[INTP] How to seduce as an INTP

[Miserable]

Best bet to get out of a depression is by starting your thought processes a new. Use your Ti to create a new bases on which you want to live your life. Set different standards and goals.

That is a very good explanation, it's exactly what happens. I was just doing that before I read you post.

 

[Grungemouse]

I think that would help.

Could you give an example of what's quoted?

I think it means you should feed your experience (Si stores memories and experience) because postive relational experience gives you more confidence when pursuing future relationships. Trial and error, basically. You mess around the dating arena, finding out what types of relationships were enjoyable and what other situations are best avoided - like dating in the workplace, for instance. However, the downside to using this way of thinking in excess is relying too much on experience, limiting yourself to options that you already know and have rigorously analyzed, and denying yourself of new and possibly refreshing experiences. If you take your past experience too seriously, you'll never branch out. In short, you become a relational neophobe and will live life as a hermit.

That was more of an elaboration than an example. Eh.
---

I don't seduce. I just add to my mental list of "people I would say yes to if they asked first". If they're not on the list, they can't get in. I'm rarely actively attracted to people; I wait for them to seduce me first, lolz. Low success rate, but zero rejection rate. Relationships aren't central to my life anyway, despite being in one- I was chased.

 

[think2much]

I don't get it

 

[Miserable]

I don't get it

Do you know MBTI well?

 

[think2much]

Do you know MBTI well?

Not really but I was talking about my life. I just don't get it. I can't understand it. It's too much pain.

 

[Miserable]

Not really but I was talking about my life. I just don't get it. I can't understand it. It's too much pain.

Oh. Well maybe learning about MBTI can help you understand more.

 

[think2much]

Oh. Well maybe learning about MBTI can help you understand more.

links/books?

 

[Miserable]

links/books?

You could start with these:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

TYPOLOGY.NET -PICTURES OF PERSONALITY Visual Collection. The 16 Personality Types.


Functions!

 

[Fluffywolf]

I can't create a new goals. I need to accomplish my goals I have right now. I feel so rejected by this society. Nobody likes me or cares about me, I don't have any friends I can just call and express my feelings to. When people do talk to me; about themself or whatever I just don't care about it. I don't care about their stupid day cause of some guy cut in line front of them. I can't believe I'm this cold person. I just want a girl that can understand me and accpet me for who I am. That will never happen cause the society see me as a flaw and have nothing to offer to them.

I never required anyone to like me or accept me. So I guess I have it easy. But seriously, if you have certain goals you feel you have to reach. I assure you self pitying yourself about it before reaching that goal isn't going to speed up the process though.

I really advise you to find a middleground in which you feel comfortable enough living so you can shed that self pity and doubt, whilest searching and achieving your goals. If it's a girl you want, they tend to shy away from guys who pity themselves. You have your opinion, don't be afraid to use it. But don't get ahead of yourself and stay a little bit humble. When someone doesn't agree with you, it doesn't neccesarily mean they are wrong. Nor that you are wrong. You'd be surprised how many different opinions about one subject can be considered good.

 

[Shimmy]

First and Urgent:

- If you really think about killing yourself, seek professional help. Depression is a serious illness, and if you feel you are depressed or suicidal go and see a psychologist. It's not something you're likely to get out of on your own and we, online communities, can give you helpful words but are too anonymous for you to ever really make you feel better.

If I let go of my goals than how can I succeed? How can I get what I want without "trying"

You shouldn't not try, you should just not let your feeling of self worth, self confidence or even your mood, be determined by what you haven't achieved yet.

I can't create a new goals. I need to accomplish my goals I have right now. I feel so rejected by this society. Nobody likes me or cares about me, I don't have any friends I can just call and express my feelings to. When people do talk to me; about themself or whatever I just don't care about it. I don't care about their stupid day cause of some guy cut in line front of them. I can't believe I'm this cold person. I just want a girl that can understand me and accpet me for who I am. That will never happen cause the society see me as a flaw and have nothing to offer to them.

Pssssh. I'm sensing a negative vibe here. Here's some homework that helped me improve my confidence. Write down 5 things that are good about you, things that YOU like about yourself. Even if it sounds silly at first, like 'I'm good at playing boardgames'. Then add one thing to that list every day. Eventually you can say to yourself "I'm really that good".

For me some of those things were (to give you an idea): "I'm happy I've got a guitar" (I'm not that good at playing it, but just being able to cram a few notes out of it is making me a better guitar player then 99,999999% of world population) and "I always try to use my intelligence to help other people solve their problems" (this is a form of caring without the whole emotional stuff us NT's can have problems with).

Step two, since most of your low self esteem seems to come from the fact that you are not happy with your social life, is to recognize at what point it fails.

- I don't meet new people at all.
- I feel uncomfortable, anxious or scared when I meet new people and shy away.
- I meet new people all the time but it just doesn't click.
- I have plenty of acquaintances, but they never really turn into friends.
- I have plenty of friends, but no emotional connection with any of them.

I think these options cover pretty much the entire spectrum, but if you feel it's something else be sure to say so. Take 10 minutes realizing what exactly is going wrong, write it down in just one or two sentences, and we can get to the next step: Setting the right goals.

 

[think2much]

First and Urgent:

- If you really think about killing yourself, seek professional help. Depression is a serious illness, and if you feel you are depressed or suicidal go and see a psychologist. It's not something you're likely to get out of on your own and we, online communities, can give you helpful words but are too anonymous for you to ever really make you feel better.



You shouldn't not try, you should just not let your feeling of self worth, self confidence or even your mood, be determined by what you haven't achieved yet.



Pssssh. I'm sensing a negative vibe here. Here's some homework that helped me improve my confidence. Write down 5 things that are good about you, things that YOU like about yourself. Even if it sounds silly at first, like 'I'm good at playing boardgames'. Then add one thing to that list every day. Eventually you can say to yourself "I'm really that good".

For me some of those things were (to give you an idea): "I'm happy I've got a guitar" (I'm not that good at playing it, but just being able to cram a few notes out of it is making me a better guitar player then 99,999999% of world population) and "I always try to use my intelligence to help other people solve their problems" (this is a form of caring without the whole emotional stuff us NT's can have problems with).

Step two, since most of your low self esteem seems to come from the fact that you are not happy with your social life, is to recognize at what point it fails.

- I don't meet new people at all.
- I feel uncomfortable, anxious or scared when I meet new people and shy away.
- I meet new people all the time but it just doesn't click.
- I have plenty of acquaintances, but they never really turn into friends.
- I have plenty of friends, but no emotional connection with any of them.

I think these options cover pretty much the entire spectrum, but if you feel it's something else be sure to say so. Take 10 minutes realizing what exactly is going wrong, write it down in just one or two sentences, and we can get to the next step: Setting the right goals.

I'm not going to kill myself... Sometimes I want to but I'm not going to. I have talked to counselors and she said I was fine.

I just hate being soically incept. I finally realized that I cannot change that. Being introvert is who I am and It's something I have to live with. I can live without having friends.

 

[astroninja]

I'm not going to kill myself... Sometimes I want to but I'm not going to. I have talked to counselors and she said I was fine.

I just hate being soically incept. I finally realized that I cannot change that. Being introvert is who I am and It's something I have to live with. I can live without having friends.

I can't create a new goals. I need to accomplish my goals I have right now. I feel so rejected by this society. Nobody likes me or cares about me, I don't have any friends I can just call and express my feelings to. When people do talk to me; about themself or whatever I just don't care about it. I don't care about their stupid day cause of some guy cut in line front of them. I can't believe I'm this cold person. I just want a girl that can understand me and accpet me for who I am. That will never happen cause the society see me as a flaw and have nothing to offer to them.

As a fellow INTP, I can safely tell you this.
If you want to know the chicks, join a rock band. It's what I did, and I love getting the va-jai-jai-na-na-na-nas.

Okay but seriously,
Do you not think that being consciously aware of yourself and what is missing in your life is one step towards making a change? I always tell this to all my friends who are feeling down in life:

If you've done something for so long, stuck to the same feelings and thought patterns since forever, and it doesn't seem to work for you, what harm can making a change do? You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It's not a personal compromise if it's a step towards finding internal happiness. You're a short time living, and a long time dead. So why spend the time you have living feeling miserable?

You say you cannot change being socially inept, and perhaps it is true that you will never completely get over the initial shyness towards crowds and new people. But you can overcome it to the point of getting to know people whilst still retaining your natural instincts.

From my vault of personal experiences...
I am an albino, see. We're pretty rare in this world. It's a fairly rare skin condition. I'm white as snow, I have blue eyes, I have blonde hair (now pink). AND I live in an Asian community, where everyone has black hair, black eyes, and darker skin. Growing up, I was always getting looks from people. I still do now. As you can see from my avatar, I'm pretty much a semi-Anime character come to life.

To top it off, I'm an INTP; naturally introverted, lost in my own world of thoughts and imaginings. So not only am I estranged on the outside, I'm deranged on the inside too!

So you can only imagine how socially awkward I felt for most of my teen life, and the experiences I had to pull myself through in order to get to the other side. It was extremely difficult for me to make friends, terribly trying to keep my self-esteem high when everyone - and I mean, everyone - had their eyes on you and were quick to stereotype my inner quirkiness and outer awkwardness as being 'weird', 'freaky', 'alienish'. The Asian community can be very unwelcoming to people who look different from them.

But, and this is where we differ, I never self-indulged, and I never felt resigned to circumstaces. You don't have to either. You don't have to feel like you are trapped into your own self-defeating, self-engineered pigeonhole, because you are a dymensified individual, and you are a multiplex of unfound nuggets of awesomeness. All you need to do is take what you feel should be, oughta be, must be considered 'inept', and redefine it. The whole idea of what is and isn't 'inept' is, in the first place, defined by society at large, and last I checked, you are - like the rest of us- a part of society, so why the heck can't you be the one person who redefines yourself in the eyes of the world? It's all the power in your head that can be transcribed into your hands, your actions, and the way you lead your life.

To continue my sharing: To help find myself, I formed a rock band, and we played our hearts out at every show. We struggled, we fought with others, and we overcame adversaries with our diversities. And to date, we have outdone every single music act to come from my country in the last 50 years; we outsold, outdid, outlived them all with the audacity of our thick skins. Heck, I've banged more groupie vaginas in my life than the people who used to make fun of me, combined (Last count, 105+ women) and had more girlfriends than the people who used to make fun of me (actually, I stole one of their girlfriends).

But these are perculiar things to do, and yes, a tad bit extreme and not suited for everyone's lifestyle. A fellow poster here on Typologycentral here, visaisahero, can vouch for me;, that I'm telling the truth about who and what I am. I don't believe in avatars.

More importantly, and this is what I genuinely want to share with you refreshe123d, in the hopes that I can help you feel better about yourself in any small way, I chose not to be caged up by my limitations, not to be defined by my restrictions, and along the way, I made many fantastic friends and met a lot of loved ones whom I will have for most of my life.

And I'm STILL an INTP. And I'm still albino. I'm still a freak. I'm still a goddamn weirdo. I'm still socially inept. But I am goddamn proud of it. It is who I am. It is who you are, and you should be proud of it too. There is no other person in the world who is as beautifully unique as you, and the only thing that separates medicority and exception, success and failure, happiness and misery, love and melancholy is 'the trying' You have to believe in 'the trying', because trying the best in anything you do is the best you can do in life, and oftentimes, it is good enough.

One thing I have learnt about this chaotic, broken place we live in; everybody is busy finding ourselves, everyone is focused on treading the path of life into a place they can feel happy in. We're so caught up with that that most of us never take enough time out to discover the beauty of others. Sure, there are loads of lame-o-latterns dangling about the place, loads of retards that will always give you a hard time. But so what? Your life isn't defined by that, your personality doesn't have to feel restricted by those types.

For every retarded asshole in the world, there is another who is worth knowing. You just have to take the time to do so, and if you do, you will be rewarded with the precious friendship of another; someone you will understand and who will also help you feel understood.

No man is an island, no one. Sometimes, pseudo intellectuals, especially INTP and INTJ types, think that they have it all figured out in their heads and that the world just doesn't understand the complexities of who they are. We're full of smart-assed remarks and are quick to debunk point of views that don't fuse with our theories in life - I do it myself too. But in truth, we're no closer to understanding life than the rest. So the first thing you can do for yourself, something that can slowly bring you a tad bit of happiness, is to understand that we understand nothing at all, and to accept it. And to learn from it, and to learn from others, other types, introverts and extroverts alike. Heckm you can even learn a thing or two from an ESFP, and that's saying a lot. Nothing that has been written in books or websites can directly help you to feel any better; at the end of the day, it has to come from you.

And who knows? Along the way, you'll begin to understand that, different as people may be, the one thing that makes us all feel a little better on a bad day is a friend.

Nil Sine Labore, my fellow INTP. 'Nothing Without Labour'


I live a gazillion miles away from you, don't even know your name or your face, but if you need somebody to talk to, ever, drop me a line.
...



...


Okay, I'm ready to be fired upon by my INTP peers already for sounding like a motivational speaker.

 

[Spamtar]

Refresh: Serveral months ago I recall earlier you mentioned you didn't have many friends (and didn't seemed bothered much by the fact). This is a challenge to many INTPs is that we are very individualistic. In fact we tend to abhor 'group think' (and rightfully so I may add).

However most of humanity are social animals. We are hardwired like our cavemen ancestors to be tribal. So your attempts seem to run you into a brick wall. Maybe I have tried to teach you how to run before you learned to walk. Social dynamics and seduction is a social game.

As a building block. Make friends. In the very least make friendly acquaintances. Preferably ones that know attractive girls but if the main task is to make friendly acquaintances. See if you can court friends in a friendly manner (if nothing else it will be an easier step then dates). The best friend you can make is a female friend. Regardless if she is not the hottest babe on the block she will give you what is called "social proofing" with other women. In other words most girls are not into the Unibomber type. Consciously or not most women (especially young women) shy away from loners.

For basic but generally very helpful friend/friendly associate making strategies consider reading and applying the classic Amazon.com: How to Win Friends & Influence People (9780671723651): Dale Carnegie: Books.

P.S. having friends are, you will find, mostly worth the immediate benefits even beyond the collateral social proofing benefits.

 

[think2much]

@astroninja

................. I am just amazed by your story. I'm speechless with your words right now. You inspire me to push myself to the limit. I want to thank EVERYONE in this forum for giving me a second chance at life.

I will keep you guys posted with my progress.
I'm so emotional right now I can't think what to say other than thank you once again!

 

[Grungemouse]

Have you considered writing a blog on here? It helps with keeping us posted as well as giving you constructive advice, plus it'll be a good way for you to look back and see the progress you've made. All the best. I hope things work out for you.

 

[Shimmy]

Refreshed, a good way to start getting a better social live is picking up a hobby that encourages socialisation. Pick up a teamsport (I went for rowing) or join a student club. Anything you can think of that promotes an active team spirit.

With my rowing team, apart from training obviously, we eat together once a weak and go out, or to the clubhouse, afterwards for drinks.

 

[Spamtar]

"To rejoice in another's prosperity, is to give content to your own lot: to mitigate another's grief, is to alleviate or dispel your own."
Thomas Edwards

 

[astroninja]

@astroninja

................. I am just amazed by your story. I'm speechless with your words right now. You inspire me to push myself to the limit. I want to thank EVERYONE in this forum for giving me a second chance at life.

I will keep you guys posted with my progress.
I'm so emotional right now I can't think what to say other than thank you once again!

Not a problem. Everybody goes through hard times from time to time in our lives. The important thing to know is that you can almost always do something about it. Some circumstances can't be changed in life, but self-perception isn't one of them.

 

[Cypocalypse]

I agree with Astroninja 100%. I can relate to everything he posted except for the becoming-a-band-member part. And another thing to point out there is that it's not much of a beyond-the-odds inspiring story but it's a realistic, attainable undertaking.

To add some notes:
Socializing is actually fun, despite how much the MBTI rulebook says that INTPs are supposed to suck at it (I used to be INTP/INFP).

For one, socializing is like learning to ride a bike. There's only a forward progression to it, meaning, you just get better with practice. And it's not as pressuring as, let's say, being entangled to an SJ kind of work or something. You just can't get worse with it.

One important outlook to have in socializing it for an INTP to first set a realistic goal. For example, instead of focusing on how to get a vagina, why not focus first on getting to have close friends instead? Then you think on what to do next later on.

A good starting point (I agree with what was posted) would be having a female best friend. Sure, it's kinda awkward to be friend zoned like that, but it gives a lot of leverage for someone to work with in the long run, like getting a clearer picture of how a female psyche works.

 

[Shimmy]

A good starting point (I agree with what was posted) would be having a female best friend. Sure, it's kinda awkward to be friend zoned like that, but it gives a lot of leverage for someone to work with in the long run, like getting a clearer picture of how a female psyche works.

Another big advantage of having some female friends is that when you give a party, there will not be just guys there, that looks lame.