[NF] The NF Males' List of Deal Breakers (Rip off)

[Yloh]

I know this is a rip off of "The NF Females' List of Deal Breakers", but reading your wonderful lists of "Deal Breakers" was very fun for me and made me want to write my own list. NF males write your own list.

Must Have

Similar spiritual views
Kind
Compassionate
Ability to connect
Passion for one's beliefs
Understanding
Likes to cuddle
Honesty
Be open to me
Can accept me for my flaws

Extra Credit

Similar hobbies, interests, etc
Willingness to try new things
Open mind
Has my physical preferences

Can Accept Depending on the Situation

Kids
Smokes
Divorced (Has to be a really good reason)

Deal Breaker

Missing something from my "Must Have" list
Obese
Really Stupid
STDs
Violent (Both to self and others)
Issues not handled in a healthy manner

Edit: This thread is mainly for fun. I do feel it is important to know what kind of person you would want to have in life, so making a list for yourself can be a good thing.

 

[Resonance]

Divorced (Unless her spouse has cheated)

Why is that? I don't understand this one.

 

[Epiphany]

I hate making lists. Considering you don't really know how long a relationship will last, people change (both you and your significant other), it's not as if picking a partner is as easy as going to a buffet and grabbing what you want. I guess the magnitude of my P'ness is really obvious here. I don't want to establish any standards that can't be altered, depending on the individual. When looking for a relationship, I consider traits that would indicate a faithful personality. Intelligence would be nice - there has to be some common ground for communication. Physically, there isn't a cookie-cutter formula for beauty. Many different women are beautiful in different ways. I have to be attracted to her, but ultimately physical beauty will fade so if I am looking for a long-term relationship, there's no sense in putting strict criteria on looks.

 

[Yloh]

Why is that? I don't understand this one.

Well I'll admit I did write this list pretty quick as there are situations where the husband beats his wife, puts her life in danger, and does other really bad things like that. I can over look those things.

Seeing the high divorce rate in this world really pisses me off. Me, never been married, is looking forward to finding that special woman to spend the rest of my life with. Seeing someone get divorced because their partner wasn't willing to work with them, financial reasons, fell out of love their partner, their partner changed over the years, their partner never changed, etc really makes me wary of starting a relationship with them. They had found their true love (Why did they marry that person in the first place?) and gave up half way through. How do I know if you are going to divorce me if I had a major struggle in my life, if we really disagreed on a major issue, our financial situation went to crap, we suddenly had different views on raising our kids, lost her "love high" with me, etc.

When someone gets married they are saying they will love their partner "Unconditionally" and stay with them forever "Death till we part". If a person gets a divorce, it is telling me they were not willing to work through the struggles of life with their spouse.

If you are a woman I had true respect for and you were divorced, I would really have to know the details as to why you got a divorce, before I could trust starting a relationship with you. I should move divorce up to "Can Accept Depending on the Situation".

 

[Resonance]

Ok, that makes more sense now.

 

[MoneyJungle]

MUST HAVE
Prior experience enabling an alcoholic


EXTRA CREDIT
Mute


Deal Breakers
Standards

 

[Billy]

Must Have:
pretty face
attractive body
Intelligence
humility
passion
compassion
a respectful nature
grateful for the small things
love life
want a family
sense of humor
connect emotionally
loyalty
good at sex


Extra Credit:
Geek girl / Gamer girl
Like horror movies (big extra credit)
into astronomy
reads a lot / writes
interested in expanding both mind and soul.


Deal breaker:
untrustworthy (cheating, lying, etc)
domineering/controlling
obsess on material as the ONLY thing in life.
judgmental
careless of other peoples feelings
obese
unhygienic

 

[Thalassa]

MUST HAVE
Prior experience enabling an alcoholic


EXTRA CREDIT
Mute


Deal Breakers
Standards

...sorry

 

[kiddykat]

^For some reason, when I read that list? I thought "blow up doll" one's with mouths open and legs spread wide apart.



Edit:

When someone gets married they are saying they will love their partner "Unconditionally" and stay with them forever "Death till we part". If a person gets a divorce, it is telling me they were not willing to work through the struggles of life with their spouse.
.."Can Accept Depending on the Situation"

+1. I also think it's about really knowing who we are and understanding what works and what doesn't. Sometimes marriages start out at a young age, and if a couple weren't compatible, it brings out the worst in them. In some cases, spousal abuse (mental, physical, emotional)<--- any of these can pretty much eat away at a person's self-esteem. In other cases, they find a highly compatible match, hit the jackpot. It's like being dealt a lucky card!

In general, any two people can be 'together.' The important thing is- "How Happy?" of a union will it be? What's the quality like? I think getting from point A->B here is really about self-understanding, and having the ability to love someone in a natural way so that we're not expecting them to 'change' who they are as a person, deep down inside, because acceptance is a HUGE part of love/blissfulness/relationship longevity. Changing habits on the other hand? Like smoking/not wanting our partners to die of cancer is different. I'm interested in what NF males think. Didn't mean to derail, carry on..

 

[Snuggletron]

deal breakers?

religious
dumb
mean (and means it)
offended easily
unattractive (this covers everything else, not just physically)

 

[JivinJeffJones]

MUST HAVE
Prior experience enabling an alcoholic


EXTRA CREDIT
Mute


Deal Breakers
Standards

Those girls get snapped up right away.

 

[Moiety]

Deal Breaker

Not smart
Cold unfeeling bastard
Naivety or gullibility
Hectic relationship past
Giving off too much of a sexual or open vibe (a random stranger must think twice before approaching her)
Currently in a relationship
Cheater
Unattractive
Not understanding the intents of my words somewhat intuitively
No looking for long term commitment

 

[Arclight]

No must haves.. no deal breakers..

Each person is unique and therefore so are the dynamics of each relationship.

I think for a while at least, I will have issues with hypocrisy, spin and a lack of accountability. But they don't necessarily equate to deal breakers.

As for a list of must haves?? Only if I want to miss what is right there in front of me would I have a rigid set of conditions.
and lets face it.. a list, equals conditions .. so much for NF's and unconditional love eh?

 

[slowriot]

No must haves.. no deal breakers..

Each person is unique and therefore so are the dynamics of each relationship.

I think for a while at least, I will have issues with hypocrisy, spin and a lack of accountability. But they don't necessarily equate to deal breakers.

As for a list of must haves?? Only if I want to miss what is right there in front of me would I have a rigid set of conditions.
and lets face it.. a list, equals conditions .. so much for NF's and unconditional love eh?

QFT

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Can Accept Depending on the Situation
Mental Illness

As someone with a mental illness, and being in the group of individuals with an extremely high functioning level - having this on your "can accept" list is very disturbing. If you honestly have to think about being with someone and "consider" the situation, then maybe you should never be with someone with a mental illness. I know for myself that if someone has to consider that my mental illness might be a deal breaker - I don't want to be anywhere near them relationship or otherwise.

 

[Salomé]

Deal Breaker

Not smart
Cold unfeeling bastard
Naivety or gullibility
Hectic relationship past
Giving off too much of a sexual or open vibe (a random stranger must think twice before approaching her)
Currently in a relationship
Cheater
Unattractive
Not understanding the intents of my words somewhat intuitively
No looking for long term commitment

Not too cold, not too hot, not too bothered?
How do you like your porridge?

 

[Moiety]

Not too cold, not too hot, not too bothered?
How do you like your porridge?

Hey, they don't call us idealist for nothing ya know...

 

[Phoenix_400]

As someone with a mental illness, and being in the group of individuals with an extremely high functioning level - having this on your "can accept" list is very disturbing. If you honestly have to think about being with someone and "consider" the situation, then maybe you should never be with someone with a mental illness. I know for myself that if someone has to consider that my mental illness might be a deal breaker - I don't want to be anywhere near them relationship or otherwise.

Well, I can kinda see where he's coming from. He did say 'Depending on the situation'. There are a lot of different types of mental illness out there. If you've got someone with an illness that can manifest itself in sudden violent outbursts, that's a legitimate safety concern. What if they fly into a rage and injure you, themselves, or another loved one?

Example: I had a friend whose ex-wife used to beat herself when she became upset. If he tried to get her to stop, she would turn and attack him. I've also received a few kicks/bites/scratches from trying to subdue her when somebody set her off at a party and she attacked them (Guy refused to defend himself and she would continue the assault when he tried to disengage/leave the party). She also suddenly jumped out of my truck at 20mph after agreeing to leave the party because she decided she wanted to go back and continue trying to kick the person's ass. All it would've taken was for her to grab a knife, gun, bat, etc. and she could've killed/seriously injured someone and not even really meant to do it...or been killed when she jumped out of my truck (broken her neck, got caught under my rear tire, etc.). Then suddenly I'd be facing a police investigation and possible vehicular manslaughter charges for trying to do the right thing on top of the mental/emotional anguish of having someone you know die right in front of you (PTSD is a mother to deal with, speaking from experience). The worst thing is she would blame others for setting her off or not stopping her instead of seeking help for the problem.

I think the biggest deciding factor on the subject of dating someone with a mental illness is whether or not they're seeking help for the problem. If they're ignoring the problem or not trying to work on it, I'd really rather not deal with it (You can't help someone unless they're willing to help themselves, oftentimes you'll be dragged down by it if you try). If they are seeking help, and depending on how the illness manifests itself, I'd be more likely to stick around and offer them love, support, and encouragement.

 

[blomiki]

@Billy

Hahaha! Started laughing out loud reading your list. I'm the girl of your dreams! Only two points I don't have, including the extra credit ones )

Pity I'm taken... by another INFJ. They're right, ENFP+INFJ is just the ultimate. Find yourself an ENFP, Billy. You won't be sorry.

 

[kiddykat]

How is it a set of 'conditions'? Btw, don't we have preferences, inadvertently, 'lists' we carry in our minds of what we want or don't want? Ex- there are certain qualities that draw us to people for certain reasons. To say that we don't have any lists at all, seems quite contradicting to me.

The list with having a mute girl sounds sexist.

But, whatever.

Edit- if it's meant as a joke, then I think it's pretty funny. Other than that, I call b.s. I wouldn't want a guy like that anyway. Touche. I like a guy who knows what he wants. In knowing what types of qualities he wants, he knows how to cherish the relationship he's got. That's my impression.