the process of becoming the other. I don't however, often have a corresponding desire to be known, which can be a problem for me. Probably because I anticipate rejection. And I have no desire to be "joined at the hip" with anyone. I still need lots of space. The E5 fear of being overwhelmed by the needs of others is always in play.

This enneagram business is prolly all bullshit anyway.

Hot.

 

[entropie]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOAyzfP5bOY"].[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Totenkindly]

Perhaps. I do understand the merging thing though to the extent that I have a desire to actually "become" the other person. That is, I want to know how they experience the world from the inside. It compliments the E5 curiosity/thirst for knowledge, but it's an experiential thirst. That desire for detachment is abandoned, for once, or rather, there is a desire to detach from the self in the process of becoming the other.

While I resonate with all of it, that last bit caught my eye.

I find I can't let go completely. It all seems to be a business of how much I can actually let go (in order to more fully grasp the other person) without actually losing myself completely... like clinging to a rock ledge with the least amount of grip possible without falling off. I'm terrified I think of losing myself completely, yet have to always go in deeper and deeper, to the very precipice of self-abandoment, in order to understand about the Other as much as possible. I want to "be them" as much as perfectly possible, without actually invading them or losing myself, in order to grasp them.

I always thought I would make a terrible hypnosis subject because of this. I can't quite consciously let go of my sense of inner awareness/self.

This enneagram business is prolly all bullshit anyway.

Just like a Libra on the cusp would say, ha!
(actually I have no clue what you are. You just said "bullshit" and astrology came to mind...)

 

[neptunesnet]

While I resonate with all of it, that last bit caught my eye.

I find I can't let go completely. It all seems to be a business of how much I can actually let go (in order to more fully grasp the other person) without actually losing myself completely... like clinging to a rock ledge with the least amount of grip possible without falling off. I'm terrified I think of losing myself completely, yet have to always go in deeper and deeper, to the very precipice of self-abandoment, in order to understand about the Other as much as possible. I want to "be them" as much as perfectly possible, without actually invading them or losing myself, in order to grasp them.

I always thought I would make a terrible hypnosis subject because of this. I can't quite consciously let go of my sense of inner awareness/self.

X10

 

[Kingfisher]

I dunno. There's definitely energy involved, but I don't know if I would state it the way you did here; for me, it's more about diving deep into someone and forging some sort of mystical connection, and I guess maybe it is a desire to "merge" (and I know that intimate sex to me is the feeling of slipping into someone else's skin and having them slip into mine, simultaneously, so to speak)... but an intrisic part of me is the ethic of not possessing another human being, and merging comes dangerously close to that. I don't want to wipe out another identity, I can't allow that; I want to immerse myself in them and totally 'get them' but without overwriting them in any way. They have to remain distinct and other, unique, even if we become close enough "merge" in some way.

I find I can't let go completely. It all seems to be a business of how much I can actually let go (in order to more fully grasp the other person) without actually losing myself completely... like clinging to a rock ledge with the least amount of grip possible without falling off. I'm terrified I think of losing myself completely, yet have to always go in deeper and deeper, to the very precipice of self-abandoment, in order to understand about the Other as much as possible. I want to "be them" as much as perfectly possible, without actually invading them or losing myself, in order to grasp them.

i like "mystical connection", that is a good way to put it.
i can't help but be pulled in. when i start to loose my sense of self that is exciting to me, it energizes me to go deeper and deeper.
where you want to go as far as possible without loosing yourself - i want to loose as much of myself as possible. i guess because i know i will always come back, in some way or another. i think when i am connecting with somebody i just push away my sense of self, because it is getting in my way.

i don't want to wipe out someone's identity either.
i want to get so deeply drawn into a connection that we both willingly wipe out our own identities. but wipe-out is not the right word.
i want to forget who i am. be unable to remember myself.

i think it is interesting you said you want to "be" the other person without loosing yourself. i don't want to be the other person or myself, i want to 'be the connection' between us. i want "us" to disappear for a while.


i think you being a 5 and me being a 9w8 or 8w9 makes us see the SX instinct very differently. it is cool how it all plays together.