[ISTP] When do ISTPs share their deeper emotions?

[Lauren Ashley]

You seem to be operating on the assumption that ISTPs have deep emotions.

Right...nevermind then.

 

[millerm277]

@Lauren Ashley, generally, our emotions are relatively fleeting, which makes expressing them not a useful thing to do. (Ex: I can be angry as hell, two minutes later I'm back to normal, and quite happy I didn't lash out before.)

Also, we are (usually), very private people, which means that it's less likely that we will share "deeper emotions" easily. (Like love, sadness, etc..). That kind of thing, for the most part, is kept inside.

 

[kendoiwan]

Err... The things I keep inside stay inside unless I find a reason to share. I'm not for saying things for the sake of saying them.

 

[eclare]

This is from awhile back but:

The truth is- I feel that I almost always do (share my emotions). I'm a very transparent person. And yet misunderstandings persist amongst people whom I respect and interact with on a fairly consistent basis that I don't.

This type of thing caused a lot of angst (mostly one-sided) at the beginning of my relationship with my ISTP boyfriend. Our conversations would go like this:

Me (an INFJ): Tell me how you feel!
Him: I just did.
Me: But I mean how you reeeaaally feel.
Him: Seriously, I just did.
Me: But that cannot POSSIBLY be how you really feel.
Him: No it really is.

Then I would get upset and end the conversation. I would come back later and say something like "So I was thinking about our fight earlier..." and he'd respond "What are you talking about? We've never had a fight."

It took me many long months to realize that I had to take him at his word.

 

[Doppleganger]

I'm sure it's been said 10,000 times already, but I only share my feelings with people I'm really close to. Even then I don't feel that they're important.

 

[bronte]

This is from awhile back but:


This type of thing caused a lot of angst (mostly one-sided) at the beginning of my relationship with my ISTP boyfriend. Our conversations would go like this:

Me (an INFJ): Tell me how you feel!
Him: I just did.
Me: But I mean how you reeeaaally feel.
Him: Seriously, I just did.
Me: But that cannot POSSIBLY be how you really feel.
Him: No it really is.

:

Ive come to the conclusion that asking my husband how he 'feels' is a complete waste of my breath! He either doesnt 'feel' with the sort of depth I would about something (which is a very mixed blessing anyway) or he doesnt have the words to describe his feelings.

The kids can make him very angry but it lasts for about 5 mins and then he dosnt want to talk about it. Neither does he get passionate about anything - he is mildly enthusiastic about sport, running, the outdoors and beer

I've come to really appreciate the calm and he makes me laugh - alot. (sometimes unintentionally - he's just brought me a cup of tea in bed, wearing my pink slippers and told me that 'the kitchen is now closed madam')

 

[eclare]

Yes - the calm and the laughter is what makes the relationship special, although we keep one another intellectually stimulated as well.

One thing that drives me nuts, though, is that he constantly asks what I'm thinking. How do I explain that I am thinking everything and nothing at the same time? My usual response is "I don't know yet. I'll let you know once I've figured it out."

 

[bronte]

can go with the intellectual stimulation too - though its different say from the sort of discussions i have a work - he doesnt go in for long discussions but has a sharp insight and a very quick wit

just thought again about the title of the thread - when do istps share their deeper emotions - perhaps it should be how - I can 'see' when something has moved him or upset him though its rare that he wil verbalise it and he then tends to 'do' something to displace that feeling.

 

[Colors]

just thought again about the title of the thread - when do istps share their deeper emotions - perhaps it should be how - I can 'see' when something has moved him or upset him though its rare that he wil verbalise it and he then tends to 'do' something to displace that feeling.

Well, although I'm not so much with the "replacing" my feelings with things, I can identify with simply not having the words to talk about my emotions. I guess it take practice, just like everything else, but sometimes I get so frustrated that I can finally trust/get someone to listen to my concerns and it's like 'ARGH. WORDS. BLEH.' inside my head.

Words are so tricky and flighty anyway. Actions speak for themselves.

 

[phoenity]

Yes - the calm and the laughter is what makes the relationship special, although we keep one another intellectually stimulated as well.

One thing that drives me nuts, though, is that he constantly asks what I'm thinking. How do I explain that I am thinking everything and nothing at the same time? My usual response is "I don't know yet. I'll let you know once I've figured it out."

Him asking you what you're thinking is the same as you asking him what he's feeling.

 

[phoenity]

I'm wondering under what circumstances do ISTPs let a person "in," and share their feelings? Question for the ISTPs and those who have experience with this lovely type

I don't understand what you mean by sharing feelings. I can share thoughts with people I'm close to, but in general I don't think I have a need to.

I don't think I really have "feelings" about many things though. Any emotion that comes up is usually a side-effect of my environment or situation, and I can usually only notice emotion when it is intense and overwhelming. So in a negative situation, it's in my nature to recognize these intense negative emotions (since I view them as irrational), let my thinking side take over to understand why I'm experiencing these emotions, and think about how to resolve the situation.

That's why I can't remember the last time I had an emotional angry outburst. I also don't remember the last time I had an emotional happy outburst.

 

[phoenity]

Well, although I'm not so much with the "replacing" my feelings with things, I can identify with simply not having the words to talk about my emotions. I guess it take practice, just like everything else, but sometimes I get so frustrated that I can finally trust/get someone to listen to my concerns and it's like 'ARGH. WORDS. BLEH.' inside my head.

Words are so tricky and flighty anyway. Actions speak for themselves.

Agreed! In my opinion, words are usually quite insufficient in explaining to another person what feeling I'm experiencing or the intensity of that feeling, since words do not allow the other person to share the experience. Personally, I think emotions are more clearly expressed through action - something that the other person can experience through their physical senses. Love making obviously comes to mind...

 

[Poki]

I don't understand what you mean by sharing feelings. I can share thoughts with people I'm close to.

I don't think I really have "feelings" though. Any emotion that comes up is usually a side-effect of my environment, and I can usually only notice emotion when it is intense and overwhelming. So in a negative situation, it's in my nature so recognize these intense negative emotions (since I view them as irrational), let my thinking side take over to understand why I'm experiencing these emotions, and think about how to resolve the situation.

That's why I can't remember the last time I had an emotional angry outburst. I also don't remember the last time I had an emotional happy outburst.

Ive been doing alot of introspection. ISTPs honestly dont know why we feel the way we do. For an example, ISTP live for the moment. Why? "Because we do what we feel like" We realize that feelings can not be controlled without trying to control our environment. Our way of doing this is Fe which is our inferior function and we fail miserably because it is undeveloped. So what is the point of trying to figure out how we feel if we have no intentions of trying to control it? When we use Se we have very good control of our thoughts because it is based on facts and detail with a weak Ni our thoughts can go wild and come up with all kinds of crazy things. We are creatures of efficiency, so we are better able to control our inner thoughts, instead of using our inferior function and trying to control our feelings. When we start to improve our Fe we will begin to start paying attention to how we feel and emotions will start to show. We will have a much better understanding of ourselves. If you want I can go into how I believe an ISTP can develop there Ni using Se. When we get our Se and Ni working together is when we stop just regurgitating facts and really start to understand things.

 

[phoenity]

Ive been doing alot of introspection. ISTPs honestly dont know why we feel the way we do. For an example, ISTP live for the moment. Why? "Because we do what we feel like" We realize that feelings can not be controlled without trying to control our environment. Our way of doing this is Fe which is our inferior function and we fail miserably because it is undeveloped. So what is the point of trying to figure out how we feel if we have no intentions of trying to control it? When we use Se we have very good control of our thoughts because it is based on facts and detail with a weak Ni our thoughts can go wild and come up with all kinds of crazy things. We are creatures of efficiency, so we are better able to control our inner thoughts, instead of using our inferior function and trying to control our feelings. When we start to improve our Fe we will begin to start paying attention to how we feel and emotions will start to show. We will have a much better understanding of ourselves. If you want I can go into how I believe an ISTP can develop there Ni using Se. When we get our Se and Ni working together is when we stop just regurgitating facts and really start to understand things.

Please share.

 

[phoenity]

Ive been doing alot of introspection.

Introspection is one of the most valuable tools I have and I've been using it a lot over the past several years. It's helped me to understand why I am rather than just being.

 

[Poki]

Please share.

When our Ni is weak it will go off in crazy directions, It will come up with these logical explanations using Se data that fit. Think back to math when we use to plot points on a graph and we would draw a line that best fit the points. To me that is like Ni, its an internal theory we create using the pieces of data we have. Now imagine trying to create this line with only 3 points or only 3 details. The chances of getting our thoughts going in the wrong direction are pretty large. When we make a judgement call we create a point on that line. To help tune our Ni we simply need to get more data and make a judgement based on that. To make a judgement we need to look at that line and create detail based on the theory. The best way I know to do this is writing down what I think and putting it out for others to criticize(INTP are great at knocking theory ) or look for someone with a problem and figure out a solution. Look at where you failed, question your ideas. Dont focus on how others caused you to fail, focus on why it happened so you can readjust your theory or idea. From here you need to focus on finding more detail or points where your theory failed. The other way is to compare it to examples in life. Compare what you think to things you observe in the world and see how your theory fits. Focus on getting more detail in the area. You are basically adding more points to your chart and redrawing or recreating your theory. Which you need to make a judgement call on to test your new idea. Come up with a solution to a problem and see if it fits. As we do this we get better at spotting these failures and readjusting our ideas. This is why we need to be open and just live life, we need to learn from our failures. When we stop questioning our ideas and theories and we start to question the Se we pull in we end up becoming stubborn. This is when we will become our shadow and start trying to control our world based on our skewed ideas using our inferior Fe and it comes out as anger, frustration, etc. We start creating our own data based on our ideas, we start rejecting Se data and the easiest way to do that is to control your environment and subject yourself only to things that support your ideas. You start blaming others because they screwed things up since your idea has to be correct. The next time around you try to control your environment so others dont screw it up again, but since your idea is flawed it will screw up and you will blame others again.

 

[phoenity]

When our Ni is weak it will go off in crazy directions, It will come up with these logical explanations using Se data that fit. Think back to math when we use to plot points on a graph and we would draw a line that best fit the points. To me that is like Ni, its an internal theory we create using the pieces of data we have. Now imagine trying to create this line with only 3 points or only 3 details. The chances of getting our thoughts going in the wrong direction are pretty large. When we make a judgement call we create a point on that line. To help tune our Ni we simply need to get more data and make a judgement based on that. To make a judgement we need to look at that line and create detail based on the theory. The best way I know to do this is writing down what I think and putting it out for others to criticize(INTP are great at knocking theory ) or look for someone with a problem and figure out a solution. Look at where you failed, question your ideas. Dont focus on how others caused you to fail, focus on why it happened so you can readjust your theory or idea. From here you need to focus on finding more detail or points where your theory failed. The other way is to compare it to examples in life. Compare what you think to things you observe in the world and see how your theory fits. Focus on getting more detail in the area. You are basically adding more points to your chart and redrawing or recreating your theory. Which you need to make a judgement call on to test your new idea. Come up with a solution to a problem and see if it fits. As we do this we get better at spotting these failures and readjusting our ideas. This is why we need to be open and just live life, we need to learn from our failures. When we stop questioning our ideas and theories and we start to question the Se we pull in we end up becoming stubborn. This is when we will become our shadow and start trying to control our world based on our skewed ideas using our inferior Fe and it comes out as anger, frustration, etc. We start creating our own data based on our ideas, we start rejecting Se data and the easiest way to do that is to control your environment and subject yourself only to things that support your ideas. You start blaming others because they screwed things up since your idea has to be correct. The next time around you try to control your environment so others dont screw it up again, but since your idea is flawed it will screw up and you will blame others again.

I now realize this is something I naturally do, I just didn't understand what you meant.

I would explain my intuition as making educated guesses. I take in information through my Se, organize that information, and depending on how much data I have, complete my understanding by filling in that data using logical guesses. If my data is too limited to begin with I will simply say "I don't know" rather than making an illogical, uneducated guess. As soon as I obtain more information related to that educated guess, I either prove or disprove my guess based on logical thinking, and revise as necessary.

I like to remain open as it better enables me to take in information to understand things. I don't like to think of myself as being right or wrong, just misinformed or uninformed. My ideas change according to what makes most sense to me considering the information available.

(LIGHT BULB!)

This also serves to explain why my friend, who I'm also certain is an ISTP, is such a stubborn bastard when it comes to "knowing" things. He likes to think he "knows" everything, that everything he "knows" is correct, and even when something he "knows" is proven illogical or inefficient, he still persists with his original idea.


Thank you Poki!

 

[Hunter]

Personally, I prefer not to discuss my "deeper" feelings at all. Discussing it leaves a feeling of vulnerability that I can't seem to recover from. Looking back during moments where I ended up letting things out still makes me cringe and wish it hadn't had to happen. Those few times that I did...mostly happened because, well, my sister is an INFP...She bases everything she does off feelings and impulse, rather than logical. She's can be very irrational..and in order for me to really get a point across, I practically have to break down in front of her. The only thing yelling does is bring out her sense of self-righteousness. -sighs- So sometimes it happens by accident...
Otherwise, I never discuss my "deeper" feelings...and thinking on it now, I'd prefer to talk about my "deeper" feelings with someone I don't know rather then someone I do...because I wouldn't care if the stranger judged. And I prefer friends who don't constantly try to pry into my mind and figure out what's going on inside of it.

(Bear in mind that I'm a mutant stuck halfway between ISTJ and ISTP..so I dunno if there's alot of J in my reply or not)

 

[Poki]

Personally, I prefer not to discuss my "deeper" feelings at all. Discussing it leaves a feeling of vulnerability that I can't seem to recover from. Looking back during moments where I ended up letting things out still makes me cringe and wish it hadn't had to happen. Those few times that I did...mostly happened because, well, my sister is an INFP...She bases everything she does off feelings and impulse, rather than logical. She's can be very irrational..and in order for me to really get a point across, I practically have to break down in front of her. The only thing yelling does is bring out her sense of self-righteousness. -sighs- So sometimes it happens by accident...
Otherwise, I never discuss my "deeper" feelings...and thinking on it now, I'd prefer to talk about my "deeper" feelings with someone I don't know rather then someone I do...because I wouldn't care if the stranger judged. And I prefer friends who don't constantly try to pry into my mind and figure out what's going on inside of it.

(Bear in mind that I'm a mutant stuck halfway between ISTJ and ISTP..so I dunno if there's alot of J in my reply or not)

I think with someone we care about our Fe rears its head. With someone we dont really know we can be very logical and unemotional. My Fe doesnt get involved and I can think clearer. I can focus more on the facts instead of trying to figure out how to say what I want to say without affecting there feelings. I think this is more of a TS vs FN thing. We try so hard to get out what we want to say without giving out to much so they read into it. We dont want them to jump to conclusions based on something we ourselves are not sure of yet and get there feelings hurt. Eventually we just blow up and let it all out. Atleast this is why I do it.

 

[Kasper]

My instant answer was: when they're drunk

Absolaposalutely!

My ISTP girl friend has a habit of drinking too much than spilling, I have a habit of pushing people's buttons to get them to spill so over time she has become very comfortable talking about anything and everything with me even without drinking now. Think it's been a combination of trust, her knowing that I want to know and that her thoughts/feelings aren't inconsequential to me and that I won't judge anything she says. Although she is a T she does have high Fe which helps this.