User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 55

  1. #1
    Junior Member Bloubessie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    9

    Default This ENTP guy (help me to understand him).

    Hello dear NTs.

    First of all, sorry for my English, I'm not a fluent speaker, so I hope you don't mind my grammatical or other mistakes.

    This is my first post here and I would be very grateful if you're willing to read this. I just need.....some kind of advice.

    I've known this ENTP guy for almost 2 years by now. While he was dating, we never went out but in the beginning of this month he broke up with his girlfriend (actually, girlfriend broke up with him) and we started to hang out. I think he needed some kind of comfort or company and I felt an urge to be there for him (as an xNFP I also have a super high Fe).
    I really enjoyed his company. We could go for walks and talk about everything and we could be just silent, without saying nothing at all and still feel comfortable with that.
    Soon, after we started to hang out, we decided to be fuckbuddies because we couldn't deny this amazing chemistry between us. After that, we got closer than we expected. One day he told me that I'm like his best friend, which was a huge compliment to me. He also said that there are only a few people in his life that he genuinely likes and I am one of them.
    As the days went on and we spent nights together, my feelings began to kick in. I told him that I might have a crush on him and he was pretty indifferent about it.
    For a while, we basically didn't see each other for 5 days because I was busy with work. One evening he called me and asked me to come over but I had other plans so I had to refuse. I still went there though because I had to take my camera that I lent to him. I was very detached this evening because I had a super stressing day at work. When I started to go home, he suddenly hugged me and kissed me for a goodbye. I didn't kiss him back though. The same night we talked on MSN and he said:“Usually, if one part is initiating too much things can end.“ and even though I was sure what he was talking about I asked him what could end and he said:“this thing between us.“ At this point, I started to think that he might feel something too, but I wasn't and still am not sure about this. I asked him:“What we are?“ and he asked me back:“What do you want us to be?“ which I quickly turned around and asked him the same question. He said:“Let's stay friends with benefits because feelings would kill it.“ I'm not going to lie, I was hurt because I expected more.
    The next day, he called me and I only went there because I was planning to end this thing between us. I felt used and manipulated, at the same time I didn't want to end this thing between us at all. Why? Because being with him is amazing. He's amazing. Sex with him is amazing. But.... I have hard times understanding him and I didn't want my feelings to develop further because he already confused me with his acting.
    As I went there, I was still pissed inside and rejected all his touches. I told him to stop and he sat next to me. At this point, I felt pretty inarticulate until he asked me „What's wrong?“ and I told him how he confuses me. „I don't understand you, at all. I'm a people person and reading people has never been a trouble for me really, until I met you. I just can't understand you and it's so confusing. I love you at one moment and I hate you the next. It hurts.“
    What came after this was silence. He fell in a thought and after minutes of silence I decided to ask him what he's thinking. „I'm sad.“ he said and I was more than surprised at this point. What surprised me even more was the tear he shed. He rarely shows his emotions if he does at all, I felt pretty special at this point..... He asked me to guess what he's feeling and I said:"I feel like you want to tell me something" and he said:"You can read people and you're right. I do want to tell you something." After some moments of silence, he said: „Sorry about the way I am but it's has nothing to do with you. It's just.... about my past. The place I grew up taught me to watch my words, to carefully pay attention to my acting.“
    As the night went on, I totally forgot the aim why I went there in the first place. Talking with him was so inspirational and interesting that I totally forgot myself. After some time I finally told him:“Perhaps we shouldn't be more than friends.“ which he replied:“Are you sure? If that's your choice, I respect that.“ Seemed like he was fine with my decision. Later, when our talk grew very deep again, we talked about us. Suddenly, he fell in a thought and said:“I would like to be with you, but when I think about it my logic kicks in and it's hard really. I will be gone by the end of this summer and long-distance relationship wouldn't work out. You're really lovely, funny, sincere, beautiful girl, you have amazing taste in music and you're one of the kind person and I really wish you will find someone great someday.“. I would lie if I'd say it didn't touch me at all. At this night, I really became to believe that he's not after sex at all and he might like me for me not for my body. I even asked him after I shed a tear if he wants to fuck (just to be sure about his intentions) and he said he just wants to be with me. We didn't have sex at this night. When he sent me home this night he asked me:“Are you sure you only want to be friends?“ and I totally let go of my previous thoughts.

    Since that night, we are and we are not. It's difficult. I'm not finally sure if he likes me or he plays with me, at the same time – I feel bad for thinking about him in that way after all this. It's weird really.

    Two days ago we went camping together and we had an amazing night. When we were falling asleep I told him that I like him which he replied:“I hope not too much.“ and after moments of silence, he actually told me he likes me too but I felt he only said that to say something back. I'm never sure about his words because he seems so detached.
    Yesterday, in the morning, after we spent a night together, I was starting to go when he called me back and hugged and kissed me. In the evening, he acted very indifferent towards me that I did not want to see him again, but in the morning after receiving his message (saying:“I was very angry at everything and everyone yesterday... I don't know why...and it's not about you.“) I melted again.

    It's just hard. Perhaps I'm over-reacting (oh, yes, I am) but I can't go from melting to icing all the time. It hurts. Some days I'm okay being fuckbuddy with him and denying my feelings, but other days.... dude, I really really like him and want to be with him, but it hurts.

    I just....I just.....don't know... I don't want to lose him, because he's amazing person really, but it hurts so much at the same time. What should I do? And do you think he really likes me? Or he just...plays with me? How do ENTPs act when they like someone?

    Dear ENTPs, please give me some light...

    Bessie.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    IxTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ti
    Posts
    14,191

    Default

    Excuse the fact that I don't consider myself a complete ENTP, although your friend has an E5 (enneagram 5) manner about everything you describe. And so I identify with that much.

    You're trying to break through his barrier of detachment, and he's ambiguous about that. His barrier has nothing to do with you, it's just an ingrained habit of mind. His ambiguity will take on the characteristic of a kind of dance - in relationship theory this is called the "approach/avoidance dance." He may keep this up forever. You're dancing along with, and feeling controlled by it. The closeness and great sex makes you want to stay in the dance. But if there is any emotional feeling on his part, such that it's not "just for sex," then he disguises it well. His ambiguous approach to relationships will keep you coming and going. When he sheds a tear, that is a sign for you to stay with him and help. When he becomes colder emotionally, then you want to leave. Back and forth, approach/avoid.

    Did he say he was leaving at the end of the summer? Then this can only be a summer fling anyway, emotions or not. So it sounds like you'll just have to get over him anyway, and treat things as they are. A fling is a fling. I have to conclude that he's already made up your mind for you.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson

    “The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when they get to know each other.”

  3. #3
    Junior Member Bloubessie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    9

    Default

    Hello and thank you very much for your reply mal12345. I really appreciate it.

    I guess you're right about trying to break through his barrier. I've never experienced "something" like him before so I have way too much question marks above my head than usual. ENTPs are witty. Hard not to take his ambiguity personally though.

    Yes, he will leave at the end of the summer from my city because he's going to school to another city. Some nights before our "deep talk" he told me about his plans to talk to his school headmaster so I could visit him there too. It might be a summer fling for him but for me it's not a summer thing - I've always liked him and to be honest, that night when we had this deep talk he told me that he always had an eye on me when he first met me but he has still no clue why he chose her (his ex-girlfriend) rather than me.

  4. #4
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    Hm. I think he's too much of a roller coaster right now, I mean extrovert intuition will be inconsistent, but I don't know if it's exactly the best kind of inconsistency. I suppose you have to ask yourself is their more love when you see him, or more hate when he doesn't appear to want to see you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    IxTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ti
    Posts
    14,191

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Hello and thank you very much for your reply mal12345. I really appreciate it.

    I guess you're right about trying to break through his barrier. I've never experienced "something" like him before so I have way too much question marks above my head than usual. ENTPs are witty. Hard not to take his ambiguity personally though.

    Yes, he will leave at the end of the summer from my city because he's going to school to another city. Some nights before our "deep talk" he told me about his plans to talk to his school headmaster so I could visit him there too. It might be a summer fling for him but for me it's not a summer thing - I've always liked him and to be honest, that night when we had this deep talk he told me that he always had an eye on me when he first met me but he has still no clue why he chose her (his ex-girlfriend) rather than me.
    You're welcome. I would have to say his basic issue is the fear of feeling overwhelmed. This is called fear of engulfment. From his point of view, it seems you are moving too fast for him. But in my experience, if he's not actively pursuing you, then he's not in love with you, for all that he obviously likes you very very much. If he's playing on your fear of abandonment to get the kind of relationship he wants in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed or engulfed, then maybe he's not worth it.

    In the end, it depends on whether you feel up to occasional visits after the summer ends. I get the impression that he would have an easier time with a distance relationship than you by far, since personal distance is already part of his personality makeup. And there is the possibility that you would always be worried about who he might be seeing on the side in your absence.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson

    “The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when they get to know each other.”

  6. #6
    A window to the soul
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    Hello dear NTs.

    First of all, sorry for my English, I'm not a fluent speaker, so I hope you don't mind my grammatical or other mistakes.

    This is my first post here and I would be very grateful if you're willing to read this. I just need.....some kind of advice.

    I've known this ENTP guy for almost 2 years by now. While he was dating, we never went out but in the beginning of this month he broke up with his girlfriend (actually, girlfriend broke up with him) and we started to hang out. I think he needed some kind of comfort or company and I felt an urge to be there for him (as an xNFP I also have a super high Fe).
    I really enjoyed his company. We could go for walks and talk about everything and we could be just silent, without saying nothing at all and still feel comfortable with that.
    Soon, after we started to hang out, we decided to be fuckbuddies because we couldn't deny this amazing chemistry between us. After that, we got closer than we expected. One day he told me that I'm like his best friend, which was a huge compliment to me. He also said that there are only a few people in his life that he genuinely likes and I am one of them.
    As the days went on and we spent nights together, my feelings began to kick in. I told him that I might have a crush on him and he was pretty indifferent about it.
    For a while, we basically didn't see each other for 5 days because I was busy with work. One evening he called me and asked me to come over but I had other plans so I had to refuse. I still went there though because I had to take my camera that I lent to him. I was very detached this evening because I had a super stressing day at work. When I started to go home, he suddenly hugged me and kissed me for a goodbye. I didn't kiss him back though. The same night we talked on MSN and he said:“Usually, if one part is initiating too much things can end.“ and even though I was sure what he was talking about I asked him what could end and he said:“this thing between us.“ At this point, I started to think that he might feel something too, but I wasn't and still am not sure about this. I asked him:“What we are?“ and he asked me back:“What do you want us to be?“ which I quickly turned around and asked him the same question. He said:“Let's stay friends with benefits because feelings would kill it.“ I'm not going to lie, I was hurt because I expected more.
    The next day, he called me and I only went there because I was planning to end this thing between us. I felt used and manipulated, at the same time I didn't want to end this thing between us at all. Why? Because being with him is amazing. He's amazing. Sex with him is amazing. But.... I have hard times understanding him and I didn't want my feelings to develop further because he already confused me with his acting.
    As I went there, I was still pissed inside and rejected all his touches. I told him to stop and he sat next to me. At this point, I felt pretty inarticulate until he asked me „What's wrong?“ and I told him how he confuses me. „I don't understand you, at all. I'm a people person and reading people has never been a trouble for me really, until I met you. I just can't understand you and it's so confusing. I love you at one moment and I hate you the next. It hurts.“
    What came after this was silence. He fell in a thought and after minutes of silence I decided to ask him what he's thinking. „I'm sad.“ he said and I was more than surprised at this point. What surprised me even more was the tear he shed. He rarely shows his emotions if he does at all, I felt pretty special at this point..... He asked me to guess what he's feeling and I said:"I feel like you want to tell me something" and he said:"You can read people and you're right. I do want to tell you something." After some moments of silence, he said: „Sorry about the way I am but it's has nothing to do with you. It's just.... about my past. The place I grew up taught me to watch my words, to carefully pay attention to my acting.“
    As the night went on, I totally forgot the aim why I went there in the first place. Talking with him was so inspirational and interesting that I totally forgot myself. After some time I finally told him:“Perhaps we shouldn't be more than friends.“ which he replied:“Are you sure? If that's your choice, I respect that.“ Seemed like he was fine with my decision. Later, when our talk grew very deep again, we talked about us. Suddenly, he fell in a thought and said:“I would like to be with you, but when I think about it my logic kicks in and it's hard really. I will be gone by the end of this summer and long-distance relationship wouldn't work out. You're really lovely, funny, sincere, beautiful girl, you have amazing taste in music and you're one of the kind person and I really wish you will find someone great someday.“. I would lie if I'd say it didn't touch me at all. At this night, I really became to believe that he's not after sex at all and he might like me for me not for my body. I even asked him after I shed a tear if he wants to fuck (just to be sure about his intentions) and he said he just wants to be with me. We didn't have sex at this night. When he sent me home this night he asked me:“Are you sure you only want to be friends?“ and I totally let go of my previous thoughts.

    Since that night, we are and we are not. It's difficult. I'm not finally sure if he likes me or he plays with me, at the same time – I feel bad for thinking about him in that way after all this. It's weird really.

    Two days ago we went camping together and we had an amazing night. When we were falling asleep I told him that I like him which he replied:“I hope not too much.“ and after moments of silence, he actually told me he likes me too but I felt he only said that to say something back. I'm never sure about his words because he seems so detached.
    Yesterday, in the morning, after we spent a night together, I was starting to go when he called me back and hugged and kissed me. In the evening, he acted very indifferent towards me that I did not want to see him again, but in the morning after receiving his message (saying:“I was very angry at everything and everyone yesterday... I don't know why...and it's not about you.“) I melted again.

    It's just hard. Perhaps I'm over-reacting (oh, yes, I am) but I can't go from melting to icing all the time. It hurts. Some days I'm okay being fuckbuddy with him and denying my feelings, but other days.... dude, I really really like him and want to be with him, but it hurts.

    I just....I just.....don't know... I don't want to lose him, because he's amazing person really, but it hurts so much at the same time. What should I do? And do you think he really likes me? Or he just...plays with me? How do ENTPs act when they like someone?

    Dear ENTPs, please give me some light...

    Bessie.
    My head, make it stop! Honestly, I think you're playing games with him and he's on his way out.

    Are you?

  7. #7
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    1,983

    Default

    This is like the 10th thread about INFPs being confused by ENTPs .

  8. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    Entp
    Enneagram
    7
    Socionics
    Esfp
    Posts
    40

    Default

    Okay, i only read up to when he said "because feelings could kill it"*
    I actually just said that to a guy yesterday, Uhm.*

    An infp, ok....why are you smashing an entp again? Like, this probably isnt going to be to your advantage. Anyway

    ..oh. By the way, i read like, two paraaphs, not the entire Constitution. I apologize.

    Problem

    What happened here is that you opened up to him, and you did it on your own accord, so its like a free meal for him, like, how do you not refuse a guy paying for your dinner? Its just like that.*
    **(do you ever refuse a guy paying for you if yoi dont like him one bit? Thats something ive been wanting to ask an infp)

    *You felt that, by extending your sentiment/sympahy/whatever was, was "a good thing to do" because, thats what you seek after ending relationships, am I right?

    *But really, if this guy is really an Entp, he couldve obviously gotten through his break up by himself. And also, all that emotional crap in break ups? Like, its stupid amounts of emotions flying around, so, the Entp doesnt want qny more emotional crap for a while (think thats true for a lot of personalities)

    This was more about your benefit, what you could get with him, being an emotional connection that could lead to more later on...and since you assumed that he was going to reciprocate your love to him by him loving you eventually, you took a huge unrealized risk. You caused risk of you having hurt feelings/pain to be more likely than if you just backed off and texted him rather than let him sleep with you. Get it?

    He... Is way different from you in how he thinks...Entps have a more "to each his own" perspective, thats why, whenever people come to me with a complaint on how Im frustrating them in some way, I, before they even finish, will say

    *"Thats your problem." (If I need to continue after that, I say

    *"I regret that you let yourself be affected by that, but theres nothing I can do, as I said, thats your emotional shitstorm, not mine, so its not really very logical for you to get so emotional At Me about it, if you dont like what I am doing, who I am, or that Im not doing someing you wanted me to do and you dont like me or whatever, dont talk to me. Please go away, talk to that person over there, you like her, she is a cool person, I like her too. Everyone does. But. Leave me alone, pretty please, you are a real great person, but I am not here to solve your issues just because I happened to be the subject of them."

    You imposed a...obligation to him, by assumong he was going to reciprocate with love to you.*

    Obligations are so so so stressful to entps. It punctures freedom. Obligations makes responsibility, and responsibility means loss of time at some point, and loss of time means that that time is being dedicated to not doing whatever the fuck we want to do at that particular time.

    When guys start overemotionalizing stuff with me it actually is Extremely repulsive. Ive asked other entps on this site and they feel that same way.*

    As an infp, you really appreciate emotional connection, and since entps are so deft (uh, right word?) at Knowing how to act to connect to pretty much any personality, you may feel he is "like you" in many ways, even when he is very very very, extremely, different in his mind from what you think.*
    Like ok. This one buck thought I was like, the Millenial Miss Muffin rockstar of the kitchen, shit. I barely eat due to addie, I just knew he likes girls that are like that, so I got some groaty looking cookies, reheated, an gave them to him every so often. It worked like a charm. Then I stopped talking to him bc he was so easily fooled, it wasnt fun anymore.

    Entps are sooo good at..manipulating their behavior to get the response that they want from other people. This guy of yours probably just wanted to fuck. I mean, sorry if that sounds insensitive, but, the world isnt, well, nvm, the entp, not the world... the entp isnt sensitive sometimes, especially when stressed out, as he was from the break up.

    Entps are mostly hardcore, and we can act like little sweeties like you, but dont be deceived. If*you want this guy? Start acting like You a lot more, be an individual. If he starts asking you questions about why you do things, Thats a Really Good Sign. You have reinstated yourself as an enigma to the entp again, and now he has to start thinking abouy you to figure you out, thats what makes me so psychotic about istps, they are so mysterious, drives me Insane.

  9. #9
    A window to the soul
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spleen View Post
    When guys start overemotionalizing stuff with me it actually is Extremely repulsive. Ive asked other entps on this site and they feel that same way.*

    Entps are sooo good at..manipulating their behavior to get the response that they want from other people. This guy of yours probably just wanted to fuck. I mean, sorry if that sounds insensitive, but, the world isnt, well, nvm, the entp, not the world... the entp isnt sensitive sometimes, especially when stressed out, as he was from the break up.

    Entps are mostly hardcore, and we can act like little sweeties like you, but dont be deceived. If*you want this guy? Start acting like You a lot more, be an individual. If he starts asking you questions about why you do things, Thats a Really Good Sign. You have reinstated yourself as an enigma to the entp again, and now he has to start thinking abouy you to figure you out, thats what makes me so psychotic about istps, they are so mysterious, drives me Insane.
    Out of everything you said, I think those are the key points (above). There's nothing more unattractive than distrust, over-emotionalism, and emo games. I think this relationship has created more stress for him than he ever imagined. Her too. It was stressful for me just reading the original post. :p It was obvious to me he started out genuinely interested in her. It evolved into him gracefully bowing out of the relationship with moments of using her for sex and flowery words to appease her. I think that's the cold hard truth now. I'm not sure she can get the respect back. It may be time for her to face reality and move on. That's assuming my thoughts about the situation are the reality. I had to fill in a lot of the blanks towards the end of her post.

  10. #10
    ThatGirl
    Guest

    Default

    First of all Lol that a non fluent English speaker knows the word "fuckbuddies."

    Okay let me go back and read a little.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] could you guys help me type this person?
    By chado in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-04-2017, 11:20 PM
  2. Help me to understand my tipe
    By sonečka in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-19-2016, 01:12 PM
  3. [NF] guys help me type this person.
    By chado in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-10-2016, 01:20 PM
  4. [MBTItm] Trying to understand him(ESFP)
    By ilovereeses in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-13-2010, 10:27 PM
  5. [MBTItm] Please help me to feel inspired again??
    By faultyideal in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 09-26-2009, 01:36 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO