Showbread
climb on
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2013
- Messages
- 2,298
- MBTI Type
- ESFJ
- Enneagram
- 3w2
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
You'd think after being in a romantic relationship with someone for almost 18 months, and knowing them for almost 4 years, I'd be able to nail down their type without help. Wrong. Sometimes the more you know someone, the harder it is to type them. Can anyone relate to that?
Anyways, fiancé. Let's call him Mac. Because he's a tech nerd and idolizes Steve Jobs (his genius and creativity, not his asshat-ness). And also because I'm using a MacBook and the word is right in front of me and I can't think of anything better.
When Mac takes an MBTI test, he generally gets ENTP. If I think about type just in terms of letters and function, ENTP makes sense for him. But, if I think about the actual personality and vibe produced by ENTP it doesn't work. If anything, he vibes kind of SJ, but he's definitely not an SJ. My best guess at this point is that he is an ENFP, who lacks some traditional ENFP markers because he was raised by an ENTJ and ISTJ. He's very sensitive, and often has very emotional responses to things, but he doesn't seem to know what to do with the feelings and sometimes finds them overwhelming. His parents are very kind and generous people, but I think they were often impatient with him so he just kind of learned that his feelings were wrong and he needed to shove them aside to please people.
One thing I'm fairly certain of is that he is an enneagram 9. He cannot tolerate people being upset with him. He kind of collapses internally and you can almost see the shame taking over. If someone he loves is upset, he does everything he can to fix it, even if it isn't his fault. Not in a 2ish manipulative love earning way though. He does not like conflict, or confrontation. He will simultaneously shove his own feelings down, while internalizing someone else's and making it his responsibility to make them happy again. This has led him to be taken advantage of by multiple emotionally needy/unhealthy people who end up disregarding his needs because he doesn't always communicate them. Both relationships ended with him essentially becoming a time bomb of resentment and pain. But even though they hurt him so deeply he was never able to bring himself to tell either of them. In fact, he will straight up lie to avoid having people get upset with him/know that he has "failed". He's just kind of severed ties with both of them over time. One was a girlfriend, the other was a closeted gay roommate who was in love with him.
One reason I am certain he is not an SJ of any kind is that he is a dreamer and an eternal optimist. He likes to lay in bed for hours on a Saturday morning and dream up different lives for himself. Not because he's discontent, but because he says he doesn't have enough lives to learn all the professions he wants to. I think his ultimate dream would be for someone to pay him to travel the world and learn every language. He loves linguistics. He's taught himself to read Russian characters, Japanese characters, some Chinese, some Welsh, and he speaks French very well. If I had let him he would have picked our honeymoon location based on what language he wanted to learn next. He also dreams of becoming a composer. He loves technically complex music and for a while wanted to compose film score. He currently works as software engineer and LOVES it. Even when he's not at work he codes for fun, teaches himself new coding languages, and is constantly reading about obscure computer science research. He started teaching himself to code when he was around 9 years old. He and his sister went to pottery painting place when they were tiny. Her plate has puppies and rainbows, his is covered in sketches of computer parts.
Other random anecdotes...
- He is incredibly detail oriented with his work, music, fonts, etc. But when it comes to practical real life logistics, he can be clueless. Things like planning a road trip so that meal times fall when passing through a city, estimating how long tasks will take and planning accordingly, prioritizing chores, etc, elude him.
- He LOVES touch. His "snuggle gauge" is always empty. In fact, I'm convinced there's a hole in the bottom because he loves touch. Kissing, holding hands, "koalaing" as he calls it (he wraps his legs around me like a koala, it's adorable). He can pretty much never get enough. He also likes be to very silly with touch and tickle me or bite my ears.
- He does not perform well under stress, in fact, he shuts down. It's not that he can't make deadlines or do hard things... He's good at both. But when you add pressure for him to perform, the fear of failing (letting someone down) kind of takes over. If he know he's made us late he panics and takes longer to do everything. He internalizes my disappointment, feels like he has failed, and goes into a cycle of shame. If he has to make a decision under stress/pressure he will start to fixate on details that don't really matter and obsess over making sure his work/choice is perfect.
- He is definitely extrovert. He never gets tired of being around people and could chat for hours. However, he doesn't draw attention to himself in a group. He loves to listen just as much as he loves to talk.
- He's painfully punny. Sometimes they're hilarious, and sometimes they're just awful. But he can't pass up the opportunity. Example of hilarious: I'm sitting in the living room and from the kitchen I hear him say in a Russian accent: "Hello there broccoli, how was being nuked?" As he pulls his leftovers out of the microwave.
- He's bad at sarcasm, and doesn't like to be teased. I don't really think there way any sarcasm in his house a child. His parents are both very straightforward. I am incredibly sassy/snarky and it used to catch him off guard, a lot. His dislike of teasing I think is due to his sensitivity to criticism. He reminds me very much of my ENFP brother in his way (actually, a lot of ways).
Okay. Ready, set, go. Ask questions. I'l probably show this to him later and let him answer some of the questions.
Anyways, fiancé. Let's call him Mac. Because he's a tech nerd and idolizes Steve Jobs (his genius and creativity, not his asshat-ness). And also because I'm using a MacBook and the word is right in front of me and I can't think of anything better.
When Mac takes an MBTI test, he generally gets ENTP. If I think about type just in terms of letters and function, ENTP makes sense for him. But, if I think about the actual personality and vibe produced by ENTP it doesn't work. If anything, he vibes kind of SJ, but he's definitely not an SJ. My best guess at this point is that he is an ENFP, who lacks some traditional ENFP markers because he was raised by an ENTJ and ISTJ. He's very sensitive, and often has very emotional responses to things, but he doesn't seem to know what to do with the feelings and sometimes finds them overwhelming. His parents are very kind and generous people, but I think they were often impatient with him so he just kind of learned that his feelings were wrong and he needed to shove them aside to please people.
One thing I'm fairly certain of is that he is an enneagram 9. He cannot tolerate people being upset with him. He kind of collapses internally and you can almost see the shame taking over. If someone he loves is upset, he does everything he can to fix it, even if it isn't his fault. Not in a 2ish manipulative love earning way though. He does not like conflict, or confrontation. He will simultaneously shove his own feelings down, while internalizing someone else's and making it his responsibility to make them happy again. This has led him to be taken advantage of by multiple emotionally needy/unhealthy people who end up disregarding his needs because he doesn't always communicate them. Both relationships ended with him essentially becoming a time bomb of resentment and pain. But even though they hurt him so deeply he was never able to bring himself to tell either of them. In fact, he will straight up lie to avoid having people get upset with him/know that he has "failed". He's just kind of severed ties with both of them over time. One was a girlfriend, the other was a closeted gay roommate who was in love with him.
One reason I am certain he is not an SJ of any kind is that he is a dreamer and an eternal optimist. He likes to lay in bed for hours on a Saturday morning and dream up different lives for himself. Not because he's discontent, but because he says he doesn't have enough lives to learn all the professions he wants to. I think his ultimate dream would be for someone to pay him to travel the world and learn every language. He loves linguistics. He's taught himself to read Russian characters, Japanese characters, some Chinese, some Welsh, and he speaks French very well. If I had let him he would have picked our honeymoon location based on what language he wanted to learn next. He also dreams of becoming a composer. He loves technically complex music and for a while wanted to compose film score. He currently works as software engineer and LOVES it. Even when he's not at work he codes for fun, teaches himself new coding languages, and is constantly reading about obscure computer science research. He started teaching himself to code when he was around 9 years old. He and his sister went to pottery painting place when they were tiny. Her plate has puppies and rainbows, his is covered in sketches of computer parts.
Other random anecdotes...
- He is incredibly detail oriented with his work, music, fonts, etc. But when it comes to practical real life logistics, he can be clueless. Things like planning a road trip so that meal times fall when passing through a city, estimating how long tasks will take and planning accordingly, prioritizing chores, etc, elude him.
- He LOVES touch. His "snuggle gauge" is always empty. In fact, I'm convinced there's a hole in the bottom because he loves touch. Kissing, holding hands, "koalaing" as he calls it (he wraps his legs around me like a koala, it's adorable). He can pretty much never get enough. He also likes be to very silly with touch and tickle me or bite my ears.
- He does not perform well under stress, in fact, he shuts down. It's not that he can't make deadlines or do hard things... He's good at both. But when you add pressure for him to perform, the fear of failing (letting someone down) kind of takes over. If he know he's made us late he panics and takes longer to do everything. He internalizes my disappointment, feels like he has failed, and goes into a cycle of shame. If he has to make a decision under stress/pressure he will start to fixate on details that don't really matter and obsess over making sure his work/choice is perfect.
- He is definitely extrovert. He never gets tired of being around people and could chat for hours. However, he doesn't draw attention to himself in a group. He loves to listen just as much as he loves to talk.
- He's painfully punny. Sometimes they're hilarious, and sometimes they're just awful. But he can't pass up the opportunity. Example of hilarious: I'm sitting in the living room and from the kitchen I hear him say in a Russian accent: "Hello there broccoli, how was being nuked?" As he pulls his leftovers out of the microwave.
- He's bad at sarcasm, and doesn't like to be teased. I don't really think there way any sarcasm in his house a child. His parents are both very straightforward. I am incredibly sassy/snarky and it used to catch him off guard, a lot. His dislike of teasing I think is due to his sensitivity to criticism. He reminds me very much of my ENFP brother in his way (actually, a lot of ways).
Okay. Ready, set, go. Ask questions. I'l probably show this to him later and let him answer some of the questions.
but it sounds like physical touch may be his love language.
