I have been dating a guy who is ISTP for 18 months off and on now and it seems as we get closer, more conficts arise. A lot of it is our personal circumstances - I was too busy before and didn't want to bend on some issues and we broke up for a few months. And now, a year later, he is too busy and doesn't seem willing to bend on certain issues and needs "space".
As an INTP, I thought I had it figured out from the beginning that we weren't right for each other because he was too introverted and blue collar for me. Plus, I am a church goer and he is not religious at all. But there was just something about him that I found alluring. He is so competent and capable of solving practical problems on the fly. As a woman, I find a sense of security in his mechanical capabilities in the physical world, and he rescued me so many times that I almost felt like a princess. He persued me with an interest that made me feel special and sexy and because he likes love songs and romantic movies I almost pegged him as an ISFP.
However, lately, as I have given all of myself to the relationship I have been requiring a higher level of intimacy from him and instead the intimacy has diminished. I find myself wondering what more I can do to show that I love him so that he will in turn love me more. By doing this I think I am freaking him out, because I am showing him love how I would like to be shown love. His need for space is making me more clingy which in turn is making him need more space and the cycle continues.
I feel such intense emotions and have so many insights to our relationship right now but he is not interested in discussing anything about the relationship. When I try to talk things through I get emotional and it is a one sided conversation where he is just waiting for me to stop talking. It's always the wrong time to talk. We communicate most through text. In person there is a lot of quiet, but when things are good it's a peaceful and secure quiet as two introverts, but when things are not right it is an uneasy quiet for me.
We get along mostly because I do what he is interested in like dirtbiking and tennis. He comes to church with me but really would prefer not to go.
I feel like all of a sudden he just shuts me out and turns to his other activities and pretends that I don't exist and if I'm around I'm in the way and when I say that he is being insensitive and wonder if he still loves me, he wonders where I get such an idea and that nothing is wrong. He just expects me to be ok with being ignored without a moments notice and with no notification of when I might expect him back. A simple "goodnight, I'll be doing this for a while." can go a long way.
I feel like I have compromized so much in this relationship to meet his needs but mine are not getting met and I can't seem to get him to realize that this is important, and that I'm not requiring all of his time, just some at key times.
I know that my perfect match is ENTJ and I can feel the strain of both of us being IP's because we have the same weaknesses... and we have a hard time communicating since he is an S and I am an N. He doesn't see the significance of type theory which sucks too. I'm hoping we can make this work because I do love him, and I know he loves me, even though he's going through a personal funk right now.
I've never been in this position before where I've loved somebody possibly more than they love me... and I'm in my 30's... it's scary!!!
As an INTP, I thought I had it figured out from the beginning that we weren't right for each other because he was too introverted and blue collar for me. Plus, I am a church goer and he is not religious at all. But there was just something about him that I found alluring. He is so competent and capable of solving practical problems on the fly. As a woman, I find a sense of security in his mechanical capabilities in the physical world, and he rescued me so many times that I almost felt like a princess. He persued me with an interest that made me feel special and sexy and because he likes love songs and romantic movies I almost pegged him as an ISFP.
However, lately, as I have given all of myself to the relationship I have been requiring a higher level of intimacy from him and instead the intimacy has diminished. I find myself wondering what more I can do to show that I love him so that he will in turn love me more. By doing this I think I am freaking him out, because I am showing him love how I would like to be shown love. His need for space is making me more clingy which in turn is making him need more space and the cycle continues.
I feel such intense emotions and have so many insights to our relationship right now but he is not interested in discussing anything about the relationship. When I try to talk things through I get emotional and it is a one sided conversation where he is just waiting for me to stop talking. It's always the wrong time to talk. We communicate most through text. In person there is a lot of quiet, but when things are good it's a peaceful and secure quiet as two introverts, but when things are not right it is an uneasy quiet for me.
We get along mostly because I do what he is interested in like dirtbiking and tennis. He comes to church with me but really would prefer not to go.
I feel like all of a sudden he just shuts me out and turns to his other activities and pretends that I don't exist and if I'm around I'm in the way and when I say that he is being insensitive and wonder if he still loves me, he wonders where I get such an idea and that nothing is wrong. He just expects me to be ok with being ignored without a moments notice and with no notification of when I might expect him back. A simple "goodnight, I'll be doing this for a while." can go a long way.
I feel like I have compromized so much in this relationship to meet his needs but mine are not getting met and I can't seem to get him to realize that this is important, and that I'm not requiring all of his time, just some at key times.
I know that my perfect match is ENTJ and I can feel the strain of both of us being IP's because we have the same weaknesses... and we have a hard time communicating since he is an S and I am an N. He doesn't see the significance of type theory which sucks too. I'm hoping we can make this work because I do love him, and I know he loves me, even though he's going through a personal funk right now.
I've never been in this position before where I've loved somebody possibly more than they love me... and I'm in my 30's... it's scary!!!