It can be hard, sometimes. In lots of all-women gatherings, the chit-chat can get old fast, and nobody wants to talk about anything you find interesting. In a setting where the most important skills are how to cook chicken in a crockpot, and how to decorate a room, you can start to feel irrelevant with nothing to offer but a few computer skills that nobody wants.
And, there can be an expectation that, since you're female, you'll be a good hostess and automatically be a serving-type of person and chip in to bring food and clean up without thinking about it, but I have to remind myself that those are things I'm supposed to do, and I sometimes forget - which means I probably unwittingly make a bad impression many times. I don't like making a bad impression. I have goodwill towards people, but I don't always remember to show it in the appropriate "female" ways.
But if you can find a group of people who acknowledge and value what you bring to the equation rather than only noticing the obvious skills you lack, it can be fine.
Very well said. It is not a coincidence that most of my friends used to be guys, and that most of the jobs I loved most were predominantly male environments. In a way, being around guys makes me feel more feminine. I have worked at making some female friendships with women whom I admire, but they take more effort. I have to remember the social protocols and try harder not to hurt feelings. When I just want to 'hang' with people who 'get me', its usually with guys.
To the OP - I wouldn't really know if its HARD to be an NTJ female because I've never had the experience of being anything else. Its hard to know whether my Enneagram 4 personality was developed because I felt different from other girls/women growing up an INTJ, or if I felt those differences so acutely because I was an E4. I did feel them though, and I did feel like an outsider a lot. I've learned to meld into the groups though and not be so awkward. I've contributed some time to paying attention to things that other women do that I could take an interest in. "Ohh yes! I make jewelry too! Lets bead shop together!"
This one lets me use my hands to make something, it can involve some planning and gives me things to talk about with the other women who like 'crafts'.
Small habits that I've picked up over the years that were hard for me:
- Learning to use make up
- Paying attention to fingernails and toenails so they look pretty
- ... dressing with any kind of style (This one is still up for debate)
- Trying not to cuss like a sailor
Things I still need to learn/do/accept:
- This hairstyle really has to go, but its so low maintenance that I can't bear to change it
- Apparently tanning is something I should be doing. Still can't convince myself that the whole sticking-yourself-in-an-oven-to-cook-for-a-while is a good thing.
- People expect women to send (which also involves actually remembering) Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, (etc) cards... Oops?
I'm sure there are others