Quiet
New member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2010
- Messages
- 282
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 5
This thread has been an interesting read...
When I reflect on how much self work I have managed to do in my own personal life regarding how I doorslam, I can really see the difference in how and why I do it now as apposed to how I doorslammed then. In the past, I have just basically cut all ties and contact with those of whom I have deemed unacceptable for whatever reason. I would also give more benefit of the doubt and defy my Ni. Now, I drop more hints, and if those hints aren't taken heed of, then I eventually cut whomever out of my life. This is a rare thing for me to even have to experience now, as I don't disregard my intuition anymore...
It has been a rare occurance just in the last year that I have had a "fight" with an INFP friend. This conflict brought me such intense discomfort and inner conflict that I simply had to draw a line and set a boundary of no contact until I felt as though I had enough space. Towards the end of nearly two months of no contact, this friend sent me a couple of text messages that indicated a tone of frustration, pain and anger as I had not contacted her during that time. We had a few text fights of which I tried to explain myself and my reasons, and eventually we managed to speak over the phone to come to a final understanding and conclusion. There have been bumps with this friend throughout the years that I have known her, but we she finally was able to examine her own behavior and has now chosen to not place expectations upon me to be more socially connected than I feel capible of. At the same time, I have had the opportunity to learn how important i am to others (despite my oblivion as to why they would care about me), and have tried to get my head out of my own "ahem _ _ _" and just try to trust that I am worthy of being loved and recognized for my good qualities that I sadly don't notice due to my fixations on my flaws. It's also been an interesting learning experience for me to just relax during social interractions with others, and to try not to hand over so much power to others and tailor the interractions to suit them. (as when we are seen as chameleons or "fake" because of our Fe). I think this process will take a lifetime for me to master though.
I just find I need far more alone time and quietness than most people I know. I have a busy life with work, school and family, that I find I just don't have the emotional energy or drive for social interractions, when I feel guilty enough about not having enough energy for my family after work.
Anyway, for what it's worth, I thought I'd add this too.
When I reflect on how much self work I have managed to do in my own personal life regarding how I doorslam, I can really see the difference in how and why I do it now as apposed to how I doorslammed then. In the past, I have just basically cut all ties and contact with those of whom I have deemed unacceptable for whatever reason. I would also give more benefit of the doubt and defy my Ni. Now, I drop more hints, and if those hints aren't taken heed of, then I eventually cut whomever out of my life. This is a rare thing for me to even have to experience now, as I don't disregard my intuition anymore...
It has been a rare occurance just in the last year that I have had a "fight" with an INFP friend. This conflict brought me such intense discomfort and inner conflict that I simply had to draw a line and set a boundary of no contact until I felt as though I had enough space. Towards the end of nearly two months of no contact, this friend sent me a couple of text messages that indicated a tone of frustration, pain and anger as I had not contacted her during that time. We had a few text fights of which I tried to explain myself and my reasons, and eventually we managed to speak over the phone to come to a final understanding and conclusion. There have been bumps with this friend throughout the years that I have known her, but we she finally was able to examine her own behavior and has now chosen to not place expectations upon me to be more socially connected than I feel capible of. At the same time, I have had the opportunity to learn how important i am to others (despite my oblivion as to why they would care about me), and have tried to get my head out of my own "ahem _ _ _" and just try to trust that I am worthy of being loved and recognized for my good qualities that I sadly don't notice due to my fixations on my flaws. It's also been an interesting learning experience for me to just relax during social interractions with others, and to try not to hand over so much power to others and tailor the interractions to suit them. (as when we are seen as chameleons or "fake" because of our Fe). I think this process will take a lifetime for me to master though.
I just find I need far more alone time and quietness than most people I know. I have a busy life with work, school and family, that I find I just don't have the emotional energy or drive for social interractions, when I feel guilty enough about not having enough energy for my family after work.
Anyway, for what it's worth, I thought I'd add this too.